Chapter 44
When they got back to the car, Gemma couldn’t speak for a minute.
A mix of emotions were rumbling through her.
Even if she hadn’t got to meet her birth mother, she’d been in her house and the place in which she’d taken her last breath.
Some might find that morbid and distressing, but Gemma felt reassured by it.
It brought her a little closer to her. She’d even come away with a memento, if that was what you could call the strips of wallpaper that now sat in an envelope in her lap.
Nick put the keys in the ignition but didn’t start the car.
‘Are you all right?’ he asked.
Gemma nodded. ‘I couldn’t have asked for a better outcome, apart from getting to meet my half-brother, I suppose. Sarah was very generous letting us go inside.’
‘It’s pretty cool. You got to see inside your birth mother’s house and take home a little piece of it.’
‘I know. And thank you for suggesting this,’ she said. ‘I couldn’t have done it without you. Sarah must have thought I was bonkers wanting scraps of old wallpaper.’
‘It’s exactly what I would have expected the Gem I know to do.’
‘So, I am bonkers?’
‘No, I mean you love history and collecting stuff. It seems right.’ Nick started the car and pulled out into the street. ‘I’m glad I was able to help. Actually, I enjoyed it. I’ve always fancied being an undercover detective.’
‘I bet you have. But … wife?’ she said teasingly. She hadn’t really minded how he’d pretended they were married.
‘It just came out,’ he said. ‘I wanted to sound authentic.’
‘You could have said half-sister.’
‘True. Next time. Only if you want me to interfere again, of course.’ He laughed. ‘Seriously though, do you think you’d like to track down your half-brother?’
‘I don’t know,’ she said. ‘Perhaps if I knew he wouldn’t mind being found.’
‘Hang on, his name and details could be on the sale documents of the house. Why didn’t we think of that before? We could go back and ask Sarah?’
Gemma shook her head. She felt so overwhelmed that she didn’t feel able to do any more sleuthing. ‘I think I’ve had enough for one day.’
‘I’m sure she wouldn’t mind you dropping by another time.’
‘Yeah, I suppose.’ Gemma agreed. ‘Anyway, I could always put my details on the Adoption Contact Register, which means I wouldn’t have to search. If a relative goes hunting, my name would pop up and they’d find me.’
‘Why not? You’ve got nothing to lose,’ he said, putting his foot on the accelerator. ‘Back to your place?’
The houses blurred into one long multi-coloured brick wall. A vertical sheet of light rain began to fall.
‘Did I tell you that Ella asked if I’d look after Darryl when she goes away?’ Nick started. ‘Of course, she knew I’d say yes because it’s Darryl, you know?’
‘That’s wonderful, you’ll get to spend time with your dog. Just be careful she doesn’t start taking advantage of you by tugging on your heart strings.’
‘Yeah, I know.’ He sighed and began talking about how he couldn’t wait to finally see Darryl again and how he’ll have to get him a new toy and some treats …
But Gemma wasn’t really listening. Her thoughts had returned to her adoptive parents and her brother. She couldn’t wait to tell them about the day she’d just had. She felt her eyes well up. Not because she was sad at what she’d missed out on but, she realised, from joy at what she already had.
They spent a large portion of the journey home not speaking.
Gemma appreciated the effort it took Nick not to keep chatting.
She needed to process what had just happened without the distraction of conversation.
Yet tears were never very far away. All the emotions, happy and sad, pooled close to the surface.
Soon they were in her street. Nick found a free parking spot and pulled over.
‘Thanks so much again for driving,’ Gemma said undoing her seatbelt. ‘And, well, for everything.’ She told herself to not start crying now but it didn’t help.
‘Hey, it’s okay,’ Nick said, stroking her arm to comfort her. ‘I’m not surprised you’re feeling emotional.’
She nodded. ‘Sorry.’
‘Don’t apologise. Here, you need a hug.’ He leant towards her, and she leant towards him as far as the gear stick would allow.
He put an arm around her and squeezed. The handbrake dug into her side.
She moved slightly. As she did, his head turned towards her.
His lips were just centimetres from hers and seemed to be getting closer.
Her heart started beating so fast she thought it might burst out of her chest.
A car alarm sounded. It was so loud and sudden, it startled them both and she head-butted his chin. The lights of the car in front of them were flashing in sync with the noise of its alarm.
‘Wow, that’s loud.’ Nick rubbed his chin and looked around to see if he could spot the car’s owner approaching.
Gemma turned away, wiped her eyes and stared out the window.
She felt flustered and flummoxed. What on earth were they doing?
Wasn’t Nick still seeing Rosie? Hadn’t Gemma decided she wanted to be single for the moment?
She couldn’t deny there was a spark between them, but she didn’t know if she wanted there to be one.
For her, it seemed too soon, despite her friends telling her on numerous occasions that she had every right to start dating again, given Adam hadn’t waited for them to separate before moving on.
She could hear her friend Georgie, ‘You’re being completely irrational.
Just run with your feelings and stop analysing them.
’ But sometimes, that was easier said than done.
‘Well, anyway, what was I was saying?’ Nick asked, as if he hadn’t just taken a peek into Gemma’s soul and lit it up for a few seconds.
‘You were saying it’s okay to cry,’ Gemma said, reaching to pick up the envelope that had slipped off her lap.
‘Oh, yeah.’ The alarm suddenly stopped. ‘Thank God for that,’ Nick said, giving a wave to the car owner who’d appeared on the pavement.
‘Well, I’d better head off,’ Gemma said, reaching for the door handle.
‘Of course. See you at the next mudlarkers’ meeting, I guess?’
‘Uh-huh. Thanks again.’