Chapter 16
Chapter Sixteen
Cadence
“How many times do you plan on getting wasted while visiting me? Is my company that bad?”
My mom always had a way with words.
I groaned as I grabbed a mug from the cupboard and filled it with coffee. Mom was sitting at the kitchen table, and I turned toward her. “I’m never drinking again.”
“I’ve heard that one a time or two.” She paused as I put the cream back in the fridge. “Did you have fun, though?”
I nodded as I took a sip. The hot liquid soothed my dry throat, and at that moment, I was certain coffee was all I ever needed in life.
“I’m glad you’re reconnecting with your friends. They miss you.”
“I miss them, too. I didn’t realize how much until now.”
“It’s a shame Liam doesn’t live here anymore.”
“Jamie is only here for a short time, too. Who knows when he’ll move away.”
“Damn. You’re right. And now he’s going to take Blake with him.”
I nodded again. “So, I’m not the only one who left. We are all on our own paths to find ourselves.”
“When does Liam head back west?”
“He has an early flight out tomorrow, so we plan to get together for lunch today.”
“Wow. A back-to-back. Do you think you can handle it?”
“Mom! We aren’t going to drink at lunch. It’s going to be fine.”
She sat back in her chair. “I’m only saying, don’t drink and drive. Call me if you need me.”
I walked over to the table and pulled out a chair, the noise buying me time as I sat down.
Mom studied me. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine, Mom.”
She leaned in, putting her arms on the table. Reaching over, she placed her hand on my arm. “I mean it. Cadence, are you okay? Why the sudden trip home?”
“I told you why.”
“Cut the shit. I wasn’t born yesterday.”
“Fine,” I sighed. “Things have been weird between Elijah and I. And this was a good excuse to get some perspective.”
“Weird? How?”
I pulled at my shirt collar, trying to form my newest emotions into words.
Last night, I’d barely spoken to Elijah.
I’d been out with my friends and he was at some sort of business dinner.
Something to do with the new acquisition.
It had been like that the entire time I was visiting Fayetteville.
He was busy and I was busy, so we carried on with little interaction.
He seemed genuinely disinterested in how my trip was going.
So, I explained to Mom all the ups and downs and the weird stress recently. I came clean about how he was treating me and how he had offhandedly threatened my job after taking vacation.
“Have you told him any of this? Told him how you feel?”
I shook my head. “He’s not exactly interested in talking about it. And when we do, it leads to a fight.”
“I’m sorry, sweetie.”
“I’ve been seeing things with more clarity recently. I’ve opened the beautiful glittery cage that he put me in, and I need to decide if I like it inside or if I want to climb out.”
“Third option, set the damn cage on fire.”
I chuckled. “Or that.”
“You are too bright to be confined in a cage. That’s what makes you special. Elijah knows it, too. He sees your light and wants it all to himself. To dim your brilliance and tame your cleverness.”
I dropped my gaze to my coffee, running my finger along the rim.
More times than I could count, Elijah explicitly asked me not to be me, but to be a better version of myself. A suitable character the high society of Charleston would approve of.
Now I saw with absolute clarity, how he’d muted me without me even realizing it. Trying to diminish the pieces of myself that I loved the most. Being back with my friends had revealed how much I’d locked away to make Elijah happy.
“I’m an idiot.”
“No, honey, you’re not. It happens a lot. We try so hard to make the one we love happy. To give them the joy that they give us until we morph into who we think they want us to be. But sometimes that person is not who we truly are, and it takes time to see that.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat as tears lined my eyes.
“But, sweetie,” Mom continued. “Once the rose-colored glasses have been broken, it’s impossible to return to what was. You are no longer ignorant.”
“I know. I wouldn’t want to, anyway.”
“The only way to go is forward.”
Silence fell as we sipped our coffee.
I heard the morning birds chirping outside the kitchen window.
My mom had placed a bird feeder there when I was fifteen, and we would sit and watch it for hours, waiting for the birds to find the treats we put out for them.
As I looked at that piece of plastic pressed against the glass, I wondered if Damien was the type to enjoy sitting and watching the birds.
Elijah never would. It was too stationary a task. He’d be bored out of his mind, get annoyed with the lack of activity, and lash out.
“You know,” Mom said, breaking me out of my trance.
“A very similar thing happened with me and your father. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a great father to you, and I’m not saying anything bad about him.
But he put me in a box, and I was there for a long time.
One day, I met someone and saw that I didn’t have to live like that anymore.
I could find out who I was again and be happy. ”
“You met a guy?”
She nodded as a blush crept onto her cheeks.
“I did. And just so we are clear, I never cheated on your father. It wasn’t like that.
But long story short, I found a deeper meaning to my life through that someone and realized I had the power to change my circumstances.
I set fire to my paper box, and honestly, I’ve never looked back. ”
“Where is he now?” I’d never heard this before. My mom barely dated anyone since she and my dad divorced. Meanwhile, my dad had already re-married and divorced again.
My mom gazed up dreamily at the ceiling. “He was in the military and relocated. A common thing here in Fayetteville.”
“You mean, you didn’t keep in touch?”
“Honey, this was years ago. We didn’t have all this social media crap you have these days.”
“Okay, fair. But have you looked him up recently? Did he get married? What if he is still single? Mom!”
She laughed. “No, I haven’t done any of that. And I probably won’t. He helped me through the toughest time in my life, and I’ll always be grateful for that. I’d hate to tarnish the memory of him with reality. He could very well be a total ass now. Who knows?”
“You never know. He could be your soul mate.”
“And you believe in soul mates? You? Since when?” She raised an eyebrow.
“Hey, hey. We changed the subject. We are talking about you now. What’s his name? I’ll look him up.”
She laughed again. “How about you just go get ready for your lunch? Take a long hot shower and get all dolled up.”
I looked at the clock on the wall above the table. “Fine. I’ll take the hot shower, but no promises with the getting dolled up part. I’m recovering from a night of drinking.”
“Which is why you need to cover up those bags under your eyes.”
I scoffed as I stood. “Gee, thanks, Mom. And I am not letting this conversation about the mystery guy go.”
“You wouldn’t be my daughter if you did. And you look beautiful, sweetie. You always do.”
“Hmph.”
I gave my mom a last, curious glance from the corner of my eye before heading into my room and grabbing my clothes for the shower. The older I got, the more I learned about my mother and the trials she faced, creating a greater appreciation for the bond we shared.
Despite the drunken night at Stadium Club, I couldn’t wait to see my friends again. We’d had so much fun hanging out with Rebel Rebellion, and each of them genuinely seemed to like the band.
Of course, Blake kept an extra close eye on Damien, but her wink as she’d left with Jamie told me everything.
She approved of whatever it was we were.
When I hugged Damien last night, it felt different from before. Things between us were changing.
It was the first time we had the opportunity to talk alone in person alone without any distractions and solidified our friendship, and once I added in the insane chemistry between us…
The way he’d leaned into me outside had been so intoxicating I’d momentarily lost all sense of reality.
I hadn’t allowed myself to dwell on it or process it yet. I’d been a bit on the drunk side last night, and this morning I hadn’t wanted to think about it at all.
Remembering would complicate things even more, like how his scent had lingered around me, how his body seemed to awaken a dormant part of me, or the warmth of his hands as his fingers interlaced with mine.
I pushed the thoughts out of my head as I grabbed my purse off my bedroom floor.
This morning, I’d found a trail of items strewn across my room.
One of my cowboy boots was left outside my door in the hall, the other just inside.
I’d tossed my purse into the corner and before collapsing into bed, I’d stripped out of my jeans and tossed them in the closet.
My flannel lay on the floor by the window.
I didn’t remember drinking that much last night. But being around Damien had made me nervous, and I’d developed an appetite for vodka the longer the night went on.
“Bye, Mom! I’ll be back soon,” I yelled as I left.
“Bye, sweetie. Have fun!”
The crisp fall air greeted me. Charleston had yet to welcome autumn, so the cooler weather was a nice change.
We were meeting at a newer restaurant in town, so I pulled up Google Maps and let it do its thing as I propped it in my cup holder to see the map.
Driving down the familiar road filled me with nostalgia. This was where I’d spent most of my childhood. Running down these streets and playing with my friends.
My mom resided in a different neighborhood than the MacIntyres, the Knights, and the Richeys.
She lived closer to Blake’s grandma’s house.
It wasn’t quite as nice on our side of the tracks.
While their homes were made of brick and had color-coordinating shutters, ours were lucky to have all the siding and no mildew growing on them.