Chapter 32 I Don’t Even Know What’s Happening
I Don’t Even Know What’s Happening
We’re two days away from my childhood being married.
Literally. Linda and Patrick are getting married in two days, and so, as a courtesy and thank you, my dad and aunt invited them over for dinner.
My aunt is frantic, to say the least. It’s like we’re having the Queen for dinner and not previous babysitters.
“Madelaine Brown!”
I shiver at her tone. This isn’t good. Rather be running a marathon than have to deal with her wrath.
“Yes…” I respond, unsure. She narrows her eyes and whispers, a dangerous whisper, “You have three seconds to get off that couch and put the things outside!” Yeah… It wasn’t a whisper anymore. I shoot up from the couch and pass by her.
While I’m dragging the table to the spot, I see my aunt dragging my cousins by their ears, outside.
“How are we supposed to listen to you calling us-”
“When you rip our ears off!” They say alarmed.
We all set the table, lightning speed, and when I’m putting up the white lanterns in the trees — the little morons are useless, can’t reach the tree branches — a familiar face appears on the balcony from the other house.
“All that for me? You shouldn’t have.”
I sigh.
“Yes, West, because I know for a fact that you can’t go on with dinner without white heart paper lanterns surrounding you.” I sarcastically sneer.
He wholeheartedly smiles, laugh lines filling his face, and I whip my head towards the table so as not to let him see me flustered from how fine he is.
I breathe out and fan myself trying to calm down, but also, this summer is especially hot in temperature.
A few seconds later, a fully showered and dressed Jake West appears beside me.
“What can I do?”
“Really?”
He looks around as if his being here isn’t obvious.
“If my aunt asks, you begged to help, and I had no other choice!” I tell him quickly, desperate for a shower and afraid that my aunt catches me passing the work to somebody else.
“Yes, ma’am.” He smirks, and I definitely have to go now. Even though I don’t want to. Not a little bit.
I’m reaching the door when I look behind, biting the inside of my cheek, and waiting for him to look at me.
“Thanks.” I say, when he finally does, and he nods.
“Oh-” I come back to the table to grab my phone to play music in the shower, and as soon as I reach it, I open it for a quick scroll in which my feed refreshes and a Dustin selfie appears with his puppy.
“Is that Dustin-”
“No…” My tone isn’t convincing, and I purse my lips so hard trying not to smile.
“I could swear I saw-” I giggle and then cover my mouth. The wheels of my feet rotate and make me move towards the door, with Jake shouting behind me. “I knew it! And he does do photoshoots with puppies! You sellout!”
I laugh, walking into the house and closing the door behind me, biting my lip.
Oh my god, this is going to crush me when he ditches me for Amanda.
* * *
“Maddie! Are you listening to me?”
My aunt snaps her fingers in front of my face.
“What?” I ask, shaking my head.
She grabs a long, dark red dress and waves it in my face.
“What do you think?”
I usually don’t wear dresses because I’m more practical and don’t like the feeling of my inner thighs being all easy breezy, but that’s why I love long, princess-like dresses; I just never have the occasion to wear them.
And this one… This one is straight out of my dreams. Waist down, it’s voluminous and it reaches just above my feet, and it’s soft and shiny and so so beautiful.
It’s a cherry red, and it couldn’t be more perfect. It’s simple; therefore, it’s me.
“You like it?”
“It’s gorgeous.” I let out a sigh, escaping my mouth.
“Right? It’s a Queen Anne medium puff-sleeved cherry dress.
” My aunt describes perfectly, a smile brewing on her lips.
“Alright then.” My aunt gets up and gets out of the room, reminding me to hurry up.
Tonight we are just going to have a normal dinner, so I put on my normal clothes.
An AC/DC black t-shirt and some white shorts.
My hair is wet, but light waves are already starting to form.
I don’t completely hate my wavy hair, I just… Like it better straight.
Everyone is already downstairs, so I leave my room.
The front gate bell rings, and I run downstairs, almost tripping over on the last step.
I open the door to the garden, and outside are our visitors.
I was planning on running and hugging Linda, but her baby wouldn’t let me, so I ran to Patrick instead.
“I’m so excited!” I blurt out.
I stop hugging him, and when I turn around, to Jake, he has his arms spread out.
“I’m sorry, who are you marrying to deserve a hug?” I question, mocking, hands on my hips.
“You.” He grins, and my stomach twists so hard I think I’m about to falter. This is terrifying.
“Yeah, right.” I chuckle, nervous laughter taking control of me, and I move on. “Thanks for helping with the garden, though.” I punch his arm like I just said, Buddy, and I want to kill myself.
He ignores it altogether and places an arm around my shoulders, making my body have a reaction, before my mind can even say anything.
The feeling you get when you’re thirsty, and you have that one fresh gulp of water and feel it going down your body and spreading through it, giving you life? That’s what he does for me.
God, Madelaine, you keep forgetting that he likes Amanda, not you.
I’m his friend… At most, nothing else.
I get out of his arm and make my way to the table. Everyone’s sitting down, and I do the same. I decide to stay between Blake and Allison. The first doesn’t seem very satisfied with me, and I roll my eyes at his crush on Allison. Jake sits right in front of me.
It takes everything in me not to visibly let out the biggest disappointed sigh in my life, the hope that this could really happen slipping away into the air as I do so.
I’ve read all the books and seen every movie, and still, I never learn.
Why did I ever agree to this stupid fake relationship?
“So, when did you realise Patrick was the one?” Allison asks eagerly, and everyone around the table laughs.
“It was actually when we were babysitting those creatures.” Linda grins from ear to ear, pointing at Jake and me, and we look at each other half-smiling.
“When we told them, Patrick and I were going to go to a college in a different country, little Maddie started to cry, and Patrick hugged her and said, I’m not leaving you, I could never leave my mini me and Maddie asked him if he was going to forget about her and he promised that every Friday he was going to watch their romcoms and call her every weekend.
And he kept the promise. That was the moment I knew I deeply loved him, and there was no coming back. ”
“It wasn’t a romantic moment?” Paige asks out of the sudden.
“I guess not. I guess it was his dedication and his kindness towards others.”
I’m so happy that I could cry.
“It can’t be that simple.” Brandon rolls his eyes. I turn to my dumb cousin who is in front of his brother.
“I hate to say it, B, but when you know you…“ I trail off, feeling helpless, and lift my eyes without wanting to, to find him already looking at me. “Know.”
The rest of the dinner went from talking about kids’ disasters to kids’ names to love.
It was always these three topics. Honestly, I was getting tired by the end of the dinner.
All these stories, all these memories, all these quotes, all this love.
It just makes me think. And those thoughts make me look at Jake.
He’s looking at Patrick while he talks about…
Something. He looks down and then slowly moves his head in my direction.
I don’t even try to pretend I wasn’t looking at him.
He represses a smirk and gives me the look.
Eyes intense and jaw clenching. You see, what is the need to look at me that way?
I already like him, but with that look, it could quickly make me go from like to…
No denying, love. He just messes with me in a way no one should be messed with.
I’m so mad at him for putting me through this, even though I agreed.
He likes Amanda and sees me as his friend.
But then asks for hugs, looks at me with those hazel eyes, and sings with me, dances with me, and does practically everything with me.
The other day, he even called himself my boyfriend to Dustin, even though we weren’t in town and no one would know.
I mean, way to go, West… Just continue to confuse me, it’s okay.
It’s fine. Except it’s not okay and it’s not fine. It’s not fair. That’s-
“Mads!” Blake whisper-yells.
“What?” I look around, and everyone is looking at me.
“I was asking how the babysitting was.” Linda asks, curious.
“Oh, it was… Fine.” That’s one word for it. “Weird, really. Definitely some sort of deja vu.” I shrug, playing with the strawberry in front of me with the fork.
“I thought it was more fun than fine.” Jake speaks, putting himself comfortable in his chair.
“What did you do?” Linda turns to our sisters.
“You know, games and movies. Surprisingly, the babysitting was nice.” Alana says.
“Yeah, the lovebirds handled it well. Well, they could have been less clingy-”
“What is that supposed to mean?” I let out angrily. Frankly, the anger was just a buildup from seconds ago, and it got super defensive.
“Oh, please. The flour fight, making both of you end up on the kitchen floor, all goofy-smiling at each other.” Blake lets the entire table know, directly looking at me, loving the attention he’s receiving.
“Oh, when we were singing in the kitchen. Jake was always looking at you, Maddie!” Paige reminds.
“When you basically slept through the movie with your head on his shoulder. He couldn’t stop shushing us the whole movie, again, always looking at you.” Brandon lets out, disgusted.
I could be buried right now. I’m scarlet red, shrunk in my chair. I feel so exposed. This can’t get any worse.
“And that’s not even the more disgusting thing we’ve caught them doing.” Blake laughs, but suddenly realizes what he said and covers his mouth with a slap.
Everyone at the table goes silent. I can’t even look up anymore.
“What happened?” Paige asks, curious.
“Oh, right, you weren’t there!” Brandon reminds. “They were just eating their faces off on the couch.” He informs, definitely not reading the room.
My father chokes on a strawberry and starts to cough a lot. My sister kicks Brandon under the table, and he shouts. So it did get worse.
“In front of the children, Madelaine? Shame.” Allison points out, dragging that last word. That girl has no trouble embarrassing me.
“I already knew.” Riden shrugs.
My eyes widen.
“You told him?!” I ask, shocked.
“I-I-” It’s the first time I look at him since my little depressing thoughts, and he looks embarrassed, almost red. This could be so funny if I weren’t involved.
“You know, Maddie, as a mom, I want to scold you so bad.” Aunt Lori starts, but then the tips of her mouth start to go up. “But as your aunt and former teenager, respect.” She hits her chest, smirking.
“MOM!”
“LORI!” My father and my cousins shout at the same time.
Linda is with her arms crossed, a little bit mad, and Patrick is with his face near hers, smirking.
“Don’t you think that’s enough proof? I won.” He states, pleased.
Emily and Joey are enjoying the show. They probably expected this from their son, but my dad… He looks stunned. Like the math doesn’t add up.
“I’m going to clean the dishes.” I blurt out, getting up. Jake also gets up.
“I’m going too.” He says.
“Oh no no no.” My dad laughs dryly. “You’ll stay here with me.” My dad points a finger at him. Like Jake and I would do anything in the kitchen. Honestly…
“Yes, sir.” He speaks, scared.
Never in this lifetime did my dad talk to him like that, and never did he respond with sir.
“Jesus Christ, John.” My aunt admonishes her brother.
“This is all just too good.” My best friend giggles, a hand covering her mouth, and Riden snorts.
“You.” I point at her. “If I can’t take him, you’re coming with me.”
“Alright!” She cheerfully says.
I sigh and drag her by the hand, forgetting about the plates.
“I have to admit something.” I woefully say to her.
“You’re falling for him.” She crosses her arms.
“Uh, no. I like him. Not there yet.” I think out loud.
“Yeah, I don’t think so.” Alls disagrees.
“I’m so frustrated!” I groan. “To top it off, he likes another person.” Pause. “It’s not fair.” I whisper.
Tears start to form in the corner of my eyes. Allison hugs me.
“What did I get myself into?” My voice cracks.
“How am I even going to the wedding tomorrow with him and act clingy and super in love, knowing that it’s all fake to him and not to me.
I thought I could be different. I thought I wouldn’t feel anything for him.
I thought I had a settled wall. He climbed it and passed it so easily, it’s not fair!
” I say again, fully ugly crying. “I mean, my therapist said I was a masochist, but I didn’t think I was also stupid! ”
“Mads, look at me.” She grabs my shoulders. “You are my best friend, and you will get past this. If I were you, I would just call it off and then let time heal. Even though that’s a stupid decision.”
I get off her and look dumbfounded at her.
“I think it’s a solid decision. It’s a wonderful one. It’s great. It’s ideal.” I reason.
“It’s stupid because he obviously has feelings for you!”
“That’s a lie. Don’t you try to put those thoughts in my head.” I say seriously, looking into her blue eyes.
Her face suddenly darkens.
“Fine. Stay oblivious forever, but don’t call me a liar. I know what I saw, and I know what I heard.”
This is not ending the way it should. Well, it’s not my fault for being the way I am. And it’s not my fault that she sees things that aren’t there.
“Fine.” I say defensively.
“Fine.” She says back, walking out the door.
That night I slept in my old room, sparing me from another speech or more disdainful scowls, from her or my traumatized dad.