13. Dylan
13
DYLAN
“ S o?! How did it go?” I walk up to Scarlett, perched on the end of my desk, waiting for me to return from the meeting.
I dramatically fling myself into my chair and throw my arms over my face. “Really well, actually.”
“Oh, thank god. Then we won’t be needing this.” She pulls out a small flask of some unknown liquor from behind her back. “Although, you seem like you may need it anyway. Are you alright?”
I look from the small bottle to her face. “Do you just carry that with you everywhere you go?”
She lackadaisically shrugs. “Of course. It’s mandatory if you work here. Dealing with Katherine calls for tequila pretty much 24/7. Just be thankful she doesn’t blow up your phone on the weekends. My liver is going to hate me if I’m not careful. Now tell me, everything good?”
I stifle a laugh and ignore the flask she’s holding out to me. As much as I would love a drink right now, I know that using alcohol as a crutch isn’t going to make me feel any better. I wave her off delicately, and she pulls it back to her chest. “It was great. Evelyn seemed thrilled with the ideas I came up with.”
“Then what’s the issue?”
“Parker.”
“Ahh, do tell.” She jumps up onto my desk, folding her feet underneath her crossed legs. Her stiletto heels have been abandoned by my feet.
“He’s being so… nice. I don’t get it. I mean, I do. He’s always been a nice guy. But I’ve been so mean to him to guard myself from getting hurt again. Yet he seems completely unfazed. It’s maddening.”
“I’m not seeing the problem. Look, I may be on the hating men train and won’t be getting off any time soon, but it kind of sounds like he’s a good guy who just wants the best for you. Don’t you think you’ve been a little rough on him?”
I stare at her, slack-jawed. I haven’t known Scarlett for that long, but I do know that she’s always the first to vocalize her distaste for anyone of the opposite gender. She briefly mentioned that she was previously married a few years back, which ended poorly, but it must’ve really done a number on her because she’s about as pessimistic as it gets when it comes to love.
“I’m just trying to protect myself…” My voice cracks, and I instinctively bring a hand to my throat to bring myself some illusion of solace.
“Aw, Dyl, I know.” She hops off the desk and drapes her arms around my shoulders. “You’re doing what’s best for you. Anyone would if they were in your shoes. Maybe just lighten up a little. There’s nothing wrong with being friends with the guy if he really does seem to have good intentions. Besides, you said he has a girlfriend. That’s enough to help you keep yourself an arm’s length away from him. It seems like no matter how hard you try to keep him out of your life, he’s here to stay in some capacity. ”
As she speaks, I feel her phone vibrate in her pocket against my ribs. She stops mid-thought and begins drafting a text.
We sit in silence as she continues without looking up from her phone. Her fingers are flying, typing god knows what to god knows who. Whatever it is, she seems to be enthralled. The giddy grin on her face would be infectious if I weren’t so suspicious.
I let out a pointed cough, trying to recapture her attention. She pops her head back up to look at me.
“Sorry about that.” She smiles and tucks her phone back into her back pocket. I don’t miss that she’s put a small distance between us, so I can no longer feel her phone when it goes off.
“Texting someone important?” I pry with a skeptical gaze.
“No. Of course not. Just my mom.”
“Mhmm, sure. Is there a new man in your life? Is that why you’re getting so soft on me all of a sudden?”
She scrunches her nose and sticks out her tongue in disgust. “Absolutely not. That ship has sailed. I’m just saying that if you and Parker are going to be working together, and he’s proven to you that he’s going to continue to be nice to you no matter what you throw at him, you might as well not let it get under your skin.” She redirects the attention off of her.
“You’re probably right, and I hate you for it.”
“No, you don’t. Look, your first love is always going to be complicated. His showing up in the same new city as you is something straight out of a rom-com. That’s automatically going to make you question whether or not the universe is playing tricks on you, and hell, maybe it is. But you’re both different people than you once were and now is your chance to have him in your life on a friendship level. I understand his having a girlfriend complicates things even further, but that doesn’t mean it’s worth hating the guy. You’re wasting your own energy. ”
My eyes narrow into slits. “God dammit, I hate when you get all wise on me.”
“I’m sorry. It’s part of my DNA. My grandma always told me I had a knack for it. She also said that in my past life, I was some kind of stoic philosopher…so maybe her words don’t mean much. Anyways, do you want to cut out of here an hour early and head to hot yoga and then maybe grab a juice? I need to detox myself of my poor decisions last weekend.”
“Scar, it’s Wednesday. I think it may be a little late for that.” I begin packing up my laptop and all of my other belongings into my work bag. I’m more than happy to get out of here as soon as possible, even if it means exercising and drinking some colorful liquid that probably tastes like dirt.
“With that attitude, it is. I rarely go out and still feel like I’m suffering the consequences. God forbid I let loose every once in a while.”
“Once in a while? You broke out a flask of tequila in the middle of the office.” I pucker my lips, immediately regretting the condemnatory tone in my voice. Fortunately, she doesn’t seem to take offense to the abrasive comment.
“It’s for emergencies only. I don’t need your judgment.” She twists the lid off and throws it back, taking a shot. When she’s finished, her body shudders, and she smacks her lips in revulsion. “Fuck, I wish I had a lime.”
With a laugh, I put one hand up in the air and the other on my heart. “I would never judge you. Scout’s honor.”
“So? What do you say? A little sweat sesh may clear your head of this Parker stuff.”
“I could use a break now that the presentation is over.”
“Hell yeah, you could. Let’s go. I’ll let Katherine know. Save ourselves the headache of her finding out and giving us an earful.”
“Have I ever told you I want to be you when I grow up? Maybe then she won’t hate my guts. ”
“She doesn’t hate you. It’s more of a strong dislike.”
“Oh, thanks,” I mutter under my breath. As she strides towards Katherine’s office, her giggle is carried away with her.
After running by Scarlett’s apartment and borrowing a workout set from her because my place was too far away, I got my ass handed to me in hot yoga. I was never the athletic type. I dabbled in different sports throughout high school, but nothing ever stuck.
By the time I was in college, I had basically given up. Of course, when you’re in college and you have the metabolism of a child, you don’t have to worry about working out or eating healthy. No matter how much you stuff your face or drink yourself to death, you never gain a pound. I took those days for granted. Now, it’s all about watching what I eat and trying to have some semblance of a workout routine (news flash: it’s non-existent).
Luckily, ever since moving to the city, I’ve been walking more than ever. Unluckily, that doesn’t correlate to being naturally great at hot yoga. By the time class is over, I’m dripping with sweat and wheezing at a mortifying volume. Meanwhile, Scarlett seems almost unbothered as we walk out into the cool air, trekking for a green juice.
“How are you not dying? Please don’t tell me you’re one of those people who’s just naturally good at every workout you try,” I whine.
“Absolutely not. I’ve been doing yoga for years now. When I first started, I nearly passed out on multiple occasions. It took me a couple of months to build up my stamina. But I like the way it helps me clear my head. It’s become my safe space. ”
As I glance over at her, her cheeks the softest shade of pink from exertion, I notice a sense of serenity I’ve never seen before. In the moments we’ve spent together at lunch and coffee, she’s always seemed so tense. I knew she put everything into her work, but I assumed it came easily. At least, that’s how it appeared as an outsider looking in. She always has her shit together–not one hair out of place.
Now, I’m seeing her in a new light. Her shoulders sit further down from her ears as if a weight has been physically lifted off of them. Her eyes are glowing brighter. She’s gliding down the sidewalk, her steps lighter.
When I take the time to think about it, I understand that feeling. Being in that room, contorting my body into positions that I didn’t believe were physically possible for me, helped take my mind off of everything that I’ve been dealt lately—being unhappy at work, knowing deep down that my feelings for Parker are still there, stifling said feelings because I can’t afford to have my heart broken again. I feel lighter than I have in weeks.
“I know what you mean,” I reply.
She looks over at me and offers me an unadulterated, joyful smile. It’s different from any other smiles I’ve seen from her in the past, and my chest grows heavy at the idea that I’ve never noticed the front she puts on for everyone. “I know that I’m good at my job. I’ve worked hard to get to this point. But sometimes it feels like I’m suffocating.”
“Really? You’ve made it look easy from the moment I met you.”
She playfully rams her shoulder into mine as we walk in step with one another. “Well, maybe I should change career paths then. Because I spend more time at work than I do with friends, I haven’t gone on a date in over eight months, and I couldn’t tell you the last time I took a vacation.”
“For what it’s worth, I wasn’t kidding when I said I want to be you when I grow up. You’re a badass, and I aspire to be that dedicated. Just don’t forget to take care of yourself, though.”
“Don’t worry about me. I’ll be okay. That’s why I work out five days a week. I may be working around the clock, but that isn’t going to stop me from getting a banging body. The feeling less insane thing is an added bonus, too.” Her tone is casual, but I can tell deep down that she’s being serious. I make a mental note to spend more time together outside of work, even if I have to force her.
“Trust me when I say you’ve succeeded there, too.”
She peeks down at her figure, and her mouth crooks up with a sense of achievement. “Thank you for listening to my sob story. I didn’t mean to bring the mood down. I’m sorry. I promise I won’t do that again.”
I step in front of her, grabbing hold of her shoulders to stop us in front of the juice shop. “Don’t ever apologize for that. I appreciate you telling me. If you ever need someone to talk to, you know I’m here for you.”
She leans in to hug me but stops herself right before she makes contact. Her nose wrinkles, visibly repulsed by the noticeable sweat marks on her clothes. “I know you are. Thank you. I’d hug you, but I am soaked in sweat and probably smell terrible.”
I grab her anyway and pull her into a tight embrace. “Don’t worry, me too. We can reek together.”
She’s barely able to keep the laughter out of her voice as she squeezes me back and says, “Let’s just hope we don’t run into any deliciously hot single men while we’re here. We stand no chance.”
I open the door of Joe & the Juice and let her in before me. I amble over to the fridge full of vibrant juices and study each and every single one individually. As much as I need to eat more fruits and vegetables, there’s something about drinking a juice made of cucumber, celery, kale, and olive oil that sounds less than appealing.
“You know, for someone on a strike against men, you sure talk about dating and finding a hot guy a lot,” I jest.
“Am I not at least allowed to look?”
I giggle, grab an appetizing-looking juice that I’m ninety percent sure at least has strawberries in it, take Scarlett’s juice out of her hands, and head up to the register to pay. After handing the cashier my card, I give Scarlett her juice back and grab a seat by the large window facing the bustling city.
“Of course, you can look all you want. But I think deep down there’s a part of you that wants to do more than just that.”
“Like sleep with them, no strings attached? That’s a given. I’m a woman with needs. I’d be doing myself a disservice if I didn’t try to find a man to keep me occupied every now and then,” she agrees.
Scarlett pulls out her phone again, stopping my chance for a response dead in its tracks. This is the second time today. It’s as if whoever is on the other side of these texts has her in a trance. Either she’s already hooking up with someone or hiding something much bigger from me. Unease coils in my belly as the last sip of juice I took grows tart in my mouth.
“You tried to play it off earlier, but I’d argue that you’ve already found someone to fulfill those needs of yours.” I motion my head towards her phone, and her eyes lift to meet mine.
If I didn’t know any better, I’d say there’s a flash of shame in her expression, but I don’t want to press the issue. If she is interested in someone, she’ll tell me when the time is right. That doesn’t explain the complaining about the lack of dates, though. I screw the lid on my juice and push it away from me, no longer interested in it.
She slides her phone back into her crossbody bag and adamantly shakes her head, grabbing my hands. “If I were seeing someone, I would tell you. I promise. I’m like the Sahara down there, and I don’t anticipate that changing in the near future.”
“If you say so. But if you do catch feelings for someone, just know I’m here to talk about it. I want to see you happy.”
“I know you do. And I appreciate it. You’re the first person that’s come into my life in years that I know I can trust. If I finally break my dry spell, you’ll be the first to know.”
While the smile that has grown on my face is authentic, I can’t help the sinking feeling that there’s something she’s not telling me.