Four
There’s no way he can go back to Alice and Ben’s place in his drunken state, so I tell Theo he can spend the night on my couch.
He stumbles into a stack of overdue library books sitting on the entry table, scattering them to the floor. My apartment is cozy (read: tiny), and not at all built for someone Theo’s height. He had to bend down to walk through the threshold of my front door, but drunk as he is, he can barely walk straight. He looks down at the fallen books and stifles a laugh by covering his mouth with one hand.
I grab his arm and pull it over my shoulders to steady him. One of mine wraps around his waist. Despite our awkward height difference, thankfully we appear to be more or less the same weight, so I’m able to keep him upright easily.
“Come on, big guy.” I step over the books, and after a prolonged beat of Theo’s features schooling into deep focus, he puts one foot in front of the other, carefully sidestepping the fallen YA novels. I really do need to return them to work.
After leading him to the couch in the living room, I bend down and return the stack to the table. Then I grab a spare blanket and pillow from my bedroom, but by the time I return to the living room he’s already out cold. Long lashes fan the tops of his flushed cheeks. His legs dangle over the end of the couch, like he’s a large, cartoon giant. I watch him for a moment as his chest rises and falls in steady breaths. His face looks so innocent when he’s asleep, not at all like the face of a mastermind plotting to ruin his brother’s engagement.
Maybe, in the morning, I can convince him to keep his feelings for Alice to himself. If anyone’s equipped to dole out advice about unrequited love, it’s me.
I let out a sigh, unfolding the fluffy, pink blanket and draping it over Theo’s body. My mouth quirks up as I watch him sleep. The bright color brings his age down a decade, softening the hard edges of his features. He doesn’t look so scary when he’s fast asleep, swaddled in a pale pink blanket. His arm moves to drag it over his shoulders, but other than that he doesn’t stir. Not even when I ram my foot into the coffee table on my way to my bedroom, or when I let out a whispered, high-pitched curse.
But just as I reach the door to my bedroom, I hear him say something that sounds like my name. I turn around, taking careful steps back toward the couch so as not to wake him in case I’m just hearing things. His eyes are still closed, his facial features relaxed. I linger in the living room for a moment, and just when I’m about to leave again he gives a mumbled “thank you” that barely moves his lips.
At the sight of my warm, inviting bed, the exhaustion of tonight settles in my bones. I take a quick shower and change into an old T-shirt and plaid pajama shorts, before finally throwing back the blue covers of my bedspread and curling myself inside the cocoon of blankets. But as I try to fall asleep, my thoughts won’t stop reeling. There’s no doubt in my mind that I did the right thing tonight, but I selfishly can’t stop thinking about what would’ve happened if I hadn’t intervened and let Theo talk to Alice.
Does she feel the same way he does? Was there ever a time when she did? Is there any chance that if Theo confesses his feelings for her later, she’ll leave Ben to run off into the sunset with his brother?
I can’t stop imagining the outcomes. There’s the most logical one, where Alice rejects Theo and he leaves town, heartbroken. There’s possibly the most absurd one where Alice says “I don’t” to Ben and marries his brother at the ceremony instead. But with each new scenario in which Alice runs away with Theo, I can’t shake the image of Ben’s face as he realizes he’s losing the love of his life. Of our eyes meeting across the aisle, his shining with unshed tears. I put on my most assuring expression. One that lets him know he will get through this. He’s devastated now, yes, but—
No.
I shake my head at the thought, not daring to entertain what would happen after that “but.” But nothing. He’d be devastated, heartbroken, and never trust another woman ever again. That’s the last thing he deserves. I was right to stop Theo from ruining the happiest moment of his brother’s life before it could even happen. I won’t put my own selfish feelings above his.
My sleep is little and fitful, and all too soon my phone alarm wakes me at nine. I’m not sure if I expect Theo to still be here when I step into the living room, but I’m almost surprised to find he is. Then again, where else does he have to go after last night?
He’s lying down on his back, hair mussed from sleep, eyes bleary and unfocused. His iPhone hovers an inch over his face as he scrolls. When I knock on the wall to let him know I’m here, his head snaps up from his phone.
“Want any breakfast?” I ask him.
“Sure.” He sits up. “I can never say no to food.”
“Nice to know we have one thing in common.”
Actually, make that two things.
In the kitchen, I bustle around getting coffee ingredients and decide on what to make for breakfast. I spoon grounds into a coffee filter and sprinkle the top with cinnamon. From the fridge, I grab one large potato, four eggs, a jar of my mom’s homemade tomato and jalape?o salsa, and a pack of H-E-B Bakery tortillas. I ran out of mom’s homemade ones last week. (Note to self: visit Mom soon.) I find vegetable oil and a frying pan in the bottom cabinet beside the oven, then grab a cutting board and knife from the dish rack.
“So,” I call out once the coffee’s brewing. “Do you wanna talk about it?” There’s no need to explain what it is. He might’ve been drunk off his ass, but there’s no doubt in my mind we both remember last night with startling clarity.
He grunts from the couch. “Do I have to?”
“You might feel better.” I peel off the skin of the potato with the edge of a knife. “Plus, I did save you. The least you can do is offer some sort of explanation.” And I have to admit, my curiosity is piqued. When he doesn’t say anything for a while, I add, “Whatever you say is safe with me. You don’t have to worry about me blabbing to Ben or anyone else. No one needs to know what really happened last night.”
He heaves a sigh through the half wall. I let him gather his thoughts for a moment. Finally, he says, “I’ve loved her since we were kids.” I remember him saying that last night, but I don’t tell him as much. Maybe having some sort of barrier between us helps him get the story out, because once he starts, he doesn’t stop. “She was my first friend in San Antonio, ever since we moved into the house next door to hers. I snuck into her family’s tree house and the rest is history.”
“What happened?” I ask over the sizzle of browning potatoes. I turn them over in the pan with a blue spatula.
“We lost touch when I left for college,” he says. “I was surprised she stayed in town for college. She wanted to be a political journalist. Work for the New York Times or something. We talked about it all the time, how I’d play pro football and she’d be a big-shot journalist. I never expected her to stay behind, for her and my brother…” He trails off. “Nothing turned out like I thought it would.”
“So, all this time, nothing ever happened between you two?”
“No.” Another sigh, followed by a frustrated noise from the back of his throat. “I’ve never been a big commitment guy, and she was the one girl I wanted to do right by. But she had all these big dreams, and I knew she could really achieve them. I would’ve gotten in her way, if she actually loved me back.” He pauses for so long, I almost think that’s the end of it. Then he continues, “I just wanted to know if I ever had a chance. That’s all.”
My heart aches for him. I know exactly how that feels. My nights have been long with wishes for a different reality, one where Ben and I never break up. Or one where he realizes what a mistake letting me go was. Of him running to my doorstep in the pouring rain. I was never going to be the one who took the initiative, because I knew in my heart of hearts what would happen if I did. He’d turn me down. Say he’s happy with Alice, that she’s his future, and that I’m such a good friend and beg to just stay that way.
But we wouldn’t. Not with my confession laid bare between us, which is why I’ve kept my mouth shut for as long as I have.
“A lot of shit went down before I left for college. I won’t bore you with the details, but safe to say I don’t like the way I left things.” Theo continues, “I told myself I needed a clean break. From her, from Ben, from my life here. I was only an hour away, but it’s easier to avoid people you don’t see every day. Unless they’re Alice, at least. I never could say no to her, and she’d never let me drift as far as I wanted to. ‘We’re family,’ she’d always say. Once she marries Ben, we really will be.”
I step into the living room and hand him a plate of potato and egg tacos and a mug of coffee. He thanks me as I take a seat on the couch beside him. “You must think I’m a terrible brother.”
“Not at all,” I assure him, meeting his eyes. If he’s a terrible brother, I’m a terrible friend. Or at the very least, I’d be a hypocrite to agree with him. But after hearing his story, I can tell he has a good heart. If he could stop himself from pursuing Alice because he didn’t want to distract her from her goals, he can stop himself from ruining her engagement.
“But you will be if you get in the way of his happiness. And hers. Wasn’t the point of staying out of her way to put her happiness before yours?”
His eyes widen slightly, almost as if in surprise. “Yeah,” he says, his voice breathless. He clears his throat and tries again, nodding vigorously. “God, yes. The last thing I want is to get in the way of her happiness. My brother’s, too,” he adds quickly, almost as an afterthought.
“Then you’ll never forgive yourself if you intervene,” I say. “Trust me.”
Theo nods, not asking me how I know that. I understand how he feels more than anyone can ever know. Not that I plan on telling him as much. Even though he’s opened up so much more than I thought he would, there’s still a lot I don’t know about him. I doubt he’d turn around and tell Alice or anyone else about my feelings for his brother, but what if he tries to confess again and it accidentally comes out? No, I can’t take that chance.
It does mean, however, that I’m in the perfect position to help him. I can’t possibly judge him for his feelings when I’m no better than he is.
“Yeah. You’re absolutely right.” He scrubs his face with a hand. “I owe you one, Marcela. Thank you for stopping me.”
“No problem.” I duck away from his eyes to take a bite from one of the breakfast tacos. We’ve been talking for so long, they’re starting to get cold. I’m about to tell Theo to go ahead and dig in when the weight of his hand falls on my shoulder. I glance up at his solemn expression.
“Seriously,” he tells me, his eyes burning with some emotion I can’t name. “I could’ve ruined everything. The last person I should be going after is someone in love with my brother. I can’t thank you enough for helping me through this.”
“You’re welcome,” I say hoarsely. For some reason, my throat is dry. Once I clear it, my voice comes out normally. “Now eat up.”
He doesn’t need telling twice. Theo finishes the potato and egg taco in no less than three bites before washing it down with lukewarm coffee.
“Thanks for breakfast. You’re an amazing cook, and now we don’t have to go to brunch.”
“Shit.” I forgot all about brunch with Ben’s and Alice’s families. “What time is it?”
“Relax, it’s not till noon. It’s only”—Theo looks down at his phone—“half an hour till. And besides, we just ate.”
“Are you kidding? You have to go!” I exclaim. “They’ll think something’s up if you don’t show. Not only did you leave the party early, but you never returned to their apartment last night. They’ll catch on if you keep avoiding them.”
“Then what am I supposed to do?” He bursts up from the couch, eyes widening with panic. “How am I supposed to face them after what I almost did? How do I keep staying with them until I find a place of my own?”
“Wait, what?” I ask. “You’re not going back to Dallas?”
“I retired,” he tells me. The fact seems to deflate him; his shoulders slump in defeat, and he hangs his head like it’s weighing him down. “I don’t even want to get into that mess right now. God, what was I thinking? This is a mess.”
“Hey.” I rest a hand on his arm, and he looks back down at me. “You’ll get through this, okay? And I’ll help you any way I can. I promise.”
He meets my eyes, and I notice the color of his for the first time. Dark blue. Twin storms rapidly approaching the shore, right before they wipe out all signs of civilization. Those eyes are twice the destruction—total obliteration.
“You’ve done more than enough for me, Marcela. More than I deserve.”
“No one deserves to go through what you’re going through alone,” I assure him, even as a twinge in my chest makes my heart ache. At least I have Angela to help me get through all the Ben stuff. Who does Theo have aside from me? Would his friends back in Dallas judge him for going after his brother’s fiancée?
“But first things first—”
“Are you sure brunch is really a good idea right now?”
“You can think about it as you get ready.” My nose wrinkles as I sniff the air between us. I push him toward the direction of my bathroom. “But maybe start with a shower first.”