Chapter 38 #2
I don’t know. I thought maybe it would make sense at some point.
@built2last
And it didn’t?
I chew on the inside of my cheek.
@tianawithlove
no, it got worse.
The plane hums around me while I stare at the message, fighting the urge to delete it even though it’s already sent. There’s a strange vulnerability in admitting that much, even without names or details.
@built2last
Did he hurt you?
The question is simple, but something about it knocks the air from my lungs.
Because Griffin didn’t hurt me in the obvious ways.
He didn’t yell. He didn’t lie to me about what we were.
He didn’t promise something and then rip it away.
If anything, that’s the problem. He never promised me anything, which means I have no right to feel like something was taken from me. But still, it aches.
@tianawithlove
not on purpose.
@built2last
That still counts.
My eyes burn, and I look toward the window—I refuse to cry on a plane.
@tianawithlove
he’s not a bad person.
@built2last
I didn’t say he was.
@tianawithlove
he’s actually a really good person. that’s what makes it harder.
There’s a longer pause this time.
@built2last
Good people can still hurt you.
My chest tightens.
@tianawithlove
I know.
@built2last
And you’re allowed to be hurt even if he didn’t mean to do it.
I read the message twice.
The stupid thing is, if Griffin had said those words to me, I probably would’ve fallen apart. I probably would’ve folded right into him, like all the hurt had been waiting for permission to soften. But Griffin didn’t say them, this stranger did.
@tianawithlove
you’re good at making me feel less crazy.
@built2last
Maybe you’re not crazy.
@tianawithlove
bold theory.
@built2last
I stand by it.
A flight attendant passes by, collecting empty cups, and I hand over mine with a polite smile. When she moves on, I sink back into my seat and stare down at my phone.
@tianawithlove
what if I’m tired of waiting for him to figure out if l’m worth choosing?
I don’t know why I send it, but it’s the truest thing I’ve typed all day.
@built2last
then stop waiting.
If he wants you, let him catch up. But don’t stand still just because he’s scared.
I sit with that for a while. Long enough that the screen dims in my hands.
@tianawithlove
you make that sound easy.
@built2last
It’s not easy, but you deserve someone who chooses you without making you beg for it.
My throat tightens so suddenly I have to look away.
God. That should not make me emotional.
I barely know this man. For all I know, he could be fifty-seven with a weird podcast and a collection of swords. But right now, as I’m sitting on this flight and my life feels like it’s splitting into two very complicated halves, he gives me exactly what I need.
@tianawithlove
thank you.
@built2last
Anytime, Trouble.
I stare at the nickname. Then I tuck my phone against my chest for a second like a total cliché.
By the time we start our descent into LA, I’m not exactly calm, but I’ve stopped mentally drafting my obituary, so I decide to call that personal growth.
The city appears beneath the clouds in a sprawl of sun-bleached buildings, highways, palm trees, and glittering strips of water in the distance. I film a few seconds through the window for my story.
When we land, my phone starts buzzing before I even make it off the plane. Renee has sent four texts.
Renee Manager Extraordinaire
Car is waiting outside baggage claim.
Call sheet is in your email.
I’ll see you tomorrow!
Proud of you, btw.
I smile down at the screen, gratefulness blooming in my chest.
Then another message comes in.
Grumps
Let me know when you land.
I stop walking for half a second, nearly getting taken out by a woman with a roller bag.
I want to tell him the flight was awful. That I almost cried over a stranger’s kindness. I want to tell him I hate how much I miss the version of him that pulled me into his chest at Willow’s and told me he had me.
Instead, I lock my phone and keep walking.
I collect my luggage, find the driver holding a sign with my name on it, and slide into the back seat of a sleek black SUV. LA heat presses against the windows while palm trees blur past, and I try very hard to feel glamorous instead of nauseous and emotionally hungover.
My phone buzzes again halfway to the hotel.
@built2last
Did you survive?
I smile.
@tianawithlove
against all odds, yes.
@built2last
Good.
@tianawithlove
that’s it?
@built2last
I’m currently organizing a parade.
@tianawithlove
I expect dancers.
@built2last
Obviously.
@tianawithlove
and snacks.
@built2last
What kind?
@tianawithlove
fries. maybe a milkshake and lots of unhealthy sweets.
@built2last
After surviving a flight, you’ve earned it.
@tianawithlove
finally someone with sense.
The driver pulls up to the hotel a few minutes later, and I just sit there staring at the entrance. It’s beautiful in that glossy LA way, with valet attendants, giant planters, and windows so clean they look fake.
I should be excited that I’m going to do my first commercial.
Beneath the exhaustion, anxiety, and heartbreak, there is a version of me doing cartwheels in my head. She’s just currently buried under a pile of feelings wearing noise-canceling headphones.
I check in, ride the elevator up to my room, and immediately drop my suitcase beside the bed the second I walk inside. The room is all white bedding, warm wood, and floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking the city. It’s gorgeous, objectively, but the silence hits me first.
I receive another text message.
Grumps
Tiana?
I stare at his name, then type the safest thing I can manage.
Landed.
Grumps
Hope the shoot goes well.
I laugh, but it sounds awful. I toss the phone onto the bed and press the heels of my hands against my eyes.
I wanted space.
He’s giving me space.
So why does it still hurt?
Minutes later, I kick off my shoes, change into soft shorts and an oversized shirt, and order room service fries, because @built2last said I earned them and I’ve decided to respect his authority on this matter.
By the time the fries arrive, the sun has started dipping lower over the city, turning the room golden. I sit cross-legged on the bed with a plate balanced on my lap, the call sheet open beside me, and my phone resting close.
@built2last
Hotel okay?
@tianawithlove
yes, but too quiet.
@built2last
Want company?
@tianawithlove
are you offering to be my emotional support stranger?
@built2last
I’ve been promoted?
@tianawithlove
temporarily.
@built2last
I accept.
I lean back against the pillows and let out a breath.
@tianawithlove
okay, emotional support stranger. distract me.
@built2last
From the flight, the work trip, losing the café, or the guy back home?
My chest goes tight again. Among our various chats, I’d also told him about the café I’d wanted to buy, and how that dream was crushed.
@tianawithlove
dealer’s choice.
@built2last
Tell me about this week.
I look down at the call sheet beside me.
Right. The commercial. The reason I’m here.
I pick up the paper and scan the details again.
@tianawithlove
early call time. wardrobe at six. hair and makeup after that. they’re shooting lifestyle movement shots first, then product close-ups, then some café/street stuff in the afternoon. most days will be like that.
oh and there’s an afterparty at a club on the last night.
@built2last
Sounds like a big deal.
@tianawithlove
it is.
@built2last
Are you nervous?
I chew my bottom lip.
@tianawithlove
I am.
@built2last
Why?
I glance toward the window, watching the city lights blink on one by one.
@tianawithlove
I want to prove that I can actually build something for myself and not just be someone people underestimate until it’s convenient to take me seriously.
@built2last
Then this week you show up and do exactly that.
I let out a shaky breath.
@tianawithlove
what if I mess it up?
@built2last
You won’t.
@tianawithlove
You don’t know that.
@built2last
I know enough about you to be sure.
My chest warms.
@tianawithlove
you’re weirdly confident in me.
@built2last
Someone should be.
Suddenly I’m close to crying again, and honestly, twice in one travel day feels excessive.
@tianawithlove
you’re starting to sound sweet.
@built2last
Don’t tell anyone.
@tianawithlove
your secret is safe with me.
For a few minutes, we talk about nothing and everything. His fake parade. My fries. Whether hotel pillows are too fluffy or not fluffy enough. The likelihood of me tripping in front of an entire camera crew tomorrow, which he insists is low and I insist is statistically possible.
By the time my food is gone, my nerves have settled.
I set the empty plate on the nightstand and sink deeper into the pillows, phone balanced against my chest.
@built2last
You should sleep.
@tianawithlove
bossy.
@built2last
Big day tomorrow, Trouble.
My eyelids feel heavy, but I don’t want to put the phone down yet.
@tianawithlove
will you be around?
The second I send it, my stomach dips. I don’t want to sound too needy. But his reply comes before I can spiral.
@built2last
If you want me to be.
I close my eyes for a second.
@tianawithlove
I do.
@built2last
Then I’ll be around.
That makes the ache in my chest loosen. I don’t know why a promise from a faceless stranger feels easier to trust than anything waiting for me back home.
I place my phone on the nightstand, turn off the lamp, and lie there in the dark listening to the distant hum of LA traffic.
For once, Griffin isn’t the last person I think about before falling asleep.
But he’s close.
Too close.