Chapter 24
Ethan
My knee holds through every crossover and transition.
Coach Mercer runs us through drill after drill, and I keep up with the others, my body remembering what my mind has been doubting for months.
I’m elated except for the distraction of one person. Natalie is standing at the edge of the rink with the rest of the medical staff.
She's in her Renegades polo, with her hair pulled back in that ponytail I used to love tugging on. She's talking to Ivory and Lane, smiling at them. That smile used to be for me. Now, she won't even look in my direction.
Good. That's what I wanted. So why does it feel like my chest is being crushed every time I catch a glimpse of her?
“Ward! Head out of your ass.” Coach Mercer's voice cuts across the ice. “You're supposed to be covering the slot, not daydreaming about whatever bullshit is distracting you. Get your shit together or get off my ice.”
“Yes, Coach.” I force myself to focus. Hockey. That's all that matters right now.
We finish practice with a scrimmage and I manage to keep my head in the game long enough to make a few solid plays. By the time Coach blows the final whistle, my legs are burning, and my knee is throbbing, but it's a good kind of pain.
“Not bad, boys.” Coach Mercer skates to center ice. “You look like a bunch of overfed house cats who forgot how to hunt, but we've got three weeks to whip you into shape. Don't make me regret keeping any of you. Now get out of here and rest up. Same time tomorrow.”
The locker room is loud with post-practice energy. Guys strip off their gear and rehash plays from the scrimmage, already talking trash about who looked sharp and who looked like shit.
“We're getting that cup again,” Cole announces from his stall. “No question.”
“Damn right we are,” Nova agrees. “Back-to-back, baby. Dynasty in the making.”
“Don't jinx it,” Logan mutters from his corner. “Season hasn't even started.”
“Ignore him,” Jake says. “He's been doom and gloom since he got back from Maine. Too much time alone with his thoughts.”
I sit at my stall and unlace my skates without joining the conversation. The adrenaline from practice is fading, and the hollow ache in my chest is returning. I hate this. I hate that she's here, that I have to see her every day, and I can't escape the reminder of what I threw away.
Not threw away. What she ruined. She's the one who lied. She's the one who broke my trust.
“Yo, did anyone else notice the new PT?” Alex says from across the room. He's sprawled on the bench, a towel draped over his shoulders. “Stacked as fuck. Ivory was pretty, but this one...” He stands up and grabs his crotch with a lewd gesture. “I'd bend her over that treatment table and—”
Pure rage propels me off the bench and across the locker room.
My fist connects with his jaw, and he goes down hard, his head cracking against the bench behind him. I'm on top of him, pulling back for another swing, when multiple hands grab my shoulders and haul me off.
“What the fuck!” Alex scrambles backward, his hand pressed to his face. “I was just joking, man. Jesus Christ.”
Cole and Theo have me by the arms, holding me back while I strain against their grip. My blood is pounding in my ears, and my vision is tinged with red, and all I can think about is smashing his face into the concrete floor for talking about Natalie like that.
“Calm down,” Cole says in my ear. “Calm the fuck down, Ward.”
“Let me go.”
“Not until you stop trying to kill our teammate.”
I take a ragged breath and force my muscles to relax. Cole and Theo hold on for another few seconds before slowly releasing me. I shake them off and stalk back to my stall, grabbing my towel and wiping the sweat from my face.
The locker room is dead silent.
“What the hell was that about?” Alex demands, still rubbing his jaw. “I didn't even say anything that bad.”
“Shut up, Alex,” Jake says. “Just shut up.”
“But I—”
“I said shut up.”
I stare at my locker without really seeing it. My hand is throbbing where my knuckles connected with Alex’s face and I'm already regretting the outburst. Stupid. Fucking stupid. Now everyone knows there's something going on with Natalie and me.
“So that's what's been eating you,” Jake says.
Theo sits down next to me. “He fucked up. Let him be. We've all been there.”
“Speak for yourself,” Nova chimes in from his stall. “I've never fucked up with a woman in my life. But hey, Wall, if you need tips on how to grovel, I'm your guy.”
I turn my head and glare at him with enough venom to strip paint.
He holds up his hands. “Or not. Just offering.”
“Leave him alone,” Theo says. “Everybody get dressed and get out.”
The conversation slowly shifts to other topics. Exhibition games. Roster predictions. Who got fat over the summer, and who came back in the best shape. I tune it all out and focus on getting dressed, my movements mechanical and my mind a thousand miles away.
When I'm finally ready, Theo catches my eye and jerks his head toward the door. I grabbed a ride with him this morning since my car is in the shop, and I'm not looking forward to the conversation I know is coming.
We make it to the parking garage before he speaks.
“So what really happened with you and Natalie?”
“Nothing.”
“Bullshit.” He unlocks his SUV, and we climb in. “I've never seen you that happy, man. Not even when we won the Cup. And now you're punching guys in the face for making stupid comments. Something happened.”
I stare out the window as he pulls out of the garage. “She lied to me.”
“About what?”
“Her ex showed up. She got in his car and drove off with him. And when I called her, she told me she was with Avery.” My jaw tightens at the memory.
Theo is quiet for a moment. “That's it? That's the big betrayal?”
“What do you mean, that's it? She lied to me.”
“People lie by omission all the time. Olivia doesn't tell me everything that happens during her day. Doesn't mean she's betraying me.”
“This is different, and you know it. She didn't tell me about her ex.”
He glances at me as he merges onto the highway. “No, it’s not. You’ve built it up in your mind to be bigger than it is.”
“She lied.”
“Yeah, you said that already. But why did she lie? Did you ever ask her that?”
“She said she was trying to protect me and that she didn't want to ruin my day after my first time back on the ice.” I scoff. “Bullshit excuse.”
Theo keeps his eyes on the road. “You'd just skated for the first time in months. Maybe she genuinely didn't want to dump her ex-boyfriend drama on you in that moment.”
“So lying is okay as long as the reason is good enough?”
“I'm not saying it's okay. I'm saying people make mistakes. And from what you've told me, it sounds like she made one bad call.” He pauses. “Don't lose someone special because you're judging her based on shit other people did to you. That's not fair to her.”
I glare at him. “You don't know what other people did to me.”
“No, I don't. But I know you've got walls up that make the Great Wall of China look like a garden fence. And I know Natalie somehow got past them.” He pulls off the highway toward my building.
“Olivia says she's solid. And when my wife says someone is solid, they are.
She's got a radar for bullshit that's never wrong.”
We ride the rest of the way in silence. When we pull up to my building, Theo puts the car in park and turns to face me.
“Exhibition game is in two weeks,” he says, letting the subject drop. “Coach wants you on the roster if your knee keeps progressing.”
“It will.”
“Good. We need you out there.” He claps me on the shoulder. “Think about what I said, yeah? Don't be a stubborn asshole just because it's easier than admitting you might be wrong.”
“Thanks for the ride.”
“Anytime.”
I climb out of the SUV and head into the building. All I want is to collapse on my couch and not think about anything for the next twelve hours. I'm pulling my keys from my pocket when the other elevator dings.
The doors slide open, and Natalie steps out, arms full of grocery bags. She stops dead when she sees me.
We stand there in the hallway, five feet apart, neither of us speaking. Her eyes are red-rimmed like she's been crying, and there are dark circles underneath them that weren't there a week ago. She looks exhausted.
I did that. I made her look like that.
The realization twists in my gut, but I shove it down. She brought this on herself.
“Ethan.” Her voice is low like she’s not sure she wants to speak.
I give her a curt nod and turn away, jamming my key into the lock. I'm through the door before she can say anything else, shutting it firmly behind me.
My phone rings almost immediately. I pull it out and see Mom on the screen. Perfect timing. “Hey, Mom.”
“Ethan, your father has been pacing all afternoon, waiting to hear how training went. How was it? How's the knee? Tell me everything.”
“It was great. Knee held up perfectly. The guys are pumped for the season.”
“That's wonderful, sweetheart.” A pause. “You don't sound pumped. What's wrong? Is everything okay with Natalie?”
My hand tightens on the phone. “That's over.”
“What do you mean, it's over?”
“I mean, it's over. We're done, and I don't want to talk about it.”
“Oh, Ethan,” she says in a voice heavy with disappointment. “She's such a wonderful girl. What happened? Did you do something stupid?”
“Mom.”
“I'm serious. That woman flew across the country to be with you when your father was in the hospital. She fit right into this family like she'd always been here. If you let someone like that slip through your fingers because of your stubbornness—”
“I said I don't want to talk about it,” I repeated through clenched teeth.
She sighs. “Fine. But think about what you're throwing away. Girls like Natalie don't come along every day.”
“I have to go, Mom. I'll call you later.”
I end the call and toss the phone onto the couch. The apartment is quiet, empty, and lonely. I sink onto the cushions and press the heels of my hands against my eyes.
Theo's words echo in my head. Don't lose someone special because you're judging her based on shit other people did to you.
Is that what I did? Had I been waiting for Natalie to make one mistake so I could push her away before she could hurt me worse?
I think about her character. Her warmth and patience during my darkest moments. The way she believed in me when I couldn't believe in myself. She flew to Wisconsin without hesitation because she didn't want me to be alone.
But why did she tell one stupid lie? Was Theo right? Did I blow this out of proportion?
I don't know anymore. But even as the doubt creeps in, my pride refuses to let go. The questions haunt me long into the night, and sleep, when it finally comes, is restless.