Chapter 34 #2
Her hands pause around the box of crackers.
Then she places it in the pantry with unnecessary force.
“That’s funny.” She turns and the look she gives me is not angry.
It is worse than angry. It’s hurt. So stripped of humor that I have to lock my hands at my sides to keep from reaching for her. “You don’t get to do that,” she adds.
“I know.”
“No, Griffin, I really don’t think you do.
” Her voice wavers at the edge, but she holds it steady through sheer stubbornness.
“You don’t get to treat me like I’m some messy little mistake you’re trying to recover from, and then come home early because you heard I cried and suddenly decide I’m allowed to fall apart in front of you. ”
I don’t defend myself. There is nothing to defend.
“You’re right,” I reply.
Tiana’s mouth closes. My response seems to throw her more than an argument would have.
Maybe I need to stop giving her walls to throw herself against.
I push away from the counter, though I don’t step closer. Yet. “I made myself unavailable to you when you needed someone.”
Her eyes shine and she looks away immediately, but not fast enough.
“Sugar,” I say softly.
“Don’t.”
Tiana turns back to the grocery bag and pulls out a carton of strawberries, but her hand is shaking now. She tries to open the fridge, fumbles the carton, and when it slips against the edge of the shelf, she curses under her breath with such devastation that the sound tears through me.
“I had a plan,” she says. The words come out small, like she didn’t mean to let them escape.
She keeps her back to me, one hand gripping the fridge door, the other pressed to the carton of strawberries like it is the only thing keeping her upright.
“I had an actual plan,” Tiana continues. “A real one. Not a cute little daydream or some silly thing I talked about because I like coffee and old buildings.”
She swipes at her cheek fast, seeming angry with herself for the tears.
“I was so close,” she whispers. “That’s the part I can’t get over. If I had been nowhere near it, maybe it wouldn’t feel so humiliating now. But I was close enough to taste it.”
My jaw clenches.
The Aldercrest Group burns through my head with violent clarity. My instinct is to find out whether the contract has closed and buy the block if I have to.
The thought must show on my face because when Tiana turns, her eyes sharpen through the tears.
She shakes her head. “No, Hayes.”
“What?”
“You look like you’re about to make a phone call that could rearrange half of Seattle. I can’t handle being saved right now, okay? Especially not by you.”
“I wasn’t going to call anyone,” I lie.
Tiana’s eyes narrow.
I force myself to be honest. “Fine. I wanted to.”
The corner of her mouth curls up, but there is no humor in it. “At least you’re self-aware.”
“Tell me what you need.”
Tiana glares at me. The question seems to irritate her. “Nothing from you.”
“Okay.”
Her brows pull together. “Okay?”
When I don’t say anything else, she wipes at her cheek again, letting out a frustrated huff.
“I hate this. I hate that I’m this upset.
I hate that Mr. Patel was holding back tears when he told me because then I couldn’t even be mad at him properly.
I hate that I already imagined myself there.
I hate that I told people. I hate that now I have to act mature and understanding when I actually want to lie on the floor and scream into a throw pillow. ”
My chest aches. “Then do that.”
She blinks. “What?”
“Scream into a pillow.”
The offended look she gives me makes me almost laugh. “That was not a literal suggestion.”
“It can be.”
“I’m not screaming into a pillow in your kitchen.”
“There are better pillows in the living room.”
Her mouth trembles. Tiana looks down quickly, but I see the almost-smile.
“I hate you,” she murmurs.
I know she doesn’t mean it. But I know she also hates me right now.
Both can be true.
She presses her fingers beneath her eyes, breathing in slowly. “I didn’t want you to know.”
I keep my voice steady. “Why?”
Tiana exhales and looks toward the window above the sink, even though the sky outside has gone flat and gray.
“You’ve been so clear, Griffin. Maybe not with words—because God forbid—but with everything else.
The distance. The cold mornings. The way you look at me every time we cross a line, like I’m something you wish you hadn’t touched. ”
Pain moves across my chest, sharp enough to make me breathe through it.
“That is not how I look at you.”
Her eyes come back to mine and silence opens between us.
“Look, I’m not asking you to believe me,” I continue. “I know I don’t have the right. But I’m here, right now. If you want me to leave, I will. If you want to yell at me, I’ll stand here and listen. If you want to pretend I’m not in the room, I can probably manage that too.”
Tiana shakes her head, chin wobbling, but her eyes stay fierce. “I can’t do this, Griffin. I can’t survive this hot and cold version of you. So please, just leave me alone.” She lets out a shaky breath. “I have to pick up Sylas.”
“I can go for you.”
“No.” Her answer is immediate. “I need something to make me feel normal.”
I nod even though normal is the last thing I feel right now. “Okay.”
At the doorway, Tiana stops, her back to me.
I swallow, thinking she’s going to say something more, but she walks away before the words can find either of us.