Chapter Twenty-One Daisy
Chapter Twenty-One
Daisy
Daisy didn’t need a message from Tom to know what had happened, but when it arrived, just after three hours into her shift,
she wasn’t surprised.
She wants me back!! Your plan worked!!
She saw the text and swallowed down the shame of the words she never got to say. She’d been so caught up in the moment, going
too method in her role as his fake girlfriend and fizzing with both champagne and a mistaken confidence in herself having
seen Tom’s photography, that somehow she’d convinced herself it was something more than it was. For a fleeting moment she’d
believed there were feelings there on both sides, and if she hadn’t already snapped herself out of that by morning, Tom’s
message did.
Staring at it, she pressed down on the speech bubble with her thumb, selecting the thumbs-up.
What had she been thinking? It had all come at her in a rush as she stared at that photo of herself and heard the mutterings
of what she now knew was the Dalai Lama, daring her to take a risk. Some risk that would have turned out to be.
Moving to her photos folder, Daisy scrolled back through images until she found one of her favorites of her and Zack, faces pressed together smiling at some celebratory drinks post a padel tournament Zack had won a couple of years ago.
She set it as her phone screensaver for both her locked and unlocked screen, replacing an image of their garden during sunset.
Whatever crazy world she’d been living in was over now.
She was about to get married and she’d known from the very start that all Tom wanted was his ex-girlfriend back.
That was literally the sole reason why the two of them knew each other.
Sophie had done Daisy a favor, interrupting her chat with Tom when she did.
Saved her the pure humiliation of getting too carried away in the moment and blurting out mixed-up feelings to a man who’d only ever been honest with her about loving another woman.
And now he had her. They had done what they set out to achieve, so it didn’t matter that Daisy was disappointed when the bus pulled away from Angel Station with no Tom in sight.
It didn’t matter that Daisy felt like her heart was being pulled from her chest as the bus moved farther from the spot where Tom usually stood.
None of it mattered, because Daisy had a wedding to prepare for and the chances were she wouldn’t see Tom again until that day.
It was probably for the best. Things needed to return to the way they were before Orlando came into her life and turned it upside down.
She sat at her desk filing stories about a popstar who’d lost his driving license and a celebrity chef whose restaurant had been shut down.
Clara sat opposite her, editing some audio.
Once Daisy had felt Clara’s eyes on her, but when she looked up, Clara looked away.
There was such an emptiness within Daisy that when she saw her phone light up again and looked down at it, it took a moment to register who it was.
She was expecting a photo of Tom with his tongue down Sophie’s throat or some smug photo of the two of them in front of the giant photo of Sophie’s face.
Worse still, in front of the photo of Daisy.
Anything that was further evidence of how happy they were.
Instead, as she finally took in the name on the screen, her heart thumped hard against her chest. Dan.
It was flashing. It wasn’t a message, it was a call.
“Oh my God!” she shouted and Clara couldn’t help but look up then.
Daisy answered, and ran from the room.
“Oh my God!” she said again, this time into the phone. “Dan?”
There was a pause. Had he called by accident? She held the phone away from her to check he was still on the line. That she
had a signal. That she hadn’t muted herself. “Dan, are you there?”
“I’m here,” he said.
“Oh thank fuck for that.” Tears stung her eyes and she didn’t bother wiping them away. No matter how many times she’d told
herself that she knew he was okay, one email wasn’t enough to really prove it. Now, hearing his voice on the other end of
the phone, Daisy realized that she hadn’t necessarily believed he was safe. She just had to keep telling herself it was the
truth because any alternative was too difficult to swallow. “Where have you been? What’s going on?”
“I’m sorry,” he replied. It was him. It was definitely him, except . . . he always sounded so light. So full of joy. This
Dan sounded very much the opposite. His voice matched her mood. “I’ve had a lot to deal with, but I’m okay.”
“What do you mean? Are you safe? Dan, please . . .”
“I’m safe. I’m going to come home and I’ll explain it all then. I just had some big realizations and I needed some time, Daise.
I needed to deal with it.”
She frowned. None of this sounded like Dan. Dan didn’t have anything he ever needed to deal with. He was the one who was always smiling. Who made everything light and easy. Who never complained.
“What kind of stuff?” she asked and she heard him breathe out into the phone.
“You know what stuff, Daisy. If you really think about it, I know that you know.”
A horn blasted from outside the window on the street below. Daisy sat down on the sofa, a chill racing down her spine. She
wouldn’t let herself go there. She couldn’t. She was at work and had a job to do, but also it might not be what she thought.
It might not be what her brain first jumped to.
“Let’s talk when you get home,” she said. “When do you think it’ll be?”
“Before Christmas. I’ll come for Christmas.”
“Okay. I’ll get you from the airport.” She didn’t want Dan to feel like she’d dismissed him. She needed to think of something
else to say. “Can you just tell me you’re alright?”
“I’m good,” he said, breathing out. “Or, I’m . . . changed, I think?”
“He goes away traveling one time,” she said before switching tone. “Sorry. I’m happy for you. I mean I love you for you already so I hope you haven’t
changed too much, but . . .”
“Daise . . . more to the point, are you okay? You sound a bit fucking unhinged. You sound like you’re mid some sort of breakdown. I go away one time . . .”
Daisy laughed. She’d missed him. The easy way he picked up on her jokes and joined in on them. How well he knew her, even
over a phone call.
“I’ve missed you so much,” she blurted out. He was used to it.
“I’ve missed you too. But seriously, are you alright?”
“I think so. I don’t know,” she added, honestly. “A lot’s been going on.”
A voice shouted Dan’s name in the background. A voice she didn’t recognize. Which she wouldn’t, because he was in America with other people, all of which she didn’t know.
“I’ll be there. Give me a week and I’ll be there. Okay?”
Daisy bit down hard on her bottom lip, tears filling her eyes. She hadn’t realized how much she’d needed him until right that
moment.
“Promise me,” Daisy said. “Please promise you’ll come back?” She looked up to see Clara approaching the doorway at those words.
“I promise,” he said. “I wouldn’t miss your wedding, Daise. Mum would do a terrible job of walking you down that aisle.”
She opened her mouth to respond, but the call had already cut off. He was gone.
Daisy threw her phone onto the sofa and dropped her head into her hands, relief flooding through her. She couldn’t believe
it. Right when she needed him most, her little brother was coming home. She was happy so long as she didn’t think about what
it was he was bringing back with him.
An arm wrapped its way around Daisy’s shoulders as another familiar, once-distant voice filled her ears.
“It’s okay,” Clara whispered, taking a strand of Daisy’s hair and pushing it behind her ear. “I’m so sorry I haven’t been
there for you,” she said, as Daisy froze, staring into her palms. “Leisha’s had a real go at me, I was just hurting from what
you said and I needed a bit of time. And the other stuff I said . . . It’s only because I care so much. It’s because I love
you.”
Daisy lifted her head, ears ringing with all the different events of the day. Mostly the relief of it all, that flowed through
her body, calming her.
“Right back at you with all of that,” Daisy said, a small smile forming as she turned to her.
“God I’ve missed you, you idiot,” Clara blurted out, pulling Daisy close and squeezing her the way she always used to.
“It is so hard not knowing every little detail of your life. And I’m sorry about Zack, but maybe it’s for the best?
In fact . . .” Clara reached into her back pocket and pulled out a card, handing it to her.
Carol Dickens
BACP Therapist–Trauma Specialist
“Maybe it’s time you focus on you, a bit? She’s around the corner from the office. I stopped by there weeks ago, when we weren’t
talking. I just think you have to see someone else, Daise. Even just to understand if your feelings were real. Or to keep
working through your family dynamic with someone else. Everything else can wait.”
“Thank you,” Daisy said, putting it in her own back pocket. “But why are you saying sorry about Zack?”
Clara pointed to Daisy’s phone. “Because he’s . . . left? I mean, I heard—”
“Oh no, that was Dan. He’s coming home,” Daisy said, a fresh rush of adrenaline filling her body as she remembered.
“Ah.” Clara glanced away to the door and back again. “So the wedding . . . ?”
Daisy thought of Tom and the feeling of his hand in hers. The feeling of him quickly letting go the second Sophie appeared
beside them. The photo of herself and Zack on her phone.
“Very much still on,” Daisy said.
“Right,” Clara said, closing her eyes for a second. “Good news about Dan.”
“The best! And . . . Leisha?”
“She’s booked her flight,” Clara said, her own eyes lighting up. “She lands the morning of your wedding, so I guess . . .
we’ll be there.”
“That’s great,” Daisy said, her voice sounding as dull as Clara’s did at the mention of the wedding.
By the time Daisy let herself back into her flat after work, she didn’t have the energy for anything except throwing herself
down on the sofa. She briefly thought about picking up Orlando and then remembered there was no need for it and her body fell even heavier into the cushions beneath her. Just like that,
that chapter of her life was closed. No more detective work. No more planning on the bus. No more Tom. It was getting silly
anyway with all the late nights out and hiding things from Zack. Daisy didn’t recognize that version of herself, and there
was a reason for that. It’s because it wasn’t who she was. As much as she wanted to be, she wasn’t the person who stared back
at her from the wall of the exhibition yesterday, alive and happy, filled with light. Somehow Tom had made her believe that
version of herself was possible, and that was actually the most embarrassing thing of all. Again, she silently thanked Sophie
for stopping something she hadn’t even wanted to start.
“Anyone home?” Zack shouted when he’d closed the front door behind him.
Daisy cleared her throat. “In here,” she forced out, pulling herself up with as much energy as she could muster, listening
as, like always, he removed his shoes with the shoehorn and placed them on the rack before walking with gentle footsteps toward
her.
“Hey,” he said, his face filling with warmth as he took her in. “There she is. There’s the Daisy I know and love. It’s unusual
to find you at home these days.”
“I know,” Daisy said. “I’m sorry. It won’t be anymore. I’m tired of being busy.” Tired of life was probably more accurate
but it would require too much in the way of an explanation and she didn’t have that in her. Not after everything that had
happened.
“Good,” he said. “It isn’t good for you. You need more of a quiet life after everything you’ve been through.”
Daisy’s chest tightened.
“It’s that Clara. She’s a bit of a bad influence on you, I think. Nights out. Expensive lunches.”
Daisy, until only recently angry at Clara herself, jumped to her defense. “It isn’t her. She just supports me.”
“And I don’t?” he bristled, shoulders rounding.
“I didn’t say that.”
“Okay, sorry. Tiring day.” He leaned down to kiss her on the lips, resting there for a moment, his focus slowly shifting to
the side of her. “What’s this?” Zack picked something up, holding it in the palm of his hand so Daisy couldn’t make out what
it was. She pulled herself further up, but still he was standing over her.
“Carol Dickens. Why have you got this?” he spun the business card Clara had given Daisy around, showing it to her. “A trauma
specialist? That’s what I am. You’ve got me permanently! For free rather than the extortionate rates she probably charges.
I’ve always been here for you, you just haven’t been around.” He leaned toward her and instinctively she flinched. She tried
to still herself before he noticed, but he frowned, leaning back. “What was that? I wasn’t going to hurt you. I would never.”
His brow furrowed, eyes watery as he looked down and away from her.
Daisy’s head started to spin. “I know. I’m sorry.”
“Just talk to me.” He sat down, softening his voice as he took Daisy’s hand.
“This only works if we keep communicating. Remember what I’ve always said?
” The tone of his voice shifted, as he placed his other hand against his heart.
“You were this trapped little bird in a cage when I met you and I’ve spent every moment since trying to help you spread your wings.
Trying to help you fly. You’ve got to let me help you.
I told you that stepping out of your comfort zone wasn’t good for you.
Doing all this new stuff. It’s okay to be little predictable Daisy.
It’ll keep you safe. And you have me,” he added. “You always have me.”
“I know I do,” she said, squeezing his fingers. He squeezed back and she took in his face. When he was sympathetic, the way
he was now, his brown eyes were so warm.
“We don’t need anyone else. We’ve got each other. Other people mostly suck.” He smiled at her and Daisy thought of Clara and
Tom and Dan. Three people she could immediately name who didn’t suck. Who far from sucked. She opened her mouth to say as
much.
“So I think we can chuck this, can’t we?” Zack said, holding out the therapist’s card that Clara had given her and handing
it back to Daisy who put it back into her pocket. “Unless there’s something you’re not telling me?”
Daisy shook her head, finally able to be honest, because now that Tom was back with Sophie there really was nothing to tell.