Chapter 17 #2
“Take your time, girl,” Leslie insisted.
“I took a year and some change off, I’m ready,” Nastasia said. “I want to go out on dates and have someone to do things with, you know? Little by little, I’m ready to move on and find someone.”
Leslie held up her finger. “I feel like going through a bad relationship can really help you learn what you want and what you won’t stand for unfortunately.”
“Definitely,” Nastasia replied. “You can be caring, nasty in bed, and understanding and they’ll still cheat, and I think that took me a while to get. I know my worth now and when to walk away.”
“Good sex is not going to keep a man. Trust me, I’ve been there,” Leslie said.
I scratched at my jaw. “It’s never on you, though. So, don’t blame yourself. A woman can be damn near perfect, but sometimes that urge hits you and you gotta strike.”
Nastasia turned and faced me. Her eyes were empty and her lips slightly parted. “So you don’t believe in being faithful?”
These were my people, and this was an open discussion.
No room for judgment. So, I sat up to offer my take.
“See, for men it’s different. It don’t matter how good your sex is, because there’s always the prospect of something new.
That need to know how good that woman walking into the room is.
It doesn’t matter what you have in-house and how good it is, because can’t nothing beat that new. ”
Nastasia’s lips twisted into an ugly scowl. “But when we stray y’all cry.”
“Because no man wants another king in his castle. Some of y’all got that perfect trifecta, and to have someone else experience it? Nah.”
She was disgusted. “Your male logic on cheating is bullshit.”
I snorted, easing back down. “That’s why I’m single. I’m not stringin’ no one along and I’m not hurtin’ anyone. Most men ain’t shit, but some of y’all be settin’ yourselves up.”
Nastasia rolled her eyes. “Sure.”
“Nah, if I’m up-front and honest, and I tell you directly I just wanna fuck, why am I the bad guy when you catch feelings?”
She shrugged. “Don’t have good dick.”
I laughed. “Of course, that’s ya logic.”
Nastasia loosened up. “No, sometimes we do make up fantasies or read too much into things. But some of y’all know exactly what you be doin’ with how you be moving.”
I reached out to touch her and she moved away. She busied herself with setting her glass down on the coaster on the coffee table.
“Times have changed,” Leslie said, gaining our attention. “You don’t have to find the one in your twenties. Be selfish and explore. I respect men like Ezekiel for being blunt about it. It’s time women do the same and look out for themselves.”
Nastasia peered back at me. I didn’t like the way her energy had changed, the shift between us.
I reached out and grabbed her hand, going and guiding her down to me. She didn’t fight me, and as soon as we were close, I was in her ear. “I’m with Cease.”
“And what’s that mean?” she wanted to know.
“I like that he’s happy with Les. I respect that. When I meet someone and it’s my time to lock it in, I’m stickin’ to it. I feel like when I’m ready and I know, I’ll know. Until then, don’t judge me.”
Nastasia looked at me for the longest. “I’m not.”
“Liar.”
She seemed upset, and I didn’t like that I couldn’t fix it. That I was probably the cause.
Nastasia got out from my grasp and yawned. “I should get going. Thanks for the food, I mean it, it was amazing. We gotta do this again.”
Leslie got up and hugged up on Nastasia. “All right, it was so good to meet you, Nas.” Leslie came to me next for a round of hugging. “And it’s always good to see you, Ezekiel.”
I tipped my head at Cesar, knowing we’d link in the morning at the gym for a workout.
Nas was quiet on the way out of the house and the whole ride back to hers. When we made it in, I got out and walked her to the door.
“I’m sorry if things got a little heated back there. It wasn’t my intention to put you in a bad mood,” I said.
Nastasia lifted and dropped her shoulders. “You don’t really have to explain yourself to me.”
I didn’t. Never felt the need to with anyone before, but with her it was different. “I don’t know why I want to.”
“Sounds like you’re ashamed.”
“I didn’t take pleasure in hurting my exes. I’m not proud of my past behavior. I don’t feel that way about cheating anymore, I just wanted to explain past thoughts on it.”
“Good.” She was smiling a little at that, loosening up.
“So, about this whole ‘situationship’ Leslie brought up back there. Are you embarrassed?”
Nastasia sighed, looking up at the full moon above us. “No, it’s just kinda rough to explain. If I say we’re friends, it feels defining, but if I say we’re dating, it’s overstepping and reaching and—”
I stepped forward and touched her face. She was incredibly cute when frustrated. “I didn’t have the words either. I’m not sure what to call it, but we’re here and that’s all I need.”
Somehow, my words were finally said just right as she visibly relaxed. “Same.”
Nastasia peeked back at her house before turning to me. “Come to the fair with me?” she asked. “You can relax and be young and carefree for the day. Not so Mr. Serious.”
I would have to manage my time so that I didn’t miss work, but I couldn’t say no. Didn’t want to.
So I didn’t. “I got you.”