29. Chapter 29
Ilaid on the floor of the living room listening to mournful classical music on the record player. I had the complex coping mechanisms of a teenager.
An unsuspecting Moore peeked in the room, and I pounced on the man with all my sadness. He shook his head and looked at me with wistful eyes.
“He won’t talk to me,” I muttered. “Did I do something wrong?”
Summoner thought of his anxiety as his own cross to bear.
Some boomer remnants of stoic maleness that he needed to deal with alone.
He had been avoiding me, not even sleeping in our bed.
I wanted to help, to offer support. A million questions spun a sticky fucking web in my head on perfect beat to the ever-ticking clock counting down our relationship.
“Poppy,” he sighed. “Boss…Boss is a man who must handle things in his own time. Remember when I told you he was a dumbass?” I nodded. “Well, case in point.” He let out a small chuckle. “He’ll come around.”
“What if he doesn’t?”
“He will. Trust me.”
I opened my mouth to protest further, but nothing came out. Moore gave my shoulder a squeeze. Sadly, his reassurance didn’t do much to soothe my worries.
Again, that night, I went to bed alone. But I fell asleep with a plan.
I set an alarm and woke up with the sun.
I headed down to the pool. Reliably, Summoner was there, doing his usual laps under the pink and yellow sky.
Oblivious to me, I took advantage of that fact and sat at the edge of the pool.
The cement dug into my bare thighs. I had conjured up the worst case scenarios, each one playing out several times in my head, just in case.
I kept my breathing steady as I watched him. The way his body dipped in and out of the pool was regal. His head popped up at the end of the pool, and he ran a hand down his face.
As he caught his breath, our eyes met. The zap of recognition heated my bones. I stayed seated as he climbed out of the water and tied his towel around his waist. My nostrils flared.
“Please talk to me,” I pleaded.
His jaw visibly clenched.
“I…” My throat constricted.
I actively forced my words out through the tightness of my throat. “I…I need you.”
Need was as close to love as I dared to tread.
Summoner turned to me, his face a stony blank slate.
There was nothing to read in his expression.
I held my breath as he approached. I lowered my gaze to watch water drip from his body to the ground.
My heart thudded in anticipation, as if I’d never experienced his closeness before.
He crouched in front of me, reached up, and cupped my cheek.
Breathe.
I exhaled as the weight of his still-damp palm rested on my cheek. My eyes fluttered closed, and my body relaxed.
“I’m a dumbass,” he mumbled.
“Tell me something I don’t know,” I snorted.
He pinched my cheek. I opened my eyes to his smile. His crinkled eyes and his bunched cheeks. The tightness in my throat loosened as a sense of normal returned to the surrounding air.
Summoner sat beside me and stretched his legs out into the water. He turned his gaze to the water and sighed.
“You know how I’m always harping on our communication?”
I nodded.
“I’m always saying we need to communicate because I struggle to. Communication destroyed my relationships.”
My eyes widened at the admission. He was better at it than me.
“My whole life, I was told I was too quiet, too busy working things out in my head. If I’m anything, I’m consistent. And when you came into my life, I wanted to do things right. I could picture it correctly in my head…but we both struggle in the same way.”
“Lucky for us, huh?”
His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed hard.
“…I wanted…I wanted to take you on a proper date. I’d become this evil old ogre, keeping the young woman kidnapped and locked away.
That wasn’t fair to you. I thought I could do it.
I thought I could take you out to a place I’ve been to tons of times, and everything would be fine. It wasn’t fine. You want to know why?”
The question was rhetorical. My fingers twitched at my side as I held myself back from reaching for him.
“Because I got cocky.” He shook his head. “I thought I could pretend to be normal for a day and take my girlfriend out. But I couldn’t. I failed, and I’m ashamed of how stupid I am.”
How could a man like Summoner think of himself as stupid?
A man who had accomplished as much as he had?
The thought baffled me. I studied his profile for a moment.
His face looked worn with the weight of his embarrassment.
But to me, there was nothing for him to feel ashamed about. He was wonderful.
“You’re not stupid and you’re not a failure,” I breathed. “You tried to go out without your medication. That’s a big deal. You might not be there yet, but you tried! That’s huge! Also, it doesn’t mean you’ll never get there.”
He shrugged.
“Besides, I like you not normal. Whatever normal is. I like you just the way you are.”
A bittersweet smile tugged at his mouth. “I like you just the way you are, too.”
I reached forward, covering his hand with mine.
“Whenever you’re ready, we can try again. Take a Xanax beforehand and I can walk you through coping skills. We can do it together. You’ve just gotta let me help, okay?”
He let out a shaky breath and nodded.
I nudged his shoulder with mine. “No more martyr complex. You understand? We’re in this together.”
For all the time we have left.
I swallowed that thought.
“Understand?”
“Okay.”
“Okay, boomer.” I winked.
Smirking, Summoner grabbed my wrist and drove into the pool, dragging me with him.
The cool, deep blue surrounded me, flooding all my senses.
Heart pounding, I flailed to the surface.
My arms smacked the water as I struggled to float and breathe at the same time.
Summoner popped up like a wet rabbit in front of me, that damned smirk still on his face.
“YOU ASS!” I screamed.