Chapter 7 #2
Rebel Rebellion’s CD lay nestled in my purse from the night out with Jade all those weeks ago, so I grabbed it from the passenger seat and slid it into the player.
My smile widened as I threw my seatbelt off and opened the door to stand on the frame. I unhooked the latches on the freedom tops and placed them inside our garage.
It wasn’t exactly topless, but close enough right now. I couldn’t get the hard top off by myself, and asking Elijah was out of the question.
I dreamed of one day owning a garage with a lift for the Jeep hardtop so I could easily remove it and put it back on without help whenever I got the urge.
After all, taking the top off was the whole point of owning a Jeep Wrangler.
Enjoying the sun warming my skin, I pulled out of our driveway with no destination in mind.
Saturday morning at the end of summer meant Folly Beach and Folly Rd would be jam-packed. So, I headed in the opposite direction down Bohicket Rd toward Kiawah Island.
This part of Charleston wasn’t as busy, and old tall trees surrounded the double-lane road.
I’d driven down this way by accident when we’d first moved to John’s Island, but now it was my go-to when I needed to clear my head.
Down this road, no one was in a rush. Everyone seemed more interested in taking in the atmosphere.
My mind wandered easily as I listened to the velvety smooth tones of Damien’s voice.
I was having trouble looking at myself and understanding why I thought I was happy. Could the fact that I loved Elijah excuse the truth that he continued to treat me worse and worse?
Would this really be how the rest of my life went? Bending over backward for his parents and hoping they would finally accept me? Stuck in this state of complacency, too afraid to make ripples in the pond, but not experiencing the true happiness this world offered.
An image of Damien on stage with that twinkle in his eyes flashed in my mind. Nothing held him back from living his life to the fullest… and I wanted to be like that, too.
I kept driving until I reached the gate that allowed you to drive into Kiawah and turned around. This time, I drove straight to Jade’s.
My phone rang over the speakers of the Jeep.
“Hello?” I asked.
“Hey, girl. What are you doing?”
“Blake! Oh my God! How are you?”
Blakely Mason was my best friend from childhood. She and I had become fast friends in middle school and were inseparable until I left for college.
“Just checking in. You’ve been quiet recently.”
“Sorry.” I honestly didn’t have an excuse, either. I got that way every now and then. Withdrawing from everyone when being social became more of a chore than anything else.
“Please. Don’t apologize. I know how you get.”
“Only because you get the same way.”
“Exactly. So here I am, checking in on my BFF.”
“Honestly, you kinda caught me in the middle of a come-to-Jesus moment. I think I’m changing. I don’t recognize myself anymore and I don’t know what I need.”
“Well. Damn. I wasn’t exactly expecting all that.”
I sighed. “Just ignore me. I don’t even know what I’m saying anymore.”
“Do you want to talk about it? We can flesh this out. You don’t have to do it alone.”
Did I want to talk about it? Not really. Not with anyone. At least not yet. I didn’t want to lay everything out there let alone think about it.
I shook my head, even though she couldn’t see it. “It’s okay. I’m just in a weird place, I think. It will pass. It always does.”
At least, it normally did. Before, when I’d get anxious about things, I eventually straightened myself out.
I rediscovered my love of life and saw Elijah for the partner he was.
The person who helped nurse me back to health when I’d caught a cold, who wanted to work hard and give me anything my heart desired, and who promised to love me for the rest of my life.
But now, with Damien in the back of mind, he made me wonder… was I settling into monotony?
“Enough about me,” I said. “How are you? How is Dean? Has he heard from Noah recently?”
“Fine, fine. Everything is exactly the same as it always is here. Nothing changes, and I’m grateful.
There are no surprises around the corner.
Dean and I talked about getting a place together, but I had to tell him I wasn’t ready.
So, he was pretty upset about that for a while.
And actually, Noah deployed… again. Somewhere in the Middle East. I swear, I don’t know how he and … ” The words died on her lips.
I recognized where her thoughts were going. He and Jamie. Jamie MacIntyre was the guy who trampled all over her heart—so we hated his guts. They were both combat controllers in the United States Air Force and they were away from home a lot.
“I’d hate to not sleep in my own bed for so long.”
Blake pushed out a laugh. “Yeah… you’re right.”
Notes of sadness settled in her tone and it seemed we were both stuck in this weird state of in-between. What did we want? What did we need?
“Listen,” I said. “It was great to hear your voice and catch up, but I’m pulling into Jade’s. Text me later?”
“Of course. And tell her I said hi. I miss her, too!”
“I will.”
We hung up as my tires rolled over the lip of the parking lot. Jade lived in an apartment on James Island, just past the connector. I didn’t call her before showing up since Blake had called me first, so I used the key Jade had given me ‘for emergencies’ to let myself in.
I helped her out last night, so I figured I could come over if I wanted.
She had a perfectly sized two-bedroom apartment on the top floor that she filled with all the things that reminded me of our childhood together. Coming here always put me at ease. A haven away from my own home.
Her apartment showed zero signs of life this morning, so I kicked off my shoes and put my purse down next to the door.
I tiptoed on the carpet—yes… I know… ridiculous—toward a dark bedroom and saw the sleeping figure that belonged to my sister from another mister.
She was sprawled out in the middle of the bed, her hair fanned across her pillow, reminding me of how a child usually slept.
Sideways, feet out, and like they didn’t have a care in the world.
Jade was clearly in a deep sleep.
So, I did what all good sisters do.
I jumped—and I do mean vaulted myself into the air—into the bed with her.
“What the fuck!” she yelled, flailing her arms around, trying to protect herself from the incoming intruder.
When she saw my grinning face, she exhaled deeply.
“God damn, can’t you figure out any other way to wake me up? I hear back rubs are nice or some soft whispering. Not some kung-fu type shit.”
“I’ll take it up with my boss for consideration.”
Jade groaned as she burrowed herself deeper into her comforter. “I was having such a pleasant dream, too.”
I leaned back against the headboard and put my hands behind my head as I crossed my legs. “Ooh, do share with the class.”
Jade peeked up at me from her pillow. “I can’t. It’s embarrassing.”
“Ha! I was there when you spit your gum on that older guy at the playground as kids. I saw you slip on ice and land on your ass. I promise you, it can’t be that bad.”
She turned her head into the pillow. “It was about Damien.” Her voice was muffled by the material.
And I was grateful she couldn’t see my face.
Everyone knew I had no control over it. The expressions my face threw out for the world to see were anyone’s guess.
But right now, on the inside, my emotions were a tangled box of old cords, twisted up and around each other with no way to pull them apart.
The idea of Jade being intimate with Damien, either physically or emotionally, caused my stomach to twist uncomfortably.
Which was completely irrational.
I needed to get a hold of myself.
Jade adjusted her head, peeking one eye out to look at me.
I did my best to plaster on a smile. “I’m waiting for the embarrassing part.”
She pushed herself up to lean against her headboard next to me and said, “I guess it’s not really embarrassing. I just can’t believe I had a dream about him. It wasn’t dirty or anything. We just hung out and talked after a gig I went to in Hawaii.”
“Hawaii?!”
Jade shrugged. “Dreams are funny, aren’t they?”
“Except you’ve been talking about your honeymoon to Hawaii for like… forever and a half. So that has to mean something.”
“No clue. But I gotta say, I slay in lei.”
I giggled. I loved her witty comebacks and self-assurance. Which made me hate myself for having any sort of reaction toward Damien Walker at all. “Well, I don’t think that’s bad. People have dreams about different people all the time. Doesn’t have to mean anything.”
“Yeah…” Her voice came out soft, and she gazed across the room, distracted.
“You like him. Like really like him.”
“How can I like him? I barely know him.”
But I could tell from the light blush covering her skin that she was trying to convince herself more than me. Drunk Jade didn’t have any problem opening up about her crush, but sober Jade did.
“That’s not true. You can like him a lot without knowing him. Figuring each other out is the fun part. It’s totally normal.”
“I’m not sure about that.”
“There is still plenty to be attracted to. I mean, he’s super hot, a hell of a singer, and is really nice. To everyone but me that is, but that’s beside the point. He has this air about him that just draws you in. I can understand why you’d be crushing on him. Damien seems like a decent guy.”
I stopped myself from continuing. It was like word vomit, and I didn’t know where it had come from. Jade didn’t need me to tell her any of that. She already knew it. The two of them had an established friendship.
Jade pulled her knees to her chest, as if she was protecting herself from something. “I wasn’t around when you and Elijah started dating because we didn’t attend the same college. Is that what happened to you two? Love at first sight?”
I snorted. “No. Actually. I’d been seeing another guy when I met Elijah.
He and I were friends and bonded over our love of music.
We’d stay up late just listening to our favorite songs.
He used to play them on his guitar.” I rolled my eyes.
“That was back when he considered it socially acceptable to play. He hasn’t played in years.
But I digress. We’d been best friends first. It wasn’t until I’d broken up with the other guy that Elijah and I even saw each other that way. ”
“That sounds like a sweet love story.”
“Or one of Shakespeare’s tragic plays.”
This time, Jade snorted. “Don’t be so dramatic. You guys are going to get married and have cute little babies running around that look just like you two. Smart tiny daredevils who will have the best aunt in the world. AKA—me.”
“I only assumed you were referring to yourself. No need to clarify who the world’s greatest aunt is. I only have one sister.”
I tried to laugh with her, but the idea of that life—married with kids to Elijah—caused my body to turn cold while simultaneously breaking out in a sweat. The thought terrified me, when it had once brought me so much joy.
I chewed on my bottom lip.
That could only mean one thing, and I wanted to bury my head back into the sands of denial.
I wasn’t ready for that reality yet.