Chapter Sixteen Tom
Chapter Sixteen
Tom
“Can you just lighten it a touch more?”
Tom was at his favorite printers, going through all the work he had so far for the exhibition. He actually hadn’t seen his
photos on a larger scale for a couple of years. Normally he edited them himself on his laptop and emailed them off to whichever
magazine or brand he was working with. He hadn’t realized how different it would feel when it was his own work and it was
just for him.
Raj, the image editor Tom always used, had printed them all off at A1 sizing and stuck them up on the wall of his studio,
ready for Tom’s arrival. When he pushed open the door and walked inside, a rush of warmth filled his chest as he took in all
the giant images on display. He was sure an exhibition like this had been done before, but God it felt good to be surrounded
by happiness. Just like the laughter therapy he did, it was impossible to feel sad while looking at these photos.
He moved from one to the next, leaning in, taking in the detail, noting down adjustments.
The two elderly ladies on the bus were a bit too shadowed.
The trees in the background of his dad’s photo needed to be slightly less in focus.
The couple on the picnic blanket needed to be brighter so the red of the blanket popped more, enhancing the image.
His favorite photo of Stormy needed some fiddling around with contrast to bring out the color of the sky behind him.
Somehow, the only one that needed minimal change was the one from the ceilidh.
“Like that?” Raj asked, pointing at the photo of Sophie on his screen, tucked up in bed, head resting against the wall as
she laughed.
“Yes, mate,” Tom said, patting his shoulder and nodding. He was surprised how long it had taken him to find an image of Sophie
where her happiness was etched across her entire face. If you’d have asked Tom to describe her, it would have been the main
thing he’d have said. That she was always happy. That if he searched through his phone or on his laptop he’d have hundreds
to choose from. Actually the one that showed her the happiest was the one he’d taken of her on the beach in Byron Bay the
night he met her. Leaping into the air, taking up space and radiating happiness. He didn’t want to think too much about what
that might mean.
“These are really good, man,” Raj said now, turning to face Tom from his swivel chair. “How many more are you getting?”
Tom shrugged. “I guess I just keep going until a couple of weeks before and then get all the best ones ready.”
“Nice to see such different photos to your usual,” he said, turning back to his screen where Sophie was staring back at them.
“Yeah, I’ve really enjoyed it,” Tom said. “Well, other than . . .” He nodded toward the screen.
“True. She’s a regular face in this place,” Raj said. “I’m sorry to hear that proposal didn’t work out,” he added, clicking
his mouse over the picture. “That must have really messed you up.” He tapped his finger on the side of the mouse, not pressing
anything. “You know, I was once so heartbroken over an ex-boyfriend that I remember thinking it was a pain I would never ever
recover from. Like there would never be a day in the future where I would wake up and he wouldn’t be the first person I thought
about. It seemed impossible to me.”
“I know that feeling,” Tom said. The only reason he might not think about Sophie first thing in the morning was if he hadn’t slept and got straight onto the bus. And if he hadn’t slept, it was normally because he was already thinking about her.
“Well I bumped into him with my boyfriend, George, the other day and there was just . . . nothing. I felt nothing at all.
How mad is that?”
“Pretty mad,” Tom said.
“Like one day you might see this photo,” he said, nodding toward his screen. “And you might feel nothing too. She might feel
like a stranger to you. Someone from your distant memory who you once used to know. And it might hurt to hear that now, but
it won’t then. You won’t even notice. She’ll pass you and you’ll go ‘oh there’s Sophie’ and that’ll be it. No pain. No pang
in your chest. No longing or aching desire. Just . . . nothing. And that, my friend, is a mended heart. You don’t believe
me, I know, but I’ve lived it. It happens.”
“Maybe,” Tom muttered, looking at Sophie and knowing, for a fact, that Raj was wrong about her. He just hoped it wouldn’t
ever come to that anyway and that instead, somehow, he could get her back.
She had finally commented on his selfie photo. Daisy had been right. She’d taken days to do it and then there it was, just
one heart eyes emoji. She seemed to be dropping hints, but at the same time there had been nothing further from her after
the call about her shoes and wouldn’t things amplify after that, if she really was just phoning to hear his voice?
Later, when Tom turned up at Ralph and Tina’s house, he was relieved not to find what he was half expecting—an “old friend” of Tina’s who’d just happened to be “in the neighborhood.” Instead it was just the two of them and chili con carne heating up in the slow cooker, with a fire blazing in the sitting room.
Norah Jones was playing gently on the Sonos speaker system Ralph had proudly set up, and a bowl of crisps and hummus was on the table.
Tom plonked himself down on the sofa opposite the fire and closest to the crisps and Ralph appeared with two bottles of lager.
Tom had always loved visiting their place. It felt like home, possibly even more than his own home had ever felt like home.
There were photos of family and the two of them dotted about the place, mostly of them on their travels. Sydney Opera House.
Hobbiton. Leaning Tower of Pisa. That island where The Beach was filmed. The house was tidy and everything seemed to have a place, but there was also a lot of life you could tell was
lived there by the two of them. Shoes flung off in unusual places. A half-burnt candle. Two mugs on the table containing the
remnants of tea and some Celebrations wrappers. Indents in the sofa cushions. A fleecy blanket ruffled up in the corner. The
TV remote on the arm.
Ralph sat on the armchair to the left of the sofa, leaning forward to grab a crisp.
“Mate,” Tom said, shaking his head. “You’re going to burst out of that jumper like the Hulk any minute. Foxy better watch
his back.”
Ralph raised a finger to his mouth, pointing toward the kitchen.
“She doesn’t know Foxy is the goal. She thinks I’m just doing it for my own wellness.”
“Well whatever you’re doing it for, it’s working.”
“You should come along,” he said. “Help you lift that camera of yours.”
Tina wandered in with the largest glass of red wine and sat down. “You’re on the rice. Needs starting in ten minutes,” she
said.
“Did you taste test the sauce?”
“Yup. Added a tiny bit more chili powder and a bit more puree.”
“Perfect.”
“What’s this about you needing help lifting your camera?” Tina asked, turning to Tom. She’d always had such a kind warm face.
Tom had liked her from the moment Ralph started going out with her in school. She wasn’t an imposing presence, but she was
also entirely who she was. Authentic.
“Ralph’s winding me up about his muscles.”
Tom saw the flash of excitement on Tina’s face. “Tell me about it.” Was that maybe even a slight blush of the cheeks? That
couldn’t be possible, could it? That some slightly larger biceps could enhance an already beautifully solid marriage. Tom
turned to look at Ralph who raised both eyebrows and winked at him. If Tina hadn’t been there, he’d definitely have flexed
them again, but he was playing it down in front of her.
It wasn’t the biceps, he knew that really. Tina had fancied Ralph from the beginning, when Tom and his best mate were both
young scrawny kids with bad skin and squeaking voices. She deserved to enjoy a different version of her husband now, one who
was bettering himself to keep making her happy. That’s what everyone should be doing, wasn’t it? Not necessarily physically,
but just in general. Consistently trying to become the best versions of themselves and not giving up, because that was what
you owed the person you loved. Had he done that? He didn’t know, but Sophie was definitely responding to the changes he’d
been making since. Was it possible she’d just got bored of him? Even when he woke up every day thinking she was the greatest
thing that existed? Great, but crucially with flaws, obviously, as his dad had pointed out.
“Do you two think each other have any flaws?” he blurted out.
“Fucking hell, mate,” Ralph replied. “Trying to start a fight?”
“Where do you want me to start?” Tina said loudly, over the top.
“I can start with low-level annoying and build my way up? His farts stink. He’s a ‘that’ll do’ type of person, which means nothing’s ever done to a good standard.
For example, that speaker there.” She nodded towards the Sonos.
“It’s meant to link up to the other speaker in the kitchen, but could he be arsed to set that up?
No. He gave it one go, swore at the speaker as though it were the speaker’s fault and then said it was fine to use them separately.
And the chili con carne? Cooked it but won’t bother actually tasting it, so I have to add the final touches.
He’s late nearly every time we meet up, but has never once been late for work.
He leaves toenail clippings on the bathroom floor, and every time he messages to ask if I want something from the shop, he won’t check his phone again to see if I’ve actually replied and comes back without what I’ve asked for. ”
Tom felt his body turn rigid. He shouldn’t have brought it up. It was such a stupid question, especially after the last chat
he’d had with Ralph about how he didn’t want to lose Tina. Now she had a whole list of reasons to leave, and Ralph was bound
to be upset. Who wouldn’t be?
“Oh whatever,” Ralph said. “That’s just a list of things that irritate you and, by the way, she could go on all day with those.
Flaws are different. Flaws are like . . . I don’t know . . . Always needing to be right?” He slowed his voice to enunciate
each of the last five words, as he raised one eyebrow at Tina. She rolled her eyes and shrugged.
“Fair. That’s me and I normally am right. Which, some might argue, makes it a superpower rather than a flaw? Rice,” she shouted at Ralph who jumped up as though
he’d heard a gunshot.
He walked around the table of crisps and hummus to where Tina was sitting and bent down, kissing her on the mouth. “You aren’t
always right, but I love you anyway.”
Apparently then, flaws were something couples embraced. So why couldn’t Tom think of any?