Chapter 11 #2
It’s a dismissal as much as a question. Dismissing every ounce of what is between us. Not important.
I turn to face him, tipping my head up, and ensuring my expression is perfectly blank. “Of course. How silly of me to think it mattered. I’ll be sure to stick to my job from now on — spend my time solely with Emmanuel. Nothing further.”
“That’s not what I meant —”
“Isn’t it?” I meet his eyes, refusing to let him see how hurt I am. How desperately I’m trying not to cry. “You’ve made it very clear. This is your business, absolutely none of mine. I’ve overstepped. Message received, Mr. Cierro.”
“Would you stop calling me that? You’re putting words in my mouth.”
“Am I? Because it sounds like you’re planning a marriage with someone else while making me believe that there is something real building between us. While telling me you want me in your bed. Forgive me for being confused about where I fit in this equation.”
He huffs out a frustrated breath. “You’re being dramatic.”
“And you’re being an asshole.” The words are out before I can take them back, and my hand flies to my mouth, eyes widening. I can’t believe I just said that.
Omero clears his throat, standing and skirting around me. “I should … give you two some privacy.”
He doesn’t wait for Basili’s permission, slipping out the door and closing it behind himself with an audible click. And then it’s just Basili and me, the air between us tense.
“You have no idea what you’re talking about,” he says again, his voice becoming low and dangerous.
“Then please, explain it to me.” I take a step toward him, crossing my arms across my chest, my hands clenching at my sides. “Explain how you can have your hands all over me one night and be planning a wedding to another woman the next.”
“That’s not what I was —”
“Then what is it, Basili?” Another step. I want him so badly to deny it, to say I’d heard wrong. “Because from where I’m standing, that’s exactly what it looks like. That's all I am, a convenient distraction. Someone to pass the time with.”
He moves forward then, closing the distance between us in three long strides. Now, we’re toe to toe, close enough that I can see the muscle jumping in his jaw, close enough to feel the heat radiating off of him.
But he doesn’t touch me. He doesn’t reach for me like he’s done before.
“You think that’s all you are? A distraction?” His voice is barely more than a whisper, rough and raspy. “You think I would touch you the way I did, kiss you the way I did, if you meant nothing to me?”
“I don’t know what to think anymore.” My voice cracks as I look up into his eyes, despite my best effort to keep it steady. “You tell me I’m different. That you want me, all of me. And then I find out you’re negotiating a marriage —”
“Chloe, you’re everything I want. That’s not a lie, I promise you it’s not.” His jaw clenches, he’s fighting with the words. “You’re complicated and infuriating, and you’re standing here accusing me of things you don’t understand —”
“Then make me understand!”
“I can’t!” The words explode from him. “You want honesty from me, but you won’t give it in return. You won’t even tell me who you really are! Where you came from, and what you’re running from.”
“That’s not fair. It’s not the same.”
“Isn’t it?” He’s even closer now, close enough that I have to tilt my head back to meet his eyes. “You heard half a conversation and jumped to conclusions. You didn’t ask. You didn’t wait. You just assumed the worst and came in here ready to burn the house down.”
“Because what I heard —”
“What you heard was business, Chloe. Ugly, complicated business that has nothing to do with what’s happening between us.”
“How can it have nothing to do with us when it’s about you getting married?”
“Because I’m not marrying anyone!” The words come out harshly. “I’m not accepting that arrangement. It’s all a game, Chloe, these negotiations and treaties. But I’m telling you, it’s an entirely different world than the one you’ve grown up in at the orphanage.”
His eyes lock on mine, and there’s so much in them. So much he is holding back still.
“Every time I close my eyes, I think about you.” His voice is rough and raw. “About having you pinned beneath me in the gym that day. Having you tied up and blindfolded in the kitchen, falling apart in my hands. Because you make me feel more alive than I have felt in years.”
My breath catches, and silence falls between us, heavy and charged for a long moment.
“But you’re right about one thing,” he finally continues, his voice going cold again. “You don’t fit into the equation. So if you don’t want to keep doing this, then tell me.”
I gulp because he’s right. I don’t fit in here. Fitting the equation would mean falling right back into the world I’d left behind.
“I don’t want to do this anymore.” My voice is barely more than a whisper, and the words physically hurt to say.
He searches my face for a long time before finally stepping back, and the loss of his proximity is as devastating as our words.
“Miss Tao.” The formal address is deliberate, cruel. “Thank you for informing me about Emmanuel’s progress. You can take the rest of the day off.”
It’s a dismissal. Clear and final.
I turn on my heel and walk toward the door, my vision blurring with tears that I refuse to let fall until I’m fully out of sight.
“And Chloe?” His voice stops me at the threshold.
I don’t turn around.
“In the future, don’t eavesdrop on conversations. It’s unbecoming.”
I nod, but I don’t turn around. Walking out before he can say anything further. Before I can say anything else. Before I break down completely and tell him everything.
I’m halfway down the hallway when the tears start, angry and humiliating. I knew better, I’ve always known better.
Women like me? We’re just convenient. Disposable.
I barely make it outside before I start sobbing. A slew of emotions is taking over. This is why I don’t let people in. This is why I resist trusting anyone besides Jay. This is why I keep my walls up and my secrets close.
The moment I let someone in, the moment I let myself feel again, they let me down. They abandon me. Throw me aside like I never mattered to begin with. Every. Single. Time.
“Rough afternoon?”
I jerk up at the sound of Raffaello, turning to find him leaning against the wall of the house. Arms crossed, one leg bent with his boot lodged against the stucco, watching me in that way he does.
“Go away,” I manage, wiping the tears from my face with one hand and waving the other at him to shoo him away. “I’m not in the mood for your smug bullshit.”
“Can’t. Boss’s orders. I’m still your shadow when you’re not inside that house, remember?
” He pushes off the wall and moves to catch up, settling in to walk beside me as I wander further into the gardens.
“Though I will admit this is a new development. I didn’t think you were a crier. Trouble in paradise?”
“I’m not crying,” I protest, wiping my face again.
“Sure, you’re not, and I’m Santa Claus.” He tries to make it a joke, obviously uneasy. He’s quiet for a moment, thoughtful. “For what it’s worth, you didn’t hear the whole conversation.”
“It doesn’t matter, I heard enough.”
“Did you?” He tilts his head, studying me with a new expression I’ve never seen from him.
Concerned and empathetic. “If you’d been patient and kept listening instead of jumping to conclusions, you might have realized that you could be the chess piece to win that particular game for Basili.
Or, you could be if you decided to be brave and fess up. ”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“I think you do.” His eyes grow sharp, that knowing look donning across his face once more.
“See. Here’s the thing. If you’d told the boss who you really are — who your father really is — maybe you’d already have realized where you fit in all of this.
That walking away isn’t the solution to this particular problem. ”
I stop in my tracks, and I can feel all the blood drain from my face. He knows… of course, he knows. He’s been dropping hints for days. I gulp involuntarily. Unable to look at him, the urge to break into a dead cold run trickles through every nerve in my body.
He turns to face me, towering over me as he looks down on me. “I’m not going to tell him. That needs to come from you. But you need to do it soon before this entire situation gets completely out of control.”
Surprised, I’m able to move through the fear to look up at him, searching his face for any idea of why someone so loyal to Basili would keep such a secret. “And why do you care?”
“Because I like you; you’re good for Emmanuel. And despite being a stubborn pain in the ass, you might actually be good for the boss, too. If you can get the hell out of your own way long enough to be honest with him like he deserves.”
He starts walking again, leading me back to the house.
Pausing by the doorway as he motions me inside.
“Oh, and Chloe? The boss looked like someone killed his dog after you left his office. Whatever you think about how he feels about you, whatever conclusions you’ve jumped to based on what you heard, I promise that you don’t have all the facts. And neither does he.”
All the way back to my room, I digest everything he’d said. What if he’s right and telling Basili the truth, that I’m Delan Tao’s daughter, changes everything? But how can I tell him?
But telling him isn’t what I’m dreading.
How he will react is. Because I’m trapped.
Trapped between the truth I’m so terrified to tell and the lies I can’t keep maintaining.
Trapped between the life I ran away from, the threat that Basili made that first day in the hotel room, and the life I now want with him.
The life I am utterly terrified is out of reach.