2012
There, smiling at him, stood Bergthóra.
Only a short time ago this would have been a perfectly normal sight. In another house, admittedly, and another life.
The unexpected visit threw him so badly that he couldn’t stutter out a word.
He registered from the sudden burning sensation that he had spilt scalding coffee down himself. It had splashed his clothes, his trousers and shirt, and his bare arm.
Only a moment ago, the strong smell of coffee had conjured up such happy memories. But these evaporated in an instant, to be replaced by a chilling reality.
As the cup landed on the black floor tiles, Helgi heard the sound of it smashing, but he didn’t glance down, just stared, stunned, at the woman in the doorway.
Somewhere in the flat he became aware of music playing. Oh yes, he had put a record on the stereo. But he had been so distracted by his thoughts that he had tuned it out. Now, though, to his suddenly acute hearing, it seemed amplified. Deafening even.
‘Can I come in?’ Bergthóra asked in an ominously flat, cold voice. It dawned on Helgi that he had probably never known Bergthóra. Not truly. He had lived with her and put up with her violence and drinking, but it seemed she had been hiding something else behind those problems.
‘What?’ Helgi said to win time, trying to grasp what was going on. Come to terms with the fact that it was Bergthóra, not Aníta, standing there in the doorway. He felt totally disorientated. Aníta was due any minute. The two women mustn’t meet again; that was unthinkable.
‘I asked if I could come in,’ Bergthóra repeated, in a loud, clear voice, as though nothing could be more natural than for her to be there.
‘No. We have nothing to discuss, Bergthóra,’ he said, after a brief hesitation. ‘Nothing at all. What the fuck are you doing here?’
‘I just wanted to talk to you.’ There was a look in her eyes that made his blood run cold. As if she wasn’t really addressing her words to him. As if she was looking through him, talking into a void.
‘You’ve got to leave,’ he said firmly, taking a step backwards.
How the hell was he going to get rid of her?
He wasn’t afraid of her; that wasn’t the problem. She had used violence against him in the past, more than once, but he had usually managed to defend himself. He was stronger than her and she wouldn’t be able to take him by surprise this time.
She must be drunk.
He was confident that he could contain the situation. She had already shown him her worst side in their relationship, so nothing she did now could take him by surprise.
He told himself he wasn’t a victim any more. He didn’t owe her anything – whereas she owed him rent.
But he had to get rid of her as quickly as possible.
The only question was whether he would be able to persuade her, whether she would come to her senses.
‘Bergthóra, you have to go,’ he repeated, when she continued standing there.
‘No, I’m not going anywhere,’ she answered coolly. ‘I’m not budging an inch, Helgi.’
He stepped outside, pulling the door to behind him, wanting to deal with her in the open.
Under no circumstances was he going to invite her into his new home.
The air was raw out here and the rain that had been getting on his nerves all day long showed no signs of abating.
He stood there in nothing but his shirtsleeves, braving the cold and trying to stay in the shelter of the shallow porch.
His thoughts flew to Aníta, who had chosen to go out in this. He peered into the darkness, trying to see if she was coming down the street. He didn’t have much time.
‘We have nothing to say to each other, Bergthóra. You’ve got to leave me alone. You should be grateful I didn’t report you to the police.’
She smiled. ‘Report me? What for? An accident? All couples have rows.’ She was soaked to the skin, but this didn’t seem to bother her. She just stood there, immovable.
‘Shall I call you a taxi, Bergthóra? You need to go home.’
‘My home is with you, Helgi. And I don’t need a fucking taxi. I drove here.’
‘What?’
‘I said: I drove here!’
‘Just what is going on with you?’ This was neither the time nor the place for a showdown, yet he was burning to bring up her visit to Aníta’s workplace, the incident on the bus, and more.
And not just to bring them up but bawl her out.
Castigate her so savagely that she wouldn’t dare repeat her behaviour.
‘You – cheating on me like that.’
‘ I did not cheat on you . I finished with you, Bergthóra, after you tried to kill me.’ He immediately regretted this reply. Getting into an argument with her was the worst thing he could do when she was in a mood like this. He had no hope of winning.
‘If I’d meant to do that, I’d have succeeded,’ she said menacingly.
‘OK, now I’m calling the police.’
‘You are the police, Helgi.’
This had to stop.
He could feel the fury boiling up inside him.
Bergthóra plainly had no intention of listening to him. Perhaps the only answer was to make good his threat and call the police. Thank God, neither of them had raised their voice, so with any luck the neighbours wouldn’t have noticed anything yet. If only he could get rid of her.
Again, he scanned the street for Aníta.
‘Expecting someone?’ Bergthóra asked, in such an icy tone that her words sent a shiver through him.
He hesitated.
‘I’m… I’m expecting a guest. You’ve got to go.’
‘Well, well. A guest, is it? Who’s coming round?’
Making a superhuman effort to control his anger, he pulled his phone from his pocket. ‘I’m going to make that call, Bergthóra.’
‘Were you expecting Aníta?’ she asked, her voice dripping with spite.
‘That’s none of your fucking business, Bergthóra.’ He selected the number of the police and prepared to call it.
‘I know it was her,’ Bergthóra said. Helgi, momentarily confused, looked up and caught her eye. God, she could be evil.
‘Did you talk to her again, Bergthóra? Did you? You’d better leave her alone, or—’
‘Or what?’
‘Did you go and see her again? She told me you’d barged in on her at work, but…’
Bergthóra smiled. ‘No, I won’t be talking to her any more.’
Helgi felt a rush of relief.
‘Right, well, let’s keep it like that,’ he said firmly, feeling for a moment as if he’d achieved the upper hand again. Though he knew this was rarely the case in their dealings.
‘Yes, let’s,’ she said, disconcerting him.
Then she muttered something under her breath, the words drowned out by the noise of the rain.
‘What? What did you say?’
For a second Helgi thought Bergthóra had given up and was saying goodbye. That he would be able to continue his evening as planned, almost as if this intrusion had never happened. There was no way Aníta would hear about Bergthóra’s visit from him.
‘I said…’ She raised her voice: ‘Aníta won’t be coming now.’
‘What do you mean?’ His heart started pounding in his chest. ‘Of course she’s coming.’
‘I drove into her,’ Bergthóra said matter-of-factly. ‘Just up the street from here.’
The words caught in Helgi’s throat. He prayed he’d heard wrong. But he knew he hadn’t.
‘The visibility was so poor,’ Bergthóra added, her voice suddenly so clear and calm that it occurred to him that she might not be drunk after all. She might even be stone-cold sober.
He was hit by a tidal wave of memories, an inexorable flood of images featuring Bergthóra, not Aníta, and all the terrible things he had let himself be subjected to without ever speaking up for himself.
He had let her get away with her violence month after month, and failed to get a grip on the situation until it nearly ended in disaster.
There had never been a real showdown. He had simply shut her out and tried to dismiss the terrible experiences from his mind, vacillating between guilt and sadness, then later being filled with uncontrollable joy when he believed he was finally free and would never have to deal with her again.
Now, too late, he was beginning to get an inkling of how terrifyingly deep her character flaws went.
He should have been permanently on his guard, he understood that now, and of course he should have warned Aníta of the danger.
The visibility was so poor , Bergthóra had said, so casually, and he wanted to scream at her at the top of his voice, but right now his most urgent priority was to find out if she was telling the truth, and, if she was, to go to Aníta’s aid.
Perhaps, just perhaps – God he hoped so – Bergthóra was lying. This faint hope ignited a spark that ran through him like fire, a gleam of light in this accursed rain.
‘Where is she?’ he asked hoarsely. ‘Where’s Aníta?’ While he was waiting for her answer, he tried to picture Aníta’s face, but he couldn’t. She seemed shrouded in mist, as though he couldn’t even command his imagination any more.
‘Just up the street from here, I said. You weren’t listening to me, Helgi. But then you never do.’
She was disturbingly calm, with that uncannily cold glint in her eyes.
The visibility was so poor…
‘Are you telling me the truth, Bergthóra?’ he asked, allowing himself to hope, though of course he should have been straight out of here, racing to save Aníta.
‘I’ve never lied, Helgi. Unlike you. I know you started seeing that woman while we were still together.’
‘No! That’s not true, that’s simply not true.’
Then he was running. There was no point arguing with her; it wouldn’t achieve anything.
The downpour was mixed with hail now, which stung his eyes and face as he ran.
He felt as if he was trying to force his way against the wind, though perhaps that was his imagination.
The situation was reminiscent of a bad dream, an unsettlingly realistic, utterly chilling, terrifyingly convincing nightmare.
Visibility was poor, that was true enough.
He couldn’t see Aníta anywhere, but he wiped his eyes and kept running, only slowing his frantic pace a little so he wouldn’t miss anything if she turned out to be lying on the side of the road.
It felt as if he were about to hit a wall, as if he had come to a dead end and his world reached this far and no further.
Perhaps it would be best to stop here in the middle of the road and let himself drown in the deluge, forget everything and never have to find out whether it was true that Bergthóra had knocked Aníta down.
No sooner had the thought occurred to him than it was driven out by the sight ahead. There she lay, in the dim glow of the nearest streetlight.
The heavens screamed.
Helgi set off at a run towards her.
THE END