Chapter 9
NINE
Playing: “In My Room” by Julia Wolf
After everything that happened the night before, my body is tense and my mind is confused.
The day should feel tainted by the amount of chaos that ensued, but it doesn’t.
Despite everything, despite the arguing with Axl and him beating Will up, and the cops busting the race for the first time in decades, I’m not mortified—though I should be.
Anxious that someone will think I snitched about the location.
Nervous that the cops will arrest Axl for assault.
But I’m not. I feel alive. For the first time in my life, my skin feels a rush, a change of pace from the usual rigid nature of Greenwood.
Yesterday might have been the best day of my life.
I can’t stop thinking about it now as I sit at our dining room table, my fork pushing around the fruit my mother has forced onto my plate.
The morning sun flashes through the window, illuminating the white room with a glorious glow.
But I know I’m not feeling rejuvenated from the fancy furnished room.
I’m feeling it from the leftover adrenaline still pumping in my veins, the kind that no sort of sleep could have pushed out.
“Did you have a good night with Brent?” my mother asks from across the table, her fork punctured through a tasteless piece of honeydew.
“Yeah,” I say on autopilot, clutching the silver tighter in my fist. “It was nice.”
“Have you thought about what I said? About him popping the question?”
I grit my teeth, willing the conversation to go away, but she looks at me insistently. “No, I haven’t.”
My father looks between us, the newspaper in his hands still as he observes.
If his pepper scent wasn’t prominent in the air, I wouldn’t even know he was here at all.
He’s not the most forthcoming, and he cares more about his business than being a parent, but he’s nice.
He doesn’t care what I do with my life as much as my mother does, which is evident by the way he has nothing to say whenever my mother wants him to scold me for something stupid.
“He’s a good guy. A beta like you should consider it. I think you’d have a good life together. And if you had children, you’d have more chances of having little alphas and omegas.”
I accidentally let a groan escape. “I don’t care about that.”
My mother scoffs. “You should. We all want it for our children, to have the best placement in life. I don’t know how you didn’t turn out an omega like your aunts. Or an alpha like your father.”
“I think you may be projecting there, Mom,” I say with a sneer. “Considering you’re a beta.”
She puts a hand to her chest. “And that’s my point, Stacey. I know how hard it is as a beta, especially in our social circles. You shouldn’t want that for your children.”
“Victoria, please,” my father says, finally cutting into the conversation. “We’re trying to have a nice morning as a family, must we push?”
Her mouth gapes open in surprise before she shuts it and raises her chin. “I’m trying to raise our daughter, Alfred. The least you can do is support me.”
My father gives my mother a look of disdain, his lips curling back in disgust. Wow, they really don’t like each other.
I wonder why they ever got married, if they were ever in love.
Is this really what letting society win looks like?
Staying with someone you hate all because people might talk about you if you divorce?
I can’t stand that. I won’t. Not for my life, and not for the unfortunate person I might marry if I stay on this path.
An image flashes in my mind: lips curved up in a taunting smile, fingers curled around wooden sticks as dark brown eyes trail over me, dousing me in wildfire.
I can’t keep pretending this is what I want when the truth has been sitting right in front of me this whole time. I want adventure, and passion, and steel-toed boots on a dark-haired devil on my shoulder.
Axl has always been right there in front of me, and I chose to ignore him time and time again.
“I have to go,” I say suddenly, rising from my seat.
“Really?” My mother blinks at me. “But we just sat down.”
“There’s somewhere I have to go.” I shovel a few more pieces of fruit into my mouth, not bothering to swallow before I speak again. “Bye.”
“Manners, young lady!” I hear as I round the corner and grab my coat beside the door. When I step out, the blistering cold settles over my skin, goosebumps erupting. I practically run to the car with one destination in mind.
When I knock on the door, my heart is thumping out of my chest. My blood pressure is rising, and it continues to spike until the moment the door opens, a wild head of red streaks appearing behind it.
“Oh, Barbie,” Ledger says, rubbing his eyes like he got pulled from a nap. The smell of weed sticks to him along with his acrylic paint scent. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”
My immediate reaction is to roll my eyes, combat his sarcasm with my own, but I swallow harshly instead. “Is Axl here?”
His brows rise, his smile turning soft. “Wow. Last night really was the start of a new chapter, huh?”
“Don’t be flippant,” I bite at him, my voice curt but wobbly. “I just… wanted to see him.”
I’m waiting for another ribbing remark, but there’s a softness in his eyes I don’t expect. “He’s not here. He went to eat with his dad.”
“Oh.” My eyes drop to the floor, and I get a whiff of Axl’s stormy scent coming through the doorway. I steel myself, trying desperately not to lean forward to get more of that delicious aroma.
“We…” He trails off and crosses his arms before leaning against the doorway. “We have a gig tonight. If you’d like to go.”
My gaze flashes up to his, but I try to school the excitement shining in them. “Okay.”
“Okay,” he echoes, his brows scrunching in. “Are you saying you want to go?”
I purse my lips. “Maybe.”
Ledger laughs, a boisterous sound that echoes in the empty hallway. “Whatever you say, Stace. Give me your phone, I’ll send you the address.”
Reluctantly, I hand him my phone and wait as he types. His eyes squint, and he lets out a frustrated sigh. “These buttons are so hard to press.”
“Hey,” I warn him, but then he hands me my phone back. A new message comes through a second later, and I look up to see him with his own phone in his hand. “You put your number in my contact list.”
“Sure did,” he says, popping his phone shut and putting it in his pocket. “Any friend of Axl’s is a friend of mine, so you better get used to it. I just thought we’d skip the usual run around.”
“Axl and I are not—”
“Right, I know. Not friends, more than friends, I don’t care. Just don’t break my best friend’s heart, okay? He’s been pining long enough.”
I wish I could try to convince him that he’s just confused, but he’s not. The teasing gleam in his eyes shows that he knows everything. He probably has for a long while. Probably longer than I’ve even known myself. “I’ll see you later then.”
“Bye, Barbie.” He shuts the door, abruptly shutting me off from the electric scent lingering inside the apartment. I sigh, losing that scent, my single dose of sanity, as I travel back to my car.
Tonight feels big, in more than one way. I pull my phone out and dial the number of the next person I need to speak to, ready to end things once and for all.
Brent and I aren’t good together. We never have been.
We’re both too dominant, too at odds with the things we want.
Even if my mother wasn’t pressuring me to tie the knot, there’s a ton of other red flags that I’ve been ignoring simply because I couldn’t bear to admit that I wanted something else for my life. Something not as contrived.
I may not be ready to take the next step with Axl, but I know what I did last night means Brent and I aren’t in the direction of marriage. Considering my mom is pushing for that so badly, it’s better to cut things off now. We both deserve more, better, just not from each other.
The phone rings only a few times before I’m sent to his voicemail. I furrow my brow, curious as to why he declined my call only to see a text as soon as I go to redial.
Brent:
Sorry, lovely. Can’t see you tonight. Have to cancel x
I sigh, but I’m not really surprised. Brent has canceled a lot of our dates recently, but I’m disappointed that I can’t meet up with him to end things.
I can’t break up with him over text. It feels wrong and dirty after the offenses I’ve already committed, so I’ll have to wait until tomorrow. I don’t plan to sit in my room and fret over the situation, which complicates things. Nope, I have something much better in mind.
The cold, brisk air feels dangerous in this parking lot. I walk my way across, trying not to jump at everything that comes out of the darkness. The streetlamp flickers up above, obstructing the view as I walk to the front door of the bar.
At least I’m wearing sensible shoes in case I need to run back to my car.
When I enter, the atmosphere is electric.
Laughing and smiling patrons fill the space, the scents of everyone mingling together along with the slight staleness of spilled liquor.
I hear the thrumming bass from the music, feel it echo throughout my body as I linger closer to its source.
The stage is tiny and stuffed in the corner, but it’s a sight to behold.
Axl’s band is already performing, and my heart beats wildly in my chest.