Chapter 57 #2
My lips part. I wish I could talk to her now. In every life I remember, there was the same distance between us. Maybe now that I feel a bit older, there’s something I could say that would close it.
The emperor downs his cup and holds it out. A new server, one I’ve never seen before, scurries forward with a pitcher. His hands are shaking; he’s being too careful not to spill. A little slow.
My father’s fist tightens on the cup, but the server manages to finish and slink back, unburned. Strange…
Then the emperor stands, and the hall falls quiet. “You may have noticed some other unexpected company in our midst.” He gestures in an arc with his wine. “Welcome to the Sovereign of Arastos, and his travel companions. With Princess Lysandra’s return, I’ve made a decision about her future.”
I grip my hands in my lap. No one in the hall so much as breathes, all eyes fixed on the emperor.
“I’m pleased to announce the illustrious and sun-strong blood of Ignar will be joined in marriage with the blood of Arastor.” He pauses, letting the court absorb his words. “I’ve approved the betrothal between my daughter, Lysandra, Princess of the Dawn, and the Sovereign of Arastos.”
I tamp down a burst of emotions in my chest, fear and nerves warring with sparks of bright elation. We did it. He accepted the engagement.
Murmurs and gasps break out around the room.
Usually, it would be dangerous to make sounds while my father still stands, but I think this is his intended effect.
Even my late arrival was part of his theater.
He’s just turned my disappearance into his greatest victory: a betrothal to a sovereign.
To an outside eye, it would look as if this was all his plan.
“Join me in toasting the new couple.”
I can’t stop my eyes from going to Alaris as shaking fingers find my cup. His mouth curves up slowly, his chin lifted, the picture of happy confidence as he takes a sip. Everyone in the hall lifts their wine, the chatter picking up. The emperor bangs down his goblet and sits.
“Are you pleased, Lysandra?” he asks, making me jump in my seat.
In the life I sat beside him in spring, he never actually spoke to me during the meal. I compose my face, setting down my wine without taking a sip.
“Yes, Father. I’m very happy.”
“All that matters is your flame-bearing heirs,” he says, before I even finish. “Tomorrow, I’ll give a blessing before the Eternal Flame to make sure it comes to pass. The sovereign will take you to Arastos to be married. You must insist on having the wedding right away. The day you arrive.”
“Yes, Father,” I say, but he’s already straightened to peruse the room, not requiring my confirmation.
He’s in a rush too. He must be worried Alaris will change his mind, given the lord of night’s reputation for flightiness and his love of many women.
I also see another reason why I’m up on this dais away from the crowd. Courtiers make no secret of the topic of their conversations, eyes and gestures directed at me. If I were seated anywhere among them, they would ask questions.
My answers might not match my father’s account of my absence.
I don’t even know where I supposedly was for my health these last months, or what he claimed ailed me. Keeping me at a distance from them is the wisest move. He means to hurry me through the blessing and spirit me away before the illusion cracks.
Good. That means we are both in a rush to get me wed before anyone looks too closely.
As the servers produce the final sweet course, I sense the heat of eyes that aren’t usually on me: my brothers.
I’m sure they’re all reeling at the idea that their invisible sister might factor into their power games.
They’re probably trying to figure out what this wedding means for them, and whether my gain is their loss.
Marus’s expression is wary, and Jasper sneers at me over his wine when I catch his eye, but I get a lifted goblet from a bleary-eyed Borin. He must be between two and six cups.
When the first chords rise and nobles begin to pair off, a young lord approaches, eyes bright, hand outstretched in invitation.
I barely see it out of the corner of my eye as my father flicks his fingers. A cruel lick of flame snaps in the air between us, knocking away the lord’s hand with a red mark he is smart enough to endure with a hiss and quickly hide.
My father laughs, accompanying the sound with a burst of heat. “You mean to dance with the princess when she’s promised to another?” he says, loud enough to reach every ear nearby.
The young lord pales, bows stiffly, and folds back into the crowd.
There is nothing unusual about dancing with someone who is betrothed or married. It’s clear my father intends to keep me isolated until the end of the evening.
Alaris rises like a shadow. “Your majesty,” he says, bowing low. “Then may the one she is betrothed to request a dance?”
My father draws out the silence before responding. “Why not? Enjoy a dance with your bride.”
Alaris walks around the long head table, his eyes on me the entire time. My heart thrums in my chest with every step. We did it, we did it, we did it.
But I maintain my careful mask as he extends his hand up to me, and I delicately take it. Most of the room is watching as he guides me down the steps. Thankfully, I don’t stumble.
We step onto the floor. He holds me with a hand at my waist, my palm in his. The touch is formal. It’s harder to be mindful of how I’m allowed to touch him than to not touch him at all.
But then the music swells, and the rest falls away. We move together like we’ve practiced this, turning and stepping in time. My lilac skirts swirl when he spins me out, and my heart leaps when he whips me back in.
His voice is quiet against my ear. “How are you?”
We step out.
We step in. “Just fine,” I mutter.
He twists me into the next turn, never missing a beat.
He takes a liberty on a dip, leaning down to my ear. “I’ll come to your room tonight. You shouldn’t be alone.”
“No,” I say quietly but firmly. I barely move my lips. His eyes meet mine, searching. I do my best to look encouraging, even though I know tonight will be miserable. I give him the barest head shake. We’re almost there.
He nods, almost imperceptibly, and practically lifts me off my feet in the final steps, guiding and turning me in the dance. I let him sweep my body away to the music. For a moment, it’s just us, whirling in a haunting song.
The orchestra draws out its final note. Our steps slow. Our hands part. I steal one last look into his eyes, and I swear they flash silver, so fast it could have just been the candlelight.
I curtsy and he bows, then I stiffly return to my father’s side, summoning every ounce of control not to look back.
Seran escorts me to the Sunrise Palace, and I’m relieved to see guards are still posted on either side of my door.
Yet, as soon as I’m alone in my room, I feel the same panic that inspired me to run. I sit on the edge of the bed, then stand again. My jaw aches from clenching. I press my thumbs into the hinges the way Alaris showed me, but as tight as they are, the pressure just hurts.
I can only hope my mother sees the wisdom of patience. The masked man must still be on his way. With any luck, she’ll plan to have him catch me after I leave, like she did when I set off to marry in Nyvos.
I don’t bother to pull the bell for maids, unlacing the dress myself. I slip on my white nightgown. Staring down at the lace hem, and my bare feet on cool marble, I’m thrown back to my life before, as if I never left.
I inhale and catch roses in the air.
I whirl around, searching the surfaces. My room doesn’t always smell like roses. It must be the ones in my hair.
I pull the pins and hold my breath as I remove the flowers.
But even though I’m not breathing, the scent fills my nose anyway.
The room tilts.
I right myself, dizzy. It’s happening again. Another life.
It’s like a spell, pulling me down.
I really thought I was done. I don’t know what unlatched more memories—if it was a delayed effect of the oraculi or simply being back in this room.
Just wait, I beg, staggering to the bed. I’ll let you come, just wait.
There’s no stopping it. The ceremony is tomorrow, so I need to get through this tonight. Even if it means a night spent in feverish memories instead of sleep.
I can do this. I’ve managed to get through the memories alone before. I take my last breaths in the present and close my eyes.
And I wake up.