Chapter 6 Never
Never
Nadine
“Go inside, sweetheart. I’ll bring in the bags.”
His tender words pierced my heart and stung my eyes. It had been months since he’d addressed me with such care.
My breath lodged in my throat. In lieu of answering, I simply nodded and walked up the path to the door.
“Someone shoveled the path,” I muttered in surprise. “Who’s been up here?”
Either he didn’t hear me or didn’t deign to answer as was our new normal.
The reflection of moonlight off the snow gave off just enough light for me to insert my key in the lock.
I pushed the door open, and a rash of happy memories swept me into the past. How the kids had loved coming up here! It didn’t matter the season, if we had a long weekend, they begged to spend it at the cabin.
We’d brought them, along with their friends, at every opportunity. And if other family members happened to be there at the same time? We all just made room.
I huffed out a pleased laugh. Aaron and I had taken our first honeymoon up here. The heady sweetness of those memories provided a harsh contrast to where we now found ourselves and wiped the smile off my face.
I stomped the snow off my boots, unwilling to brave the cold floor in my stocking feet. Dropping my purse on a kitchen chair, I tromped through to the family room.
Thankfully, the wood stove was ready to go. I lit a match from the box on the sideboard and poked at the fuel inside until I was reasonably sure it would take. Whoever readied it did a good job.
I tilted my head to the side. It looked like Aaron’s work. I’d seen it often enough over the years. Were we the last to come up here?
Aaron pushed the front door open and set our bags inside before going back out to retrieve the groceries.
Like a well-oiled machine, we worked together to make the cabin comfortable for the next several days, or for however long it took to end what took near three decades to break.
I stocked the fridge with shaking hands while Aaron set the thermostat and brought the electric heater bags into the master bedroom.
Warm enough now to warrant shedding my heavy coat, I hung it up on a hook by the front door and hugged myself, briskly rubbing the outside of my arms to ward off the chill.
“It’ll warm up soon,” Aaron murmured from close behind me.
I tilted my chin down and to the side, almost breathless at his proximity.
Please touch me.
Please, please touch me.
I closed my eyes. He’d been my rock since I was seventeen years old. Every muscle and tendon in my body strained with the desire to lean back and fit myself against his chest.
“Nadine,” he whispered, his large palms cupping my upper arms.
I filled my lungs.
He continued, “It’s late. We’re both tired. Can we put everything aside for tonight and just be together?”
At my infinitesimal nod, he inhaled and drew my back against his chest. Dropping his chin to the top of my head, his hands ran down my arms to loosely loop around my waist.
I stood stiffly, expecting him to release me at any moment. But as the seconds ticked past, my resistance melted away and I sagged against him.
His chest expanded, his hold tightened, the sweetness of his exhale relaxing me further and opening my heart to the sweet seduction of his lips moving in my hair. “I love you.”
I wrapped my arms over his.
He sighed heavily, his breath tickling my ear. “I love you.”
I closed my eyes and pressed back against him.
His arms closed around me tighter. “I love you.”
I swallowed my tears and nodded before pressing my head back into his shoulder, tucking my forehead into the curve of his throat.
We couldn’t be over.
“I love you, too.”
He inhaled deeply, his hold loosening, hands shifting to my hips. “Can I make you a cup of tea?”
“I’d like that.”
With a squeeze, he released me, the loss of his warmth sending me scurrying to my usual seat closest to the wood stove. After months of hot flashes, feeling cold was almost a relief.
The cabin, that was really less a cabin and more a house that just happened to be built in the middle of nowhere, was long past due for a renovation. Max adamantly opposed making any major changes or updates and he had plenty of support from the rest of the family.
I didn’t mind. It was warm and comfortable as it was, its rustic edges softened with wide couches, fleece lap blankets, and an abundance of pillows.
The lines of the interior were timeless, the wide baseboards and sturdy trim, fitting.
Still, it wouldn’t hurt to give it a really good cleaning and maybe spruce up the paint.
Maybe Aaron and I could take on that project while we were here.
My heart sank, unsure if we’d be here that long until I heard what he had to say.
By the time he brought my tea, I’d mentally gone over my packing list, sold the house, and had my first encounter with his imaginary new girlfriend.
Because a man like Aaron would not stay single for long.
When he chose to take a seat in the chair across from me instead of on the couch beside me, my blood ran cold.
The shame of his rejection stung. I dipped my chin to hide my tears and my rage.
“Do you want to watch a movie?”
Slowly, I raised my head to glare at him. “Really? You drag me up here with no indication for how you’d like this little getaway to go and now you want to sit here and watch a movie like everything’s okay?”
He shook his head sharply, shifting forward to brace his elbows on his knees. “Nothing is okay. I know that.”
“What do you know?” I whispered. His words of assurance did not line up with his actions, and I’d learned long ago that actions were the more honest indicator.
For several, agonizing seconds the only sound was the crackling of the wood stove and the howling of the wind outside.
Finally, he dropped his head, his gaze trained to the floor. “Nadine, can I just hold you tonight?”
I sucked in a breath. “Are we over? Is this a ‘one last night’ thing?”
“No.” He shot off the chair so fast I drew back. Dropping to his knees in front of me, he braced his hands on either side of my hips and caged me in. “I fucking promise it’s not that.”
The light from the fire burnished his handsome face as his hazel eyes searched mine.
Unable to speak, I simply nodded.
And began to hope.
A sharp whistle slipped under the doorframe, rattled the windows, and sent a flurry of goosebumps down the back of my neck.
“Nadine,” he whispered, eyes steady on mine. “Can I touch you?”
The hesitation in his voice shook me. “You’ve never asked before…”
He replied just as quietly. “I’ve never felt like I needed to.”
My voice cracked. “Why do you feel like you need to now?” What had he done to warrant such trepidation?
His hands curved around my hips. “I’ve abandoned you for months. It would be unfair of me to expect you to welcome me when you don’t even have all the facts.”
My own hands curled together tightly in my lap, my fingers icy. “Have you been unfaithful?” I asked stridently, fear widening my eyes. It was so terribly unfair that just as my body was beginning to betray me, he was growing more handsome than ever. “In any way?”
Mouth tight, he shook his head. “No, not in any way.”
Truth shone in his eyes; their hazel depths clear. He’d never lied to me, never.
My heart swelled, the weight of my loneliness squeezing tight as I reached for his face.
“I’ve missed you so much.” My voice broke. “And I want you to touch me.”
Slumping back, he dropped his hands to my ankles and rested his forehead on my knees.
His hair, shot through with silver, only made him more intriguing.
I gave my itchy fingers free rein to tunnel through those soft strands, warmed by the blaze from the fire.
I barely noticed the changes brought by age, seeing him the same way I always had.
Only in photographs did I truly see him as he was now without the filter of our past.
He sighed, his back rising and falling with his deep exhale as his hands slowly crept up the backs of my legs.
My skin came alive under those hands that knew my body better than I did.
Finding the knots at the base of his neck, my fingers kneaded and soothed while his palms found their way to the outside of my thighs.
Awareness tightened my womb.
My hands flexed, the pads of my fingers reading the thick muscles of the shoulders I had leaned on for all my adult life.
The wood stove crackled and hissed, whispering of a hundred sweet memories and the echo of our laughter. Soothing my wounded heart. Loosening the tension in my body. Licking heat along the trail blazed by his hands.
Pushing closer, he kissed a path over my jean covered thigh until he reached the cradle of my groin. Digging his fingers into my hips, he nuzzled his face against me and breathed me in.
“I’ve missed you,” he muttered gutturally. “I’ve missed this.”
My thighs trembled with the desire to open wide and accept him inside.
My voice quavered with uncertainty. “Can we go to our room?”
With his customary grace, he rolled up onto the balls of his feet and pulled me up with him.
To my utter shock, tears pooled in his eyes.
“Aaron,” I murmured, pained, reaching to cup his face in my hands.
He shook his head as the first tear fell and dipped his face toward mine. “I’m so sorry for freezing you out.”
Until that moment, I didn’t realize how badly I needed to hear those words.
My foot found the first step to our way back.
My backed bowed as I pressed against him, the sob that had taken up residence in my throat, finally free. “I’ve missed you,” I gulped, holding him tighter. “I’ve missed you so much.”
Hands splayed wide across my back, he tucked his face into my neck. “I’m sorry, Dini. I’m so damn sorry.”
“Did I do something—”
He cut me off, squeezing the breath from my lungs. “You did nothing wrong.”
I pressed on, my arms creeping up around his neck. “You’ll tell me what’s going on with you?”
He nodded. “I’ll tell you everything. Just not tonight.”
“Will I be upset with you?” I asked, nagged by doubts.
“No. You won’t. But I’m so damn angry with myself it’s hard to accept anything less.”
“I’m sure it’s not—”
He squeezed his eyes shut; his face pained. “Please, Dini. Not tonight.”
I pressed my forehead to his wide chest and accepted his plea. “Not tonight.”
Linking his fingers through mine, he lifted my knuckles to his lips then ducked his head and led me to our room where he flicked on the electric heater before slowly undressing me, his lips following the plan laid out by his hands until I stood naked before him.
With a small smile, he met my eyes and trailed his index finger from the dip at my collarbone to my navel. “Still so beautiful. I remember the first time I saw you like this.”
I huffed out a small laugh as my heart trilled in my chest . “It was memorable.”
He grinned, the lines bracketing his mouth those of laughter instead of stress. “It was embarrassing.”
I reveled in the way his smile transformed his whole face and twinkled back at him. “It was…complimentary.”
Slanting me a warning glance, he grasped the collar at the back of his neck and yanked his sweater off over his head before dropping it to the floor. Holding my gaze his hands dropped to the fly of his jeans.
I shifted from one foot to the other. Even if it hadn’t been weeks since he’d last touched me, I would have watched just the same. Aaron stripping off the layers that kept his golden skin from mine never got old.
Stepping out of his jeans, his erection hung heavily between us.
He palmed my hip and backed me up to the wide bed covered in layers of Sage Ridge Resort fleece blankets, then crawled up onto the bed, his thick, muscled thighs splitting mine until he had me spread out underneath him the way he liked.
Aligning his body with mine, his palms cradling my head, thumbs caressing my hair away from my temples, he flexed his hips and entered me in one unyielding push.
My neck arched back at the hard, hot, intrusion. “Aaron,” I gasped, digging my fingers into his sides. It was too much too fast.
I tightened my thighs around his lean hips, dug my toes into the thick fleece as the branches of the evergreen trees outside flung themselves against the window.
“Shh,” he soothed. “It’ll be okay in a moment.” Dropping his mouth to mine, he teased my lips open and licked inside my mouth.
I gasped into his mouth, opening for him as his tongue languidly stroked mine. Joined to him, finally, after all those touchless nights.
Homecoming and grief combined.
His cock pulsed inside me, reminding me where and to whom I belonged.
His stubbled cheek rubbed against mine, the sweet familiarity dizzying.
“Oh, God, Aaron,” I cried out, my body finally yielding.
“That’s my baby,” he muttered gruffly and began to move inside me.
Working my hands up between us, I cupped his sweet face between my palms and gave myself over to his kiss. “Aaron,” I breathed as he moved inside me. “I’ve missed you; I’ve missed you so much.”
“I’m sorry, my baby. I’m so sorry,” he murmured, pressing sweet kisses to the corners of my mouth.
“Don’t leave me,” I whispered my greatest fear.
Both of his hands cradled my head as he drew back slightly to meet my eyes. “Never,” he promised, his eyes glossy. “Who would I even be without you?”
Gulping back my tears, I dragged his mouth back down to mine.
Messy, sloppy, tear-infused kisses, exchanging breath for breath, moan for moan.
His every kiss carried me further from my pain.
My eyelids fluttered shut, and Aaron’s steady pace began to stutter.
“Dini,” he rasped. “Get there.”
I nodded, eyes closed, tears momentarily spent, lost in the rapture of him inside me.
“Fuck,” he rasped. “Dini…”
My head fell back on a soft grunt, the sweet waves of my release washing over me as I pulsated around him.
“Yes, baby. Yes, baby. Yes, baby, yes,” he praised. With his forehead pressed to mine, he drove inside me, then, sealing his mouth over mine, he came with a violent shudder and a muffled sob.
I whispered his name like a prayer.