Chapter 17 Crazy Jared Kind Of Has a Point
Crazy Jared Kind Of Has a Point
Someone’s touching my face. I open my eyes to clarity and birds chirping, and- Is this a foot?!
“West!” I yell without even looking and push his foot away.
I stand up, and West bursts out laughing.
“Oh, I’m gonna vomit.” I place a hand in front of my mouth and feel a reflux in the bottom of my stomach.
I breathe in through my nose a few times and then slowly get off the grass. “You’re disgusting.”
“Shut up, will you? I’m helping you.” I frown at him, and he rolls his eyes. “With your stupid list, remember? That was the deal. You dated me, and I helped you get a life.”
I throw my flip-flop at him, and he dodges it effortlessly like he gets thrown flip-flops on a daily basis.
“I have a life…” I mutter, sleep-deprived and hangry.
“Here, eat this before you become more spiteful.” He passes me bread with slices of cheese, and I’m a little speechless. “Don’t read into it. You were always disgusting with the amount of cheese you put on everything.”
Is he a mind reader?
I take a small and suspicious bite of the bread. No signs of poisoning…
“Thanks.” I redirect my eyes forward. “So what am I supposed to do now?” I look around, images of my garden I’ve never seen before. The sun is low on the horizon, and its weak rays are touching the back of my house. There’s something soothing about it. Quiet.
“Whatever we want.” He paces forward and reaches to open the gate.
“I don’t remember including you in my plans.” I cross my arms, and his twisted smirk makes its first appearance of the day.
“We’ve slept together twice. I think we’re past excluding each other from simple morning walks .”
“We fell asleep next to each other twice, because that penny you threw in the well finally took effect and made your wish come true.”
“You’re getting more creative each time. And believe me, if anyone wished upon a star, it was you.”
“Excuse me, what?” I choke myself from the absurdity of his statement.
“Don’t you think I know all your hatred and rolling of the eyes is just you trying not to fall deeper for me than you already have?”
“You know what, I’m actually starting to believe you were dropped as a baby. Repeatedly.”
The air is chillier than every other day I’ve woken up in this land. The streets are partially empty, businesses are opening, and mainly older people holding their paper waiting to sit outside the establishments.
“Yes, because I was the one who had to be locked away for throwing a tantrum every other day.”
“See?! How can you even suggest that I am falling for you?” I point out, and somehow I said something wrong.
“Wow, that really affected you… I was just joking, Brown, but if anything, I wouldn’t be opposed, you know that.” His dimples show up, and I feel my cheeks heat.
“You know I’m too smart to be seduced by you.”
“That’s why I like you.”
My heart nearly stops. I know he didn’t mean like me like me, but still, we didn’t openly admit this.
Ever. We stand each other. We’re obliged to hang out because our dads are inseparable, but we don’t like each other.
I thought we forgot how nice we were to each other yesterday.
I mean, come on, I woke up with his foot on my face. Am I reading something wrong or what?
I stare at the ground, trying to gain a sense of the fact I’m awake, and a yawn stretches my mouth to its widest. I glance sideways at a bird chirping in a young tree planted near the main square, along with several others, to encourage green spaces in our town.
The air seems different as it reaches my lungs.
I hate to admit it, but besides the fact that I’m dying a bit and my brain is not making sense of anything all that much, being awake this early is quite- Beautiful.
Refreshing. I take a deep breath in, something I struggle with a lot, and that, according to my therapist, is due to anxiety.
That’s why I’m always yawning. Because I’m trying to fill my lungs as much as I can and feel like I took that one perfect breath.
“Huh. I didn’t know crazy Jared woke up this early…” I comment, talking about the town’s lunatic who, actually, funnily enough, teaches… Yoga…
“Did you make an appointment with crazy Jared for me to do yoga?” I ask. I must be imagining things, right?
“Of course not.” Jake dismisses, and I let a big breath out.
“Good… Imagine my first time doing yoga is with crazy Jared, ha! That would be…” Jake runs a bit to greet Jared. “…hilarious.”
“Madelaine! Namasté.” He bows, and I bow a bit instinctively. And because I’m a little bit afraid he’s going to invoke some kind of demon on me. “Are you ready?”
I nod tightly and look behind me at West.
“You lied!” I whisper in his face, and he bounces his head as if there’s a blurry line between lying and whatever it was that he said to me.
“Oh, you’re welcome, honey!” He places his arm around me stiffly. “I knew you’d love it.”
Jared claps and gestures to three mats in the middle of the park, and my eye starts twitching.
“West, did you sign us up for couples’ yoga?!” I speak sideways so Jared won’t hear me.
“What? Of course not-”
“I find your love so refreshing that I couldn’t believe it when Jacob signed you up for couples’ yoga.” Jared says while putting up his red hair in a ponytail.
“Okay, technically I did, but you have to stay because crazy Jared will call his friends on the other side if you leave.” West mutters back, and my head nods side to side in disapproval of, well, him.
“Whoa, guys, I’m sensing some tension. Is everything okay?”
“Oh, you know, Madelaine, her head is always working and analyzing everything.”
I’m pretty sure I look like I’m having a stroke.
Jared grabs West’s hand, calmly, and places his other hand on his heart.
“You’re such a good partner, Jacob, I hope you know that.”
“I really am, aren’t I?” He smiles contentedly, and I just shake my head.
“I’m sorry, Jared, but this one didn’t warn me about this, so I’m not even dressed, and I would hate to waste your time. Maybe another day-”
This time, he grabs my hand and places it together with West’s in both his hands.
“Your honeypot is right, Madelaine, you think too much. Spontaneity only treats you right. You should be grateful you have such an attentive partner to your needs.”
“So lucky…” I mutter as he drops our hands — and I slap Jake’s away from mine — and leads us towards the mats. West only smiles like a dumbass at me.
“I thought we could start with the Superman pose today.” Jared points to our mats, and West and I look at each other, confused.
“Superman? We don’t know that one…”
“No problem. It’s when one partner lies on the ground and holds the other’s body over theirs.”
“I’m sorry, Jared, I thought we were doing regular yoga, like you know, separate but by each other’s side.” West clears his throat, clearly thrown off his game.
“I’m afraid there’s been a misunderstanding. Couples’ yoga involves the two people working together, in order to bring balance and harmony to each other.”
I lose it.
“Please! That’s- That’s- Oh my god- Peace?
” I laugh, my stomach muscles giving out from how much I’m laughing.
“I can’t breathe!” I laugh some more and then some more when I glance at West’s desolated face, realization dawning on him.
“Oh my god, I’m crying… You’re so stupid…
” I wipe my eyes and sit on my mat, while the idiot to my left reluctantly sits on his.
“Honey.” I add after Jared looks suspiciously at me.
“You’re stupid.” West throws childishly at me.
Jared instructs West to lie down, and I place his feet on my hips, ready for him to lift me.
“This is all about trust, so Jacob, extend your hand to Madelaine, and when you’re ready, lift her.”
Our hands touch, and I squeeze his a little bit, clearly a bit afraid.
He nods subtly as if saying he won’t let me fall.
His legs lift me, and I’m a little bit imbalanced at first, but then it’s like we’re those gymnasts who synchronize perfectly.
And for a few seconds, I didn’t think too much of anything.
West is annoying, but he is right. I’m always thinking.
Always trying to figure out everything around me, people’s next moves, but right now, I’m just existing, if that makes sense.
I don’t think I’ve ever felt so peaceful these last few years as I’m feeling right now.
And I take it. That big, perfect breath, even though West’s feet are pressing against my stomach.
I open my eyes and look down at him, and it seems I caught him off guard because he’s lightly smiling.
“Amazing, chemistry, you guys. I’m glad you found each other. You can see how much you love one another.”
“What-” And I’m thrown off balance, and so is West, because as soon as I know, I’m landing face-first into his stomach. He winces in pain, and how in the hell is his stomach this hard? OW.
“Why would you drop me?!”
“Hey, you moved first!”
* * *
“Forehead to forehead. Yes, that’s right, close your eyes.
” This past hour has been going strangely.
We fight and reunite. And then realize we’re being nice and harmonious and fight again.
But it’s like Crazy Jared won’t take that for an ending, so he’s making us do this one last exercise where we talk nicely about each other, you know, to leave with positive vibes and all, while touching our foreheads and closing our eyes.
“Madelaine-” West starts, but Jared interrupts him.
“No, Madelaine has to go first. It’s important she lets go of her pride and goes first.” I glance quickly at Jared, and he’s dead serious.
“Oh- Okay, uhm, West-”
“Jacob.” Jared corrects me.
“Jake, I…” I hate this. I feel weak, which is somehow worse, because I shouldn’t feel weak when talking nicely about a, well, good person.
I know I make him my personal punching bag, but he responds equally.
It’s a fucked up partnership in a way, but I also hate to admit that I’m always the one who insults first. And it hurts me even more to give my power up.
“I admire your positivity even when I cross the line and say hurtful things to you.” I take a big breath.
“Actually, I admire your positivity towards life in general, I-I wish I had more of that.” I rip it off like a bandage.
I hate how I know he’s looking at me right now. And the fact that this stupid forehead thing is actually working.
“Jacob, your turn.”
“Madelaine, despite the fact you can be cold-hearted and closed off-”
“Of course…” I whisper to him. He can’t take anything seriously in his life, not even when I feel this naked emotionally.
“I admire your strength and how, despite everything you went through, you still endure. You’re still a good friend to Allison, a good older sister to Lindsey, and a good daughter to John.
There aren’t many people who would still be standing, and even though I called you cold-hearted, I think you’re warm-blooded.
Someone who had to shut down like you did, still caring that deeply about so many things, is astonishing to me.
You, uh, underestimate yourself.” He clears his throat, and I’m so glad our eyes are closed because I’m one second away from ugly crying.
From the sounds coming out of Jared’s mouth, I’m assuming we got to him.
“That was so beautiful, guys. I feel like you grew so much throughout this past hour and a half, and I’m proud. Okay, calm down, Jared, you’re doing too much. This is why they call you crazy. Slowly, you can open your eyes and unglue your foreheads.”
I wipe my face down quickly before we both open our eyes and get away from each other as soon as possible.
“Namasté. Until I see you again.” And then he grabs his mat and just walks away from us.
We’re left staring at each other.
“I still hate you.” I look around, avoiding his eyes.
“Yeah, same.” We get up quickly and assume we leave the mats behind.
We walk side to side when his phone buzzes.
“Oh shit. My mom says she just saw us in the park and wants you to have dinner at ours tonight.” He can barely look at me, which relieves me, too.
“I have to lie to Emily…” I stare at the end of the road, my stomach eating me from the inside out.
“I don’t know why she’s insisting, she knows you, I’m just gonna tell her-”
“No, leave it. You lied to my dad, too, so it’s only fair I pretend for you. See you tonight.”
And without a warning, I walk faster in front of him, my organs recoiling from guilt.
Emily was the closest thing I had to a mother.
She comforted me when I cried, and she was there to instruct me on my first period.
She bought me all the books I’ve read and told me never to give up on my romantic side.
She gave me more advice than my dad ever could, and she always made sure to be there for me.
She would take Lindsey and me out to ice cream on Mother’s Day so we wouldn’t feel so bad.
So yeah, it’s killing me that I have to lie to her.
But my dad was lied to, too, so one way or another, this is happening.
My phone buzzes in my back pocket as soon as I walk inside the house.
Evil Spawn: If my mom finds out, she’ll find it hilarious
Evil Spawn: I gave her worse heart attacks than you could ever
I exhale.
Me: You’re right, it’s almost too easy being her favorite
Come on, be mean back…
Evil Spawn: Please, you’re nothing but a kissass
Evil Spawn: I came out of her
Me: And she regrets it every day I’m sure
Evil Spawn: ok she-devil
Evil Spawn: Oh and try wearing something other than those godawful tshirts, put in effort for once
I smile down at my phone. We’re good…
“Wow, that’s some weird ass kink.” Allison scares me, looking over my shoulder at our texts, making my heart almost drop.
“Shut up.” I shove my phone into my pocket.
“Hey, at least you match each other’s freak.”
“Allison…”
“What? I’m just saying, your wedding vows will be delightful.”