Chapter 8 Dreams
Dreams
Nadine
Aaron, my Aaron, was back.
The second morning at the cabin he brought me breakfast in bed.
With a smile.
This used to be an everyday occurrence when the kids were in school. In the morning, I was neither the best nor the brightest. If we had any hope of getting out the door on time, he needed to caffeinate me before my feet hit the floor.
By day four of our impromptu honeymoon, I expected it.
His warm chuckle announced his presence. “Hey, sleepyhead.”
“I’ve already got one eye open,” I mumbled, squinting against the morning sun streaming through the window.
“I see that.”
I pointed at the window. “That’s a punishable offense.”
His perfect lips curved in a sweet smile. “I’ll hold you to it. Shift over,” he murmured, leaning over to set the breakfast tray on the nightstand before lying down and curling his long body around my back. “Did you sleep well?”
“Very.” I’d slept better the past four nights than I had in well over a year.
Aaron’s swift shift back to himself did not instill me with confidence that it would continue once we got home.
We still had lots to talk about, lots to work through, but just being us after missing him for so long kept me quiet.
I didn’t want to unnecessarily rock the boat. “Did you?”
He pressed his mouth to my neck. “Yes. I didn’t realize how tired I was.”
I paused. “Should we talk about what’s going on at work?”
He stiffened. “What do you mean?”
My brows met in the middle. “Everything? Everything I don’t know, expanding on what you’ve already said.”
He relaxed and snuggled in closer. “I suppose,” he muttered. “Up here work, and all the shit that goes with it, seems so far away.”
“What kind of shit?”
He fairly bristled behind me, his frustration evident in his tone. “Lynda, for a start. I tried so hard to avoid firing her. She’s a single mom. I grew up with a single mom, I know how hard it is, but I was beginning to dread walking into the office.”
“Why did it affect you so much?”
He shrugged. “The hope and expectation on her face. It pissed me off and made me feel guilty at the same time.”
“Why guilty?” I asked more sharply than I intended. “Did you do or say anything to lead her on?”
Backing away from me, he got off the bed grumbling, “You need caffeine for this conversation, and I want to see your face while we talk.”
Frowning, I pushed myself back against the headboard, begrudgingly thanking Aaron when he stuffed the pillows behind me.
He handed me my coffee and then lay across the bed on his side.
“I can’t get into the ins and outs of her story, but I’m thinking you got the gist of it at the staff barbecue?”
I nodded, peering at him over the rim of my coffee cup as I took that first, life-affirming sip. I closed my eyes, inhaled, and tipped it past my lips. “Mm.”
When I opened my eyes, Aaron grinned at me. “My sleepy baby.”
“Hm,” I hummed and pursed my lips. “Your barista skills and your sweet talk are not enough to deter me from this topic. I know her husband left her. I know her child was bullied. And I know you helped him pro bono.”
His smile faded and he sighed. “Yes. I empathized with her. My sister went through periods of terrible bullying in high school. I witnessed my mom’s struggles firsthand when she was a single mom.
Lynda worked for Max and me and did a great job.
I just wanted to help but it got to the point where I couldn’t stand to look at her. ”
The muscles in his jaw rippled. “I still feel like if I could have been more patient, it would have passed, but I didn’t want to take that risk.”
“What risk?”
He grimaced. “Not a risk to you or us, but the risk that by tolerating her behavior I was inadvertently encouraging it.”
“Then you did the right thing.”
“Being right isn’t always comfortable.”
I studied him, noting the dark circles under his eyes. He wasn’t the only one who hadn’t been paying attention.
“You have a huge heart, baby, but imagine how the situation might have affected me? I’m not happy about it now and you’ve already dealt with it.
Can you think how upset I would have been if you allowed it to continue?
Especially knowing she’s the reason you haven’t been yourself all these months?
” I huffed in exasperation. “I have to come first. Our marriage has to come before everything.” I shook my head sharply.
“I still don’t understand why it affected you so much.
Most things roll off your back. There must be more. ”
I didn’t need his words to understand the conflict in his eyes. Anguish flashed in those hazel depths that usually sparkled with laughter.
“Aaron,” I whispered. “What is it?”
Dropping onto his back, he crossed his arms over his face. “I’m not sure I want to do this job anymore.”
He wanted to leave his job? “But you’ve always loved your work—” I cut myself off. “It doesn’t matter. If you’re that unhappy, you need to make a change.”
“There are too many people counting on me.”
“Aaron, you have to put us first—”
“I am!”
I blinked. Aaron rarely raised his voice.
“Don’t you think I am? Thalia is still working on her doctorate, Brandon is only halfway through his bachelor’s degree, the roof needs replaced, the furnace is about to go, and I haven’t even mentioned car payments and the fact that Max is counting on me so he can retire!”
The very thing that made Aaron Aaron, was the one thing that held him back. “You can’t make decisions for us based on Max and your mom.”
“They’ve done so much for us. We can’t discount that.”
I nodded. “They have. Do you really think they’d want you doing something that is detrimental to your mental health and our marriage?”
He inhaled deeply. “It’s not that simple.”
“I didn’t say it was.”
“Can we table this for now? I want to take you out. That’s why I woke you up.” He peeked at me from under his arm. “Can we just have another uncomplicated day of us?”
I nodded slowly. “We do have to talk about this.”
Rubbing his hand roughly over his face, he replied, “We will. Just not today.”
Two hours later, after getting ready and setting out, I began to laugh as Aaron took the exit to Mistlevale. “We’re going to Mistlevale? It’s halfway home!”
He grinned at me. “I know! But whether we drive an hour there and back from home or from the cabin, what does it matter? It’s a perfect day. We can’t waste it. And we haven’t gone in ages.”
“You’re a crazy man,” I accused with a smile.
“You can buy your Christmas ornaments,” he countered smugly.
Delight snapped my spine upright in my seat.
Every year I bought every single adult in our circle a new ornament for their Christmas tree. It was too much to buy everyone a present, but ornaments were easy. And oh, so pretty. I had my eye on a new one for my mother-in-law that was sure to make her cry.
I smiled to myself.
It wasn’t hard. Her heart was as big as Aaron’s.
Walking hand-in-hand through the Christmas-themed village tasted so much sweeter after the months spent in silence.
We popped into Ayana’s, the restaurant Aaron took me to on our tenth wedding anniversary when he gave me the ring he’d wished he could have afforded when we got engaged.
For the longest time, I couldn’t wear it.
How could I replace the ring he gave me when we were new?
Finally, he had it expanded slightly to fit my other hand. After that, I never took it off.
I glanced down at it as we sat down.
“How hard I worked to squirrel money away for that and you wouldn’t even wear it,” he teased.
I laughed. “I would have worn it if it didn’t mean taking off this one.” I wiggled my ring finger, adorned with the tiny diamond he first gave me.
His face softened. “You’ve never been difficult to please.”
“Oh, I am,” I retorted. “I’ve got very high standards. It just seems you meet all of them without any effort at all.”
“What do you want, Nadine?”
I shrugged. “Same as always, you.”
His eyes narrowed quizzically. “You don’t have anything else you want? No dreams?”
I jerked back, my stomach dropping for some unexplained reason. Dreams?
I mean, I had it all. Didn’t I? I began hesitantly, “I think I’m happy, baby.
I love our house, our kids, our family, the life we’ve built, and most of all you.
I just want you. If you’re good, I’m good.
” I paused, watching expressions I couldn’t identify cross his beloved face as he absorbed my answer.
I hesitated before asking, “Do you have dreams?”
“No.”
He looked away. Shaking his head, he continued quietly.
“But I’d like to.”