Chapter 10 LIES, DECEIVING INFORMATION AND BETRAYAL #2
I’m glad I at least filled up that department.
“Really? I never noticed…” He looks at me, frowning, and I avert my eyes. “If I had-”
“You would have joined her.” I say as a matter of fact.
“I wouldn’t.” I glance at him, and he’s very earnest, trying to make me understand that he would never bully me like Amanda. Then he smiles to ease the mood. “Besides, I’d like to think you and I have a special relationship. Full of friendship and love…”
I scoff at how ridiculous he’s being, and he eyes me, amused.
“I’m glad she’s not like that anymore. Amanda.”
Yeah right. If only he knew…
She’s the kind of girl who’s mean to other girls but an angel in front of the boys. When she realized that being mean would push boys away, especially Jake, she started to use this system.
Silence surrounds us, and for a while, it’s like for the first time ever, we’re coexisting peacefully. Until.
“Wanna sing a song with me?” He says, breaking me from my thoughts.
“Why would I do that?” I ask, confused.
“Out of the goodness of your heart?” He tries, and I level him with a cynical stare. “Yeah, alright, I already know it’s frozen, that was a poor choice of words.” He smirks, and I roll my eyes. “But it could be fun. You do know what that means, right? F-U-N, fun?”
“Yes, West, I do know how to spell…”
I throw a book at him, and his laughter fills my ears.
The thing about Jake West’s laughter is that it’s never contained and never halfway. It’s always full and loud, and somehow makes you feel instantly better.
Who said that?
“I just can’t.” I ponder talking further about this. There’s no one else to talk about this to right now… “I freeze. I always think I’m going to hit a wrong note and then remember that moment for the rest of my life. There, I told you.”
“That’s a little bit drastic…”
My heart thunders inside my chest.
“Of course, forget it, you wouldn’t understand.” I move past him, angry that I even thought about telling him anything whatsoever.
“Wait, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it as something bad, I’m just- Trying to make you see that things aren’t always as complicated as your head makes it seem.”
I glance at him, worried he’s being nice to me.
“I have an idea.”
“Must be great, coming from you.” I can’t help but mutter, and he narrows his eyes at me.
“I’m trying to be nice here; you have to at least try to do the same thing.”
I puff and come closer as he grabs my headphones.
“I’m going to leave the library, and you’re gonna put a song you love to sing at full volume.” He passes me the headphones. “And I’m gonna come back when I feel like it, and you’re forbidden to turn around.”
I look unsure at him. And then I look pointedly at him.
“Wait, this isn’t some evil plan of yours to pull a prank on me, is it?”
He eyes me with an offended expression. Then he breaks and turns serious.
“Fine, no. I promise not to pull a prank on you.” He breaks and raises his eyebrows, waiting for an answer.
“And why would I trust you?”
“Why wouldn’t you? Look at this face.” He motions towards it. “Dependable, handsome, out of this world, hypnotising…”
“Fake. And why wouldn’t I? Do I have to remind you of the time when you made my guinea pig be hit by a car?
Or when you woke me up with a hose, and I couldn’t breathe for more than five seconds?
Or the time in which you stole all my favorite DVDs and saw me cry and still didn’t return them because you were finding it funny? ”
“Okay, okay! Jesus, a guy does one thing and all of a sudden, he’s untrustworthy… Besides, the guinea pig was an accident.” He shakes his head to reorganize his thoughts. “Look, you have to trust me.”
I stare at him, arms crossed, and he sighs.
“If you do this, then… I won’t tell anyone about your dorky never list…” He dangles it in front of my face, and I’m mortified now.
I already don’t have friends, if anyone knew I made such a thing…
“You wouldn’t…” I whisper, and he laughs, an evil laugh.
“Oh, like you didn’t tell everyone at camp that I still wore my Lightning McQueen underwear when we were thirteen?” He takes a step closer and narrows his eyes at me. “Oh, I think I would…”
“Fine.” I take the headphones from his malicious hands, and he smiles while getting out of the library.
This argument didn’t even make sense! Why was he blackmailing me in return for something for my own good? Whatever…
I restart I Won’t Say I’m In Love, and I feel my voice shaky, even with my headphones blasting the song, so I can’t hear anything else. It takes after the chorus for me to pick up some kind of rhythm. Then I close my eyes and pretend I’m singing in the shower.
Throughout my body, I feel my voice blend in with the song, and I start to smile.
He’s not coming back… Even if he is, I don’t want to think about that right now.
I continue, ignoring my deepest darkest thoughts about how he could be whipping out his phone to record me against my knowledge.
I finish the song and immediately turn around and- He’s not holding his phone… He’s smiling. Widely. Genuinely. Heartbreakingly so.
I remove the headphones and cross my arms.
“That was a horrible suggestion…”
He laughs that hypnotizing laugh of his, and I force myself to stop looking at him.
“I wasn’t expecting you to admit I’m right… But in my opinion, you nailed it.” He speaks truthfully, and I trip over a chair while hurrying to get back to the books.
“Thanks…” I spit out as if the words are gonna bite me.
“Even though you were a little shaky there at the end.”
“Of course...” I throw him a book, which he catches easily.
I take a deep breath and shake my head.
“I can do this…” I whisper to myself.
“Am I that insufferable?” He teases, and I hold back the tears ready to come out.
“Yes. I don’t even know how anyone can stand you for more than five minutes.” I briskly say, and he flinches a bit.
I’m very insecure about my singing. It’s one of the only things I’m good at, and if I expose it to someone and they tell me otherwise… It’s one less thing about me I have faith in.
We spent the rest of the evening pretty silent with each other. He wouldn’t look at me, nor I at him. When our shift is finally over, I move to get out of the library quickly. I don’t look back for him, and the whole way home, I feel myself going into my shell.
We dine, Allison tries to figure out what happened, I feel like I’m overreacting, and then we eventually go to bed early. I mean, she goes to bed early. I “sneak out” to stargaze.
Since I was a kid, stargazing has been my favorite activity. I would wait until the light in my parents’ bedroom turned off and sneak to the garden and stargaze until I fell asleep. The stars are always there, and when I look at them, I remember how small our problems really are.
My phone buzzes beside me on the grass.
Urgh, it’s West.
Evil Spawn
Evil Spawn: *video*
Evil Spawn: one thing checked out of the never list right?
I get up, shocked. Of fucking course he recorded me…
Me: YOU RECORDED ME?!
Me: This is why I don’t trust you
Wait. The never list?
Me: How do you remember it’s part of the never list??
Evil Spawn: that’s not the point…
Evil Spawn: the point is, I’ve found my new favorite lullaby to fall asleep to ;)
Me: Is this your way of making up for the fact that you recorded me and almost made me cry this afternoon?
Evil Spawn: Maybe…
Me: That’s not an apology
Evil Spawn: the day we start apologizing to each other, is the day we’ve absolutely lost our shit
Evil Spawn: besides, you should feel honored to have me by your side, helping you check the never list off
Me: Honored?? More like nauseous
Evil Spawn: I feel so much joy inside me knowing only I can cause that reaction in you
Me: Whatever helps you sleep at night whacko
Evil Spawn: believe me, you do ;)
Me: Disgusting. Bye West.
Evil Spawn: Dream of me, will you?
I roll my eyes at my phone. As if.