Chapter 26 #3
“I was about to tell you before Mirvol interrupted,” I admit quietly. “I think I can help with the wither, because up until very recently, I lived in the Citadel.”
Alaris watches me, unmoving. He’s not going to free me from this moment until I speak.
“My name isn’t Lyra. And it isn’t Portia.” I curl my hands into fists at my sides, nails biting into my palms. “It’s Lysandra. Lysandra Ignaros.”
My name feels strange to say out loud after months burying the truth inside.
The silence that follows is only punctuated by my heartbeat. It pulses in my ears, my wrists, the base of my throat.
“Ignaros.” He repeats the name carried by the emperor and his descendants. His gaze searches mine, more intent than I’ve ever felt it. “You’re Lysandra.”
The low way he says my name makes my skin prickle. I force myself to hold his gaze, my throat tight. “Yes.”
“The emperor’s youngest daughter.” It isn’t a question. He knows the names of the royal family.
I wince, my shoulders pulling in. “I’m not going to warn him about your plans. I really came back to help.”
“I didn’t ask if you were.” His voice is low. “What I do want to know is: why are you here, Princess Lysandra?”
“Just Ly is fine,” I say, swallowing.
“Then, Ly, why are you here?”
“I…thought my life was in danger,” I simplify. “So I ran away.”
His brows draw together. I hear how it sounds: I got scared and fled my life of leisure.
“I didn’t mean to trick you,” I stutter. He’s so still I’m not sure he’s breathing. “That’s why I thought Drina was reporting on me…”
“From what?”
“What?”
“What did you run from? What was the danger?”
The question twists something in my chest. I want to tell him. I want to tell him about the fear that struck me at midnight, the certainty that chased me down the river, the dreams that gave my fears form. But the dreams never resolved my biggest questions.
“When you learned Lord Norville’s house was no longer safe, you could have asked me to take you back to the palace,” he presses. “Clearly, you were worried enough to stay away.”
How do I explain a threat that I can’t prove is real? How do I make him understand what I barely do myself?
“There is a…man.”
“A man.”
“I thought a man was trying to kill me.” I shake my head again. More details will only lead to lies. “If you have a problem with me being here, I’ll leave. But I’m not going back.”
For a moment, I think he’ll insist on answers. But instead, he curls his hands into fists, and tucks them behind his back, exhaling through his teeth.
“Alright. I’ll leave that, for now,” he says. “But you don’t understand what you are asking to help with. What I’m planning will not sit well with the emperor’s daughter.”
“I already told you I’m not going to warn him…”
“You can still stay here, Ly.” His tone softens. “The hawks adore you. Nothing else has to change.”
“I’m not going to hide in the aviary!” I bristle. This feels just like the afternoon the townspeople arrived, when he tried to send me away. “I saw the people of Culdridge—”
“I’m going to kill him, Ly.”
I go quiet.
“I’m going to kill the emperor. That’s the only way to stop the wither.”
I blink. Now I’m the one who can’t find my words, and when I do, the only word is, “No.”
“Ly…”
“You can’t,” I ramble on. “He’s the emperor, Alaris. He is the most powerful divinial alive.”
“I know what he is.”
“Then you should know you can’t win.” My voice is climbing and I force it down. I’ve seen my father char men to ash without rising from his seat. The rumors are that in the wars, he and Emperor Illio boiled fields of mortal combatants, armor offering no defense against flame. “It’s impossible.”
“Then I’m going to do the impossible.” His face is unmoved, the conviction in his tone absolute. “Still want to help?”
No matter how strong Alaris is, he’s no match for the half-divine emperor, his allies, and his armies. If my father learns a whisper of Alaris’s intentions, he’ll be burned alive in the Crimson Square, along with every member of the arastorian line, and anyone who has ever seen that map.
I need to involve myself, if only to talk him out of this.
“Yes,” I say, meeting his eyes. “I still want to help. I just…want to ask one thing of you first.”
He waits.
I clear my throat. “Day or night, anytime, if I ask you to open a shadowgate and take me far away, you’ll do it.”
He studies me. “Why?”
“No questions, please. Just promise me.” I’m going against my instincts to stay in place, but Alaris’s promise of help is the next best thing to having the stone in my pocket. If everything falls apart, if the masked man closes the distance, he can be my way out.
He looks like he wants to ask more, but he restrains himself. “Alright. If you ask, I will.”
“Okay then.” My hands unclench and my shoulders ease. “Let my first act of help be to tell you this is a terrible idea.”
He smiles. “Your counsel is much appreciated, Princess.”
“Ly. Before I help you kill my father, or more realistically, die in the process, how can you be sure that’s the only way to stop the wither?”
“A fair enough question, Lysandra Ignaros.” He turns toward the door to his dressing room. “Come with me.”