Chapter 3
Chapter Three
Damien
Iwoke slowly to the sound of another grown man snoring.
Groaning loudly, I pulled my pillow over my ears, trying to drown out Hudson’s blatant bragging about his being asleep while I tossed and turned.
My bunk vibrated as the bus rumbled down the road. Normally the motion soothed me. Today it irritated me.
It had only been about two weeks since we’d played in Charleston. This leg of the tour focused on the eastern side of the country and we were on our way to Columbia, South Carolina. An overnight drive from Pittsburg, PA.
Lucky for us, our tour bus had everything we needed. A shower, a place to sit and eat, and an area in the back where we would pull out the instruments and have an impromptu jam session when we needed a moment to breathe.
My bunk was the only area on the bus that was truly my own, and even though I couldn’t stretch out completely without my head hitting the wall, it felt like my home away from home. That’s how it was when you were six foot three.
But the curtains were far from soundproof, and I swear Hudson wanted to test my patience as his snores grew louder.
The six bunks were in the middle of the bus, with three on either side stacked on top of each other. Even though Hudson’s bunk was on the opposite side of mine, it was still within arm’s reach.
Slamming my eyes shut, I tried to fall back into dreamland.
To no avail.
I growled, frustrated with myself. I wanted the sleep, needed the sleep. But lately, I got less and less.
I grabbed my phone from under my pillow, squinting as my irises adjusted to the sudden onslaught of light.
A dozen or so notifications popped up on my screen. Most were from our social media accounts relaying comments from fans. I always made it a point to respond to anyone who reached out. It was important they knew how much we appreciated their support. How much I appreciated their support.
We wouldn’t be here without them.
I clicked on the text notification, surprised to see a message from Jodie.
Jodie was the nurse hired to take care of my sister. My stomach jumped into my throat.
Jodie
I’m taking Violet to the ER. She’s having some trouble breathing.
It took all of my restraint to keep from bolting out of my bunk. Steadying my shaking hand, I skipped texting back and immediately called her.
Jodie picked up on the second ring. “Hey, Damien. I’m sorry to bother you so early.”
“It’s fine. Don’t ever feel like you can’t call me. How’s Violet doing?”
“I’ll be honest. It’s not looking good. The doctors think the cancer is back.”
Words caught in my throat. My vision blurred as I thought about losing another person I loved.
“We’re waiting on some test results to come back.”
I let out a long breath. “Is she awake? Can I talk to her?”
“Yeah, hang on.”
I heard a door opening and closing and some shuffling before Violet said, “Hey.”
She sounded weak and tired, and it broke my heart not to be there for her. “Hey Vi. How are you feeling?”
“Stop. I can hear the worry in your voice. I’m not ready to kick the bucket yet. Still got a few more fires to raise, if you know what I mean.”
I chuckled. “I’m sure it will take more than your cancer returning to knock you out. We aren’t that lucky.”
“Damn right, you’re not. I can’t leave my brother to fend for himself. Fuck cancer. It can’t keep me down.” Her voice grew gravely despite her words, and she erupted into a fit of coughs. I didn’t want to force her talk, I only needed to hear her voice.
“Vi. I need you to stay focused on getting better and out of the hospital.”
“You can count on it.”
“Will you hand the phone back to Jodie?”
“Yeah. And remember, I love you, Rascal.”
“I love you, too.” Her old nickname for me stirred something in my chest as more rustling came through the speaker before Jodie came back on.
“Anything she needs, anything at all. No questions, send me the bill. I’ll take care of it.”
“Violet is lucky to have you.”
“I’m the lucky one. She took care of me when I had no one else.”
I was instantly brought back to when I was twelve years old and finding out our father had fallen off an electrical pole and died.
He was a lineman, and I couldn’t understand why he would free climb a forty-foot pole, only to have his gaff not grip enough and fall to his death.
The helmet he wore stood no chance of protecting his head, not from a fall like that.
Our dad had been our sole caretaker after our mom had run off with my dad’s best friend.
Without him, Violet and I had no one left.
But the person who took the brunt of the tragedy was Violet. At sixteen, she took it upon herself to become the household provider. I couldn’t begin to imagine what she had done to keep warm meals on our table and a roof over our head.
Violet was the only woman in my life who’d never hurt or betrayed me. And I could never repay her for all she gave up to make sure I never went without.
And now, she was a happy mother of two.
“Where are Grant and Maylee?” I asked.
“Legally, they are old enough to stay home alone, but I didn’t want to risk it while they slept. Marianne came by to watch them while we’re gone.”
“How much longer will the doctors keep her?”
“Honestly? I don’t know. They won’t release her until they figure out why she can’t breathe.”
I squeezed the bridge of my nose and tried to push back the emerging migraine. Grant and Maylee didn’t deserve this. They’d already been through so much in their short lives.
“Anything the kids need—a sitter, entertainment, whatever—I’ll take care of it. Violet doesn’t need to worry about anything but getting better.”
“Okay. I’ll keep you updated.”
“Thank you, Jodie.” I let my head fall back against my pillow.
“You take care of yourself, too. The last thing we need is for something to happen to you. I’ll be in touch.”
We hung up, and seconds later, Shane pushed my curtain aside and leaned down into my bunk looking like a bat in a cave.
“She okay?”
“Not great. But hangin’ in there.”
“I’m sorry, man.”
I ran my hands down my face. “Nothing anyone can do. But thanks.”
“We’ll be back home soon. Only a few more shows on this tour.”
“Not soon enough. The kids need me.”
Shane didn’t answer right away. He scrunched his brow as he said, “I know you love those kids, Damien. But isn’t there someone else who can help take care of them? Somewhere they could stay while Violet gets better and you tour?”
I had to fight the red-hot anger as it bubbled inside me at his words.
My jaw tightened. “I’m all they have. I won’t abandon them.” I never wanted them to feel like I did as a kid. Like I wasn’t good enough. That no one cared about me. That no one loved me.
Shane sighed. “I know you won’t. Just remember, I’m here if you need anything.” Shane straightened and the curtain fell back into place. “All you have to do is ask.”
But that was the problem, wasn’t it?
I wasn’t one to ask for help.
I could do it myself.
Most people didn’t realize the behind-the-scenes work that went into playing a gig.
Besides the actual performance, we had to set up and tear down, perform equipment checks, book with the venue, and arrange for travel.
Even though we’d signed with a label, most of those duties fell squarely on our shoulders.
Colton put an amp down beside me. “That’s the last of it. Now we need to set up the merch table.”
I huffed, moving my hands from my hips to wipe the sweat from my forehead. “Always something to be done.”
Colton smirked. “Don’t worry, Princess. We won’t have you do too much.”
I turned to face him. “What?”
“I said don’t worry. Before the show tonight, you’ll have plenty of time to press your outfit and style your hair.”
Glaring, I raised my chin. He was barely taller than me, but I could scrap with the best of them and I wasn’t afraid to get my hands dirty when needed.
One of the consequences of going through the teenage years without parents.
“I’ve had a really shitty morning. I don’t have time for your immaturity right now. ”
“Hey, guys. Let’s cool it down, okay?” Hudson said, stepping between us.
I scoffed as I turned and started walking away, yelling over my shoulder. “It’s your lucky day, Colton.”
I walked out into the afternoon sun, my fists clenched tight, ready to hit something, anything.
Anger, frustration, and helplessness pulsed through me, and I couldn’t quiet the storm.
There were times when Colton and I didn’t see eye to eye.
The phrase ‘too many cooks in the kitchen’ applied, but I couldn’t see how this little tussle was related.
As far as I knew, we had been on the same page with band stuff for a while.
As we completed the preparations for the show, the weight of my emotions pressed down on me.
I felt like a metal wire, each moment winding me tighter and tighter.
Worry for my sister and the urgent need to be with my niece and nephew gnawed at me.
It was only a matter of time before the tension became too much to bear and I snapped.
Colton and I stayed out of each other’s way for the rest of the afternoon. As patrons arrived at the venue, I put on my most friendly facade. The last thing I needed was my resting bitch face to be misinterpreted by someone who came to enjoy our music.
Standing behind the merch table, I took in a deep breath and rolled my shoulders, forcing the stiffness away and allowing the muscles in my body to relax.
It wasn’t only passion that drove me, music was part of who I was. I found myself in every note, every harmony, every song.
It was the essence of my existence and coursed through my veins. Without music, I felt nothing but emptiness.
I needed it. I craved it.
It was all of me, and just knowing I’d be performing soon improved my mood. None of my worries could touch me on stage.
But then I sensed her gaze on me.