Chapter 40
CHAPTER FORTY
‘Actually, it’s two things,’ said Bex. She was still clutching the ring box.
Felicity sat forward in the armchair, holding her very favourite battered velvet cushion for comfort or protection, she wasn’t entirely sure which. The fabric was soft and worn and she ran her fingers across its surface as she waited.
‘Firstly, you know how you said this was rather out of the blue? Well, it’s not really. I lied when I said it had never happened again.’
‘You’ve been sleeping together?’ blurted out Felicity.
Bex nodded and looked up at her friend. ‘It’s happened a few times. We’ve… well, quite a few times actually. I’m so sorry, Fliss. I never meant to deceive you. I just, well, I couldn’t bear to lose you. And besides, he’s always been so mad about you that I honestly didn’t think it ever meant anything to him. Please don’t kill me.’
Felicity nodded slowly. She felt as though she was watching this conversation at a distance. Neither the Felicity sitting on the armchair nor the one watching from a distance had any idea how they should react.
‘You’re the reason he split up with Tabitha,’ she said, when she’d recovered the power of speech. ‘Adam told me he met some girl in a bar. The lying little toad.’
Bex winced, then nodded. ‘I was always the one he turned to, I guess. You know, his second choice. Sometimes third or fourth.’
It was Felicity’s turn to wince now.
‘I got used to it in the end. The sex was great and it just became a thing we did. Casual, like,’ continued Bex, hastily. Then: ‘I thought that was all I would ever be.’
‘So, what changed?’
‘Well, that’s the other thing I need to tell you,’ said Bex. ‘Adam is sick.’
‘I know, I was there.’
‘No, I mean, he’s really sick, Fliss.’
‘Well, you don’t get much sicker than collapsing in the middle of a conversation.’
‘No, I know, and that’s what I mean. The whole collapsing in the middle of a conversation thing is how they found the problem. They ran some more tests after you left and he has some kind of heart condition.’
Felicity felt a bit woozy. ‘A what?’
‘It’s something he was born with apparently, but it was never picked up until now. I was in the room when they told him.’ She sounded weirdly proud.
At least the Jack Skellington doctor had done his work. Her instincts were correct. Felicity felt both vindicated and terrified all at once.
‘And can they… I mean, is there anything… er… what’s the prognosis for something like that?’
‘They can treat it – to an extent. It makes him breathless and whatnot, but they think he’s had it for so long his body has learned to adapt. It probably wouldn’t have been found if it wasn’t for you… well, if you hadn’t been… well, if it wasn’t for your candour , shall we say? He’s had a fright, for one, plus he got such a telling off from the doctors and from me that he knows he needs to get his bloody act together and take better care of himself.’
‘Yeah, er… sure.’
‘And I guess the hospital made him re-evaluate things.’
The two friends looked at each other for a long moment.
‘Bex, I think I need to tell you something now.’
‘Is it about Guernsey? He told me all about that.’
‘Did he now?’
‘It’s fine, he explained everything. How funny that you both ended up over there at the same time.’
‘I’m not sure that’s exactly…’
Bex held up a hand. ‘It’s fine. Honestly.’
‘If you say so.’
This may have been the weirdest night of Felicity’s life. She moved across the room and sat next to her friend on the sofa. ‘Bex. Honey. I have to ask. Are you sure this is the right thing for you? And by “this” I do mean Adam, by the way.’
Bex smiled and nodded, but she had tears in her eyes. ‘Look, I know he’ll probably always love you to some degree, but I think we could make this work. He’s changed… I know it.’
‘Yes but don’t you think maybe he…?’
How could she say it? How could she say she thought he was just scared of being alone? That her and Bex were his last hope?
Felicity leaned forward and took Bex’s hands. ‘If this is what you want, I will support you one hundred per cent.’
Bex smiled and two huge tears rolled down her cheeks. ‘It’s what I want.’
‘In that case,’ said Felicity, ‘I think you should keep the ring. If that’s not too weird.’
Bex shook her head and started crying for real then and Felicity put her arms around her and gave her a squeeze, feeling her headache returning.
No way was she going to be their bloody bridesmaid.
There had been long weeks before. Long, tedious weeks. Many of them, in fact, throughout her life. Weeks when life was just an endless routine of getting up, going to work, coming home, and going to bed. When time had been slow, interminable. Verging on unbearable. But not like this. Now, when things were finally happening in her world, when she was finally starting to live again, life chose to be particularly cruel.
Time flew when she was with James. Actually flew. That wasn’t just a metaphor but a cold, hard fact. The minutes were like seconds. Just when you want life to slow down so you can appreciate every moment, that’s precisely when it decides to speed up and whizz past at a million miles an hour. And then, when James and Felicity were apart and she was absolutely desperate to see him again, desperate for time to fly, that’s when it slowed down so much it was like wading through thick, viscous mud. Or time still flew but it was full of nightmarish visions of her ex-boyfriend collapsing in a heap on the floor and having to spend the night in A&E and then meeting with her best friend for wine and revelations.
How was it possible that two measly days could feel like forever?
By the time Saturday finally ( finally, finally ) came around, Felicity was about ready to spontaneously combust. When James knocked on the door of her flat it was all she could do not to immediately fling the door wide and jump into his arms. She stood in the hall and counted to ten. Very quickly.
When she opened the door and saw him, she burst out laughing.
He was dressed as John McClane from Die Hard . Complete with dirty vest (very tight!), grey trousers, bare feet, police badge and (toy) gun holster. He had even smeared his face with what looked like army paint. The overall effect was funny, of course, but also incredibly sexy. Especially the bare shoulders. And the bare feet, for some reason. Hmmm. Never thought I was a feet kind of girl .
‘Well, hello there, officer,’ said Felicity, leaning against the door frame, trying to appear casual even though her whole body was tingling.
‘At your service, ma’am,’ he replied in a passably good New York accent. His blond hair was flopping over his eyes, and he pushed it back with one hand as he proudly presented her with a large bag of food with the other.
‘I got pizzas and beer. What else would John McClane eat?’
‘Twinkies!’ replied Felicity. ‘But I can live without those.’
‘Check the bag.’ James laughed, kissing her on the cheek and, pulling out his toy gun, he pretended to check the threshold, pressing himself against the wall of the hallway and then shouting ‘Clear!’ from the living room.
Felicity giggled and shut the door behind him. She peered into the bag. He had actually brought real-life Twinkies.
What else could they watch on such a night but Die Hard 2 ?
As they munched on stuffed crust pizza and cold Asahi beers, watching the ‘real’ John McClane attempt to take down an entire battalion of political terrorists in an airport with just his bare hands and a couple of flares, Felicity could not stop sneaking glances at James, who was sitting next to her on the sofa, apparently engrossed in the film. She was obviously trying to concentrate on the film too, of course, but he was just so damn close. She thanked the sweet Lord for her small flat – and even smaller sofa – and edged closer. Their hands were almost – almost – touching, and you could practically see the sparks flying between them. Felicity was just wondering if it was time to get naked yet when James turned to her.
‘So,’ he said, looking her right in the eye. ‘I have a very important question for you.’
Felicity’s heart did a backwards somersault. ‘Go on, officer,’ she said in a low voice.
‘Vest on or vest off?’
She laughed and began grabbing at it with her hands. ‘Definitely vest off,’ she said, pulling it over his head and running her hands over his perfect, perfect chest. The holster was the next thing to go.
Felicity woke up the next morning and even though it was still only February, it felt like the first day of spring. Unusually for her, a starfish sleeper mostly, she had slept all night nestled in the crook of James’ arm as if she had been made specifically for that spot. She cringed at how cheesy it all was, but she had even woken up with a smile on her face. An actual smile. James stirred as she traced a figure of eight on his bare stomach with her finger, idly.
‘Mmmmm, that’s good,’ he murmured.
‘Good morning,’ she whispered, the memory of the night before suddenly coming back in a rush and making her squirm.
‘Good morning yourself,’ he said, turning to kiss her forehead.
‘Let’s just stay here forever,’ she said.
He made an appreciative noise, moving his lips against her skin, and then leaned back onto the pillow, smiling a broad, happy smile. She took the opportunity to sneak another look at his Disney Prince chest and abs. Honestly, the man looked like Li Shang from Mulan with his clothes off. It had virtually taken her breath away.
‘What are you looking at?’ he said quietly, his eyes still closed, but his voice had a smile.
‘You,’ she replied guiltily.
‘Fair play. But it’s my turn next.’
Felicity playfully pulled the covers up to her chin and giggled as she felt his hands start to wander.
‘Okay, okay! One more time but then we really must get up.’
‘Sure, whatever you say, Crazy Cat Lady.’
They made love twice more that morning. And then once more for luck.