Chapter 25
Twenty-Five
From the texts of Dean Kate and
Nico Adrian Capo
Capo: Hey, brother, sorry to text on a Saturday off, but I wanted to reach out and promise you I had NO IDEA Gio Hamper and his business partner were dirty. I knew Gio from the Sons of Italy club my dad made me join the last time he was in town.
And yeah, Gio seemed like a sleazebag, but he seemed like a NORMAL sleazebag, you know? Not a drug-dealing mafia kind of sleazebag. And UFC is growing like crazy. It seemed good to include the UFC dudes along with the NFL and NBA guys, my publicist invited to the launch.
But obviously, if I’d known, I would NOT have had either one of them within 1000 feet of any of our people.
I hope you know that. And I hope you know you can trust me to keep our Voodoo friends and family safe. Safety is my top priority. Way above selling cologne to douchebags or drug lords or anyone else. So…are we cool?
Dean: What are you talking about? I mean, I know what you’re talking about, but how did you know about any of this?
Capo: What? What are YOU talking about?
Dean: I asked you first.
Capo: Um, okay. Well…apparently Dex Valerie and Gio Hamper, the guy who was at my launch party, were arrested last night in an exotic drug sting operation.
A bunch of the local cops are crooked as shit, and the entire UFC community in NOLA is probably on some illegal super drug that turns them into serial killers or something.
It’s all over the news.
So, I’ve been texting everyone who was at my cologne launch party, who might have seen that I also invited Gio, to let them know that I have nothing to do with any of that. I honestly didn’t even know Gio very well.
Now, what are YOU talking about?
Dean: Nothing.
Capo: Bullshit! That wasn’t a nothing response.
That was a weird response. The weirdest response I’ve received so far, in fact.
Most of the guys just texted back “no worries, yeah we’re cool” or didn’t reply at all because they’re still asleep at three p.m. because they have no hustle or respect for themselves.
Or because they hate me…
Or don’t believe me, and think I AM in league with the drug lords and probably on the serial killer sauce, and that’s why I’ve been killing it so hard this season.
Do you think that’s what they think?!
But that is NOT TRUE! I’m just hitting my stride, man. I am in my hockey goal-tending and entrepreneurial prime, and I’m not about to let ugly rumors derail my winning streak right when I’m about to have everything I’ve ever wanted.
Well, except for a functional relationship.
Carrie-Anne broke up with me this morning.
Dean: I’m sorry. Was it because Gio was at your party?
Capo: No, it’s because she found out that Keely’s been sleeping over at my place on Sunday nights. But it’s totally innocent, dude! We get in our pajamas, eat a fuck ton of pizza, and watch cheesy horror movies. That’s it. We’re entirely and TOTALLY just friends. She’s like my sister.
I tried to explain that to Carrie-Anne, but then she was like: So why did you keep it a secret, then?
And I was like: It WASN’T a secret. I just never thought about telling you about it because it was SO TOTALLY INNOCENT.
And she was like: You’re a liar who lies, and I hate you and your dirty dick.
But my dick is NOT dirty, Dean! My dick is clean and loyal and smells incredible, if I do say so myself.
My new ball deodorant line is going to fucking slap.
There’s a fragrance there, but it’s light.
Subtle, you know? Just enough to make a lady think—Wow, that junk smells delicious.
Not think—What is that guy trying to cover up with all that cologne?
Anyway, circling back to how weird YOU are—in addition to Carrie-Anne, who has proven she’s too weird and suspicious to be the woman of my dreams—what’s up with you?
WERE YOU PART OF THE DRUG LORD RING?!
Dean: No, you psycho! Of course not. I’m a single dad of two small children. When the fuck would I have time to be a drug lord?
Capo: I don’t know. You’re a hardworking guy. You strive for excellence in all things. I could see you pulling it off.
Dean: Thanks? I guess? But no, I had nothing to do with any of that. I just… It’s complicated. VERY. And stressful.
Capo: Sounds like you could use an ear to cry on, dude.
Dean: Isn’t that a shoulder?
Capo: Whatever. You know what I meant. If you need someone to talk to, I’m here. Texting the rest of the people on my list can wait.
Dean: I actually could use some advice…
But if I tell you, you have to swear to keep it between us, okay? Seriously. It’s a “take it to your grave” kind of thing.
Capo: Absolutely, brother. You can trust me. I like to talk, but I can keep a secret. I swear. Unburden yourself, king. I’m here for you.
Dean: Turns out Dex was the one who hit Clover’s car and put her in the hospital last fall. He’s the hit-and-run driver.
Capo: What! No way! That fucking piece of shit.
Dean: A complete piece of shit. And the NOPD helped cover it up because they were on his payroll.
But they didn’t do a very good job, so Clover smelled a rat and started her own investigation with a hacker friend of hers.
They eventually figured out it was Dex, then they figured out that he was bigger trouble than they’d ever imagined, and then they got caught nosing around in his computer system, and both of them were in deep shit with the drug ring.
Right up until last night, just a few minutes before the FBI started arresting people.
Capo: Holy shit! That is so badass. Your nanny is a legend.
Dean: It is NOT badass. She could have been killed! And she put my children in danger. She didn’t mean to, and she did everything she could to protect them once she knew how dangerous Dex was, but I’m not sure that matters.
Capo: Oh, come on. I think it matters. I think it matters a lot. I mean, it’s not like she wants to be a full-time amateur detective. She was just trying to get to the bottom of a shitty situation that impacted her personally. She’ll probably never get involved with anything this crazy again.
Dean: That’s what I’ve been telling myself the entire time she’s been in with the investigators today, getting debriefed or whatever, but…
I don’t know. I had to warn Elly that the girls might be being targeted by bad people before I dropped them off at her and Grammercy’s place last night for an overnight.
My three and four-year-olds. I’m having a hard time shaking that.
Capo: Well, not to be a dick, but you fired Clover already, didn’t you? Wasn’t that why you were on leave before? So, you could watch the kids yourself while you found a replacement?
Dean: I did fire her. But only because I wanted to date her.
Capo: Oh, shit! That’s messy, man. But understandable. She’s drop-dead fucking gorgeous, but still…messy.
Dean: I know, but I couldn’t help it. From the moment I met her, there was just this connection, you know? It feels like I’ve known her for years, and the girls adore her, and I’m so gone on her, I can’t think straight.
Capo: So, what’s the problem?
Dean: I can’t think straight! That’s the problem! I can’t trust myself to do what’s best for my kids because I’m in deep with an impulsive woman eleven years younger than I am, who almost got herself killed last night.
It was close, Capo. I can’t go into the details, but it was scary as fuck.
And I let myself get too close to the scary as fuck. I should never have been within ten feet of an FBI sting operation, let alone have had my boots on the ground. I have no idea what was going through my head.
Capo: Wow. Okay. This is a lot.
Dean: It is. But I can’t break up with her. Just thinking about it makes me physically fucking ill. Am I a shit father?
Capo: NO! No way. Come on, dude. That’s crazy talk. Put that out of your head right now. You’re a great dad. You and Grammercy are both total dad goals. If I ever have a kid, I want to be just like you guys.
Dean: Thanks, man. Really. That means a lot to me.
Capo: Of course, my guy. And you shouldn’t break up with Clover. Don’t even think about it. You should just…make her promise not to do anything like this ever again. Would that be enough? Or are you worried the fallout from this thing with Dex and Gio is going to be ongoing or something?
Dean: No, I don’t think so. As far as I know, all the people who knew Clover were involved are behind bars and are going to stay there for a long time. I think it’s probably fine.
Capo: Then, it sounds like you have your answer.
Dean: Do I? I’m the only parent the girls have left. I can’t afford to take any chances. I can’t afford to lose focus or get swept up in a bunch of feelings that I can’t control.
Capo: You can’t afford to be in love? Is that what you mean?
Dean: Maybe.
Capo: I get it. Love is scary. And half the time, it ends in a flaming dumpster fire.
Like with Keely. I don’t know if she’s ever going to get over what her ex did to her.
It’s been months since they divorced, and she still bursts out crying all the time because something reminds her of that rat bastard.
Who she still loves and hates and can’t stop thinking about, no matter how hard she tries.
Dean: I know. My marriage ended in a dumpster fire, and THEN my ex’s plane went down in flames, leaving me with two grieving kids who can NOT handle any more loss or pain right now.
If this thing with Clover doesn’t work out and she leaves a year or two down the road, right when they’ve started to think of her as their new mom, it will kill them.
Seriously, it might actually kill them. How can I even CONSIDER putting my babies in a position like that?
Capo: Oh, man. That’s tough, it really is, but…what’s the alternative? You push her away now, before they get attached?
Dean: They’re already attached. They already adore her, but at least they wouldn’t have the chance to get any more attached.
Capo: Hmm. Okay. Maybe, but is that the kind of example you want to set for your kids? That it’s better to push the people you love away before they can hurt you than stick it out and take a chance on deep and lasting happiness?
Dean: You have a point.
Capo: I know. I’m getting really good at life advice. Keely’s been giving me a crash course in “How to Give Your Shattered Friend Good Counsel.”
And no offense, Dean, but you’ve been through some shattering shit, too. It’s okay that you’re scared for yourself and your girls after everything you’ve been through.
But what’s that saying about courage? That it’s not about doing scary things without fear, but doing scary things despite the fear? Something like that?
Dean: That sounds about right. Thank you, Capo. I’m glad you texted.
Capo: Of course, brother. I’m happy to help. I hope everything works out with you and your beautiful, sweet Jessica Fletcher nanny. But if it doesn’t, my ear is here to lean on anytime.
Dean: Jessica Fletcher?
Capo: Murder, She Wrote.
Dean: What?
Capo: Don’t tell me you’ve never seen Murder, She Wrote? You know, Angela Lansbury as Jessica Fletcher, mystery novelist turned amateur sleuth? Ran for twelve seasons in the ‘80s and ‘90s? Some of the most classic Classic Television of all time?
Dean: That’s before even MY time, so I know it was before yours.
Capo: Yeah, but my Nonna had all the seasons on VHS. We watched them every weekend when my brothers and I stayed over at her place, so my parents could have more irresponsible sex and make MORE brothers. Loved that shit. The show, not my parents having more kids than they could handle.
Dean: Lol. Valid. I always wished I had a younger brother as well as an older one, but maybe one is enough.
Capo: One is plenty. Speaking of brothers, I have to go text them next. Three of them were at the party, and at least one of them was getting awfully cozy with Gio and wants to be a UFC fighter, so…
Dean: Go. Do damage control. I’ll touch base later, and thanks again. I appreciate the words of wisdom. And the perspective.
Capo: No worries, man. Go get the girl. True love is worth the risk.