24. Parker
24
PARKER
I t’s been four days since the release party. Four agonizing days. It’s not like I was expecting Dylan to profess her love for me back or for us to get together right off the bat. But we’ve gone four days without contact. My body physically vibrates with the need to text her and see how she’s doing, but I stop myself.
We’re only a week out from the book tour, which means we’ll have to talk about it at some point, but it’d be better for me mentally if that were sooner rather than later. I can’t stomach spending two weeks together and having her avoid me at all costs.
I told Blake everything. Of course, he was disappointed that I told her the truth, but he ultimately supported my decision. Especially after I told him that I had gone down on her in the elevator. Let’s just say that I was met with some back pats and “atta boys.” It was exactly the reaction I’d expect out of him, which is why I wasn’t holding my breath in the first place.
“I can help who’s next!”
The barista’s voice pulls me out of my drifting thoughts. I blink a couple of times, bringing my focus back to her face. She’s looking at me impatiently with her hands on her hips, and a flood of embarrassment runs through me. I mutter an apology, put in an order for a drip coffee, and miraculously find a seat in the packed coffee shop.
When my name is called, I go to grab my drink, only to be stopped by dainty fingers wrapping around my wrist. When I look over to the owner of the hand, my breath catches in my throat, and I immediately grow hot. It’s a face that I was never expecting to see again.
“M-Mrs. Jenkins?” I stammer. I thought seeing Dylan walk onto that plane was unbelievable, but seeing Dylan’s mom in the city is like seeing the ghost of my failed relationship’s past.
“Hi, honey. How many times have I told you to call me Abigail?” Her gaze blinks down at her hand still around my wrists, and she immediately removes it. “Sorry, I just can’t believe it’s you.”
She pulls me into a tight squeeze, and I feel some of the tension I’ve been holding over these past few days slowly unwind like a thread. Because my parents constantly fought and my mom remarried when I was in high school, I felt invisible most of the time–like a phantom of a person in my own home.
When Dylan and I started dating, we spent a lot of time around her parents–barbecues, camping trips, fishing on the lake, you name it. I knew that my family life was broken, but I hadn’t realized just how fractured it had been until I saw what a healthy family looked like.
James and Abigail became like second parents to me, and I mourned the loss of Dylan’s dad as if he were my own. I had never had that male father figure in my life once my dad left, and losing the closest thing I’d ever had hit me harder than I had ever expected. I never told her, though. I wanted to be strong enough for both of us.
When I lost Dylan, I also lost a piece of my family that I had grown to love and care about. I entered a world where I had no one, and although it made me the man I am today, I’ve spent innumerable hours wondering what my life would look like if I had chosen to stay.
I pull away from Mrs. Jenkins, and a wistful comfort washes over me. It’s reminiscent of the quietness of an early morning before the city wakes up, peaceful and grounding.
She looks good. No, she looks better than good. She’s put some weight on, and I don’t feel like I’m hugging a whisper of a soul anymore. She seems revitalized. Full of life. And being near her seems to fill me up with that same rejuvenation that I didn’t know I so desperately needed.
“You look amazing. Do you have time to chat for a second?” I ask hopefully.
She glances down at her watch while I fully ignore mine. I don’t care if I’m already running behind today. I don’t care that Blake’s probably going to rip me a new one. I’ll take the day off if I have to. Call in sick.
She hesitates, and my stomach nosedives. “I have to catch my flight in a couple of hours, and Dylan took the morning off to spend a little more time together, but I snuck out to grab a coffee. I don’t know how you guys sleep in the city. It’s so loud.” I snort. You could say that again. “But she was asleep when I left, so I’ve probably got a little time before she notices I’m gone.”
Relief settles into my bones, and I gesture at the table where my stuff is resting. “Let’s grab a seat.” I set my coffee on the table and sit as she does the same across from me. She looks up at me with her emerald eyes and a soft smile that brings me back to my roots, and I almost break down.
“Just in town visiting Dylan?”
“Well, my daughter has done a pretty terrible job of keeping up with me, so I had to take things into my own hands.” She takes a sip from her coffee, but I pick up on the twinkle in her eyes that makes them shine brighter.
I huff out a laugh, yet I can’t ignore the queasiness that rolls through my gut. Did Dylan tell her what happened? The two have always been closer than any mother and daughter I’ve seen, so the chances are high. I fiddle with the sleeve of my coffee cup at the thought.
She cocks her head to the side, knitting her brows together. “If you’re wondering if she told me what happened last week, the answer is yes.” She reads me like a book, and I curse under my breath. Damn, she’s good.
She takes another swig of her drink and then sets it down, placing a hand on one of my own in a nurturing manner. “Look, you two are adults. I’m not here to tell you what you should and should not do. I’m also not going to betray my daughter’s trust and tell you how she’s feeling. What I will tell you, though, is what I told her.” The thrum of the coffee shop chatter goes silent in my mind as I concentrate on the woman in front of me.
“James was the love of my life, and my time with him ended far earlier than I had ever hoped. If it were up to me, he’d still be alive and we’d be living out our forever together. But I wasn’t that fortunate. And if there’s one thing his death taught me, it’s that life’s short. We only get one shot, and we don’t know when our time is up. If you have feelings for someone, you owe it to both of you to make those feelings clear,” she remarks quietly.
“If they’re reciprocated,” she gives me an elusive wink before schooling her face back into a tender yet neutral expression, “do something about it. Don’t waste time questioning whether or not it’s right or wrong. Follow your heart.”
I sit at a loss for words, trying to process her advice. Instead of responding like a normal person, all that comes out is, “How did you become so wise?”
She grins triumphantly. “I’ve seen some shit in my years. You don’t go through what I’ve gone through without learning a thing or two.”
“I could use this guidance more often. I might fuck up a lot less.”
“Unfortunately, fucking up is an essential human experience. Look, you know you’re like a son to me. I have so much love for you, and I want to see you and Dylan happy. Whether that’s together or not is entirely up to you two. But I know this will work out exactly the way that it’s supposed to. You both just need to be honest with yourselves.”
She pats me on the arm once again and looks at her watch. “I should probably get going. I don’t want Dylan to notice that I’m missing. Plus, her coffee’s going to get watered down.” She motions to Dylan’s iced coffee–an iced vanilla latte, half sweet, I presume–before picking it up along with her own and standing to leave.
“This may make me a traitor, but don’t be a stranger, okay?” She stands, tucking her chair into the table, and extends her arms out to me.
“I won’t.” I accept the hug, holding onto her as tight as I can. The embrace is a safe haven, and I try not to let my jealousy manifest. I’m grateful for how my life turned out, but running into her is a reminder of the absence of a strong family foundation.
While I could have let it turn me bitter, I like to think that I’m using it to fuel my fire and create something strong for myself later in life. That’s why I’ve avoided dating and why the breakup with Olivia hit me harder than expected.
I didn’t experience a strong relationship growing up, but Abigail and James changed my perspective. They were proof that not every relationship had to end in a hideous divorce, and you didn’t have to scream at your kids to get your point across. They were loving, affectionate, and attentive. I aspired to have a family like theirs one day. I could only hope that Dylan would be there, too.
“Good to see you.” She grins and heads toward the door. I sit back down and stare at my coffee, lost in my head.
She’s right. Life’s too short. I may not be able to make Dylan love me, but I sure as hell can show her just how much she means to me, and I hope that it’s enough.