Chapter 18
Chapter Eighteen
Damien
Iwas there.
That moment when I knew I was in too deep.
As soon as Cadence said someone touched her against her will, my vision had turned crimson. Little half-moons were imprinted on my palms from where I’d clenched my fist to keep myself from reacting. It made me sick to my stomach imagining what could have happened to her.
She had looked so lost for a moment, white as a sheet with this faraway stare.
I was afraid I’d lose her for good. She was already pulling away from me, I could feel it.
Like sand between my fingers. I was smart enough to realize if I held on too tight, it would only make her slip away faster.
I only hoped there would still be some of her left for me to hold on to.
I closed my eyes, taking in two deep breaths, trying to calm my agitated nerves. If ever, by the grace of God, I found myself in the same room as that boss of hers, he’d never lay his hand on anyone ever again.
The hardest part was to quiet the desire that burned through me to be the one to avenge her, protect her, and shelter her from any other sick fuck who dared to defile her. The urge filled every muscle of my body.
More than that, I wanted her to be mine.
To claim her in front of the entire world.
And I would.
Proudly.
Shout it from every Goddamn rooftop if I could.
There was zero point in denying it anymore—I needed her.
Every single part of her.
Her captivating eyes, that sweet smile, her sassy attitude, that soft and curvy body… all of it.
When she told me she had reached out to her boyfriend already, it knocked the air out of me, like a punch straight in the gut.
She went to him first. Not me. And it pissed me off.
I groaned as I pushed my fingers into my hair and pulled.
I was royally fucked.
Admitting this to myself had consequences. I couldn’t look at Cadence and not think about any of this.
She was no longer just another girl. I couldn’t be one of her friends. I didn’t want to hear about her relationship, and I sure as hell didn’t need to listen to her talk about him.
The last time Cadence and I were together, I’d barely kept my composure, much to my astonishment. But I wouldn’t be able to do it again.
How the fuck did I let myself get into this mess? And with a woman who was in a serious and committed relationship?
But I knew. Deep down, I knew how.
She was emotionally unavailable, or so I told myself, which had drawn me in whether I wanted to admit that or not. It was safe to flirt and tease her. She wouldn’t catch feelings because she already had a boyfriend.
I wouldn’t get hurt.
Little did I know, I would be the one to catch those feelings.
And I wasn’t a feeling’s kind of guy anymore.
Fuck. Me.
I should have known from the day we met. I’d been drawn to her then, and even after I found out she wasn’t available, I still couldn’t get her out of my head. That should have been my first clue.
Not only was she beautiful, but she was intelligent and clever. Her messages made me laugh and she had a way of always making me feel better when I was down. She was sweet and kind, always ready to help out someone in trouble. Just like she helped us when we needed that tow.
At first, we’d bonded over our shared love of music, but now I simply enjoyed talking to her.
When my heart stopped listening to the rational parts of my brain, I should have run in the opposite direction.
But, in my defense, I had tried to keep my distance from her… not that it lasted.
Apparently, I was a masochist. I had only set myself up for heartache once again.
But Cadence was nothing like Vanessa.
There was no comparison between the two.
I didn’t know that at the beginning when I met Cadence, but I sure as hell knew it now.
“You okay down there?” Shane’s voice pulled me from the endless merry-go-round my thoughts were riding.
“I’m fine. Just thinking.”
“I can hear the cogs turning in your head. Don’t hurt yourself.”
I snorted. “It’s not that serious.”
“Who are you trying to convince here?”
“Myself, obviously.”
“Was that Vi on the phone?”
“No.”
“I didn’t think so. Cadence then.”
“Yeah.”
“She okay?”
I let out a frustrated sigh. “I don’t know.”
“Wanna talk about it?”
“The opposite, in fact. I’d like to forget about it.”
When we finally arrived at the venue, I all but jumped out of the bus, eager to stretch my legs and feel the sunshine on my face.
Anxiety sat just beneath the surface, and I knew I was shutting down. Turning into a robot and running on autopilot.
After my call with Cadence, I checked in on Violet and the kids. Chemo was hitting her hard. She’d slept all day yesterday and could barely get out of bed today. She was nauseous and unable to keep anything down.
Grant was worried sick about her, and I was too. Luckily, Maylee thought the world was still full of fairy godmothers who wouldn’t let her mom suffer and believed Vi would be okay with her whole heart.
None of us could bear to tell her otherwise.
I was still in denial myself.
I’d told Jodie the same thing I always did because it was the only thing I had to offer.
Whatever Violet needed. No expense spared.
I couldn’t lose her.
Taking care of the financial aspect did nothing to calm the guilt that gnawed at my chest for not being there. But Violet had insisted I continue my tour. She didn’t want me to cancel on our fans.
And I was shit at telling her no.
Not only that, but if we canceled the shows because of me, it would cost the rest of the band money. And I couldn’t stomach that, either.
I’d called looking for some good news. To help calm the fire that burned inside me, because I couldn’t be Cadence’s knight in shining armor. Instead, I realized that I wasn’t fit to be anyone’s champion.
I was nowhere near the people I cared about the most. No matter which way I turned, I couldn’t do anything for anyone.