Chapter Five #2
“Oh my god, Ryan, why didn’t you call me?” Amanda said. “Are you going to the hospital now? I’m coming with you!”
Ryan didn’t have the energy to ask why she had come by in the first place, and he had no reason to reject her company. He let her follow him to his car, and Marco drove them to the hospital.
When they arrived, they found Callie at Damian’s bedside. She had fallen asleep, and her head rested on the bed. Ryan approached her and gently woke her. When she saw him, she stood and embraced him.
“No change?” Ryan asked.
“No,” Callie said, holding back tears.
She felt like she had been crying for days. She looked over at Amanda, who was carefully assessing Damian’s monitors and the IVs he was connected to. She insisted she would find a doctor and quickly left the room.
“Ryan, we need to talk,” Callie said. “Damian’s parents found him and began directing his care.”
“Fuck,” Ryan sighed. “And?”
“I don’t know,” Callie said. “No one will tell me anything anymore. I think his parents told them to stop talking to me.”
“OK, stay here,” Ryan said.
He left the hall and found Amanda arguing with a nurse.
She was not very polite, demanding to see Damian’s file.
A doctor was watching the exchange and quickly approached the desk to intercept Amanda.
He pulled her aside and spoke with her in a conversation Ryan couldn’t overhear.
Whatever the doctor was saying seemed to calm her down.
“What was that about?” Ryan asked when Amanda returned to him.
She explained that the doctor was someone she knew well; they had attended medical school together.
He confirmed that Damian’s parents had come to the hospital and said he was shocked by how uncaring they were toward their son.
They had insisted that the hospital not share any medical information with anyone other than themselves.
He also confirmed that, at this point, they hadn’t asked for anything else regarding Damian’s treatment.
They hadn’t stayed long and hadn’t said when, or if, they were going to return.
“He did say that if he felt he was being pressured not to treat Damian properly, he would let me know,” Amanda said. “He doesn’t have to follow their directive if it’s not in Damian’s best interests.”
“Sure,” Ryan replied. “But how long can Damian stay like that before the hard decisions need to be made?”
“Ryan, he’s still healing,” Amanda explained. “Tests show he can still recover.”
“With no permanent damage?”
Amanda didn’t reply, and Ryan had his answer.
She didn’t know, and they wouldn’t be able to tell for certain unless Damian woke up.
Ryan felt the walls closing in. He hadn’t expected Damian’s situation to affect him so strongly, but his head was spinning as he tried to bury his emotions and stay focused on finding out who had done this to Damian.
Now he was also worried he would have to go to court to remove Damian’s parents as medical decision-makers.
But he couldn’t shake the idea that he might lose someone he cared about again.
“Ryan, are you OK?” Amanda asked, staring at him with concern.
“Yeah,” Ryan lied. “Just a lot going on.”
The next morning, Ryan went back to work, while Callie confirmed she would visit Damian first. He struggled every time he went back to the hospital, but he immediately regretted choosing work as an alternative.
He was having panic attacks, and trying to immerse himself in work no longer helped.
Things felt too familiar, and as each day passed, he found it harder to control his anxiety.
He was rushing to his office when he passed the boardroom and heard George call for him.
Ryan stopped and found George meeting with Edward.
“Mr. Kline asked if you were available,” George said as Ryan stood in the doorway. He didn’t want to talk to George or Edward; he just wanted to get to his office and be alone.
“I’m sorry, but I really need to make a few phone calls. Could we meet for lunch later this week?” Ryan said.
Without waiting for a response, Ryan left them and rushed to his office.
The thought of interacting with anyone at that moment was terrifying.
He needed to get behind closed doors before he completely broke down.
He slipped into his office without further interruption, then sank into his sofa.
He realized he was shaking, but he couldn’t control it.
His tie felt like it was strangling him, so he pulled it off and dropped it on the floor.
He didn’t realize he was hyperventilating and crying, and when someone knocked at the door and entered, he didn’t notice.
“Ryan, what’s going on?” Edward asked as he shut the door behind him.
“Nothing,” Ryan replied, quickly wiping away his tears.
Edward continued to stare at him, and Ryan couldn’t hold back; he began to cry again. Edward took a seat beside him and put an arm around his shoulder.
“I can’t lose someone again,” Ryan said through tears. “I shut everyone out for two years because I couldn’t stand the thought of losing someone again. And as soon as I let people in, it happens again.”
“Who are you losing?” Edward asked, confused. “Callie?”
“Not Callie,” Ryan confessed.
There was a long silence as Edward decided what to say next to Ryan.
“Ryan,” Edward started. “I don’t know what you’re going through or why, but you need to talk to someone. Don’t suffer alone. I’m here for you. You know you can trust me with anything.”
Ryan took a deep breath, trying to steady himself. He trusted Edward completely. Edward had welcomed him into his inner circle and given him experiences that most people would condemn as wrong. Edward was likely one of the few who wouldn’t judge him for his feelings.
“It’s Damian,” Ryan confessed. “He was in an accident a few days ago and has been in a coma since. We’ve,” he paused. He wasn’t sure how to describe their relationship. “We’ve become close friends.”
Ryan tried to control himself and not sob like a baby in front of Edward. Edward waited a moment while Ryan composed himself again.
“I don’t know what you’re feeling right now,” Edward said. “But yes, caring for people can hurt sometimes. It shows how important they are to you.”
“I’m not good at relationships,” Ryan replied. “I spent more than two years deliberately pushing people away so I wouldn’t have to care about anyone.”
“And that worked?” Edward challenged. “Did it make you happy?”
Ryan wasn’t happier, but he wasn’t hurting either. He wanted to admit how he felt about Damian, but saying it out loud was too hard. If he couldn’t even admit it to himself or to Callie, how could he ever explain it to Edward?
“I barely survived my wife’s death,” Ryan said. “I’m terrified of feeling that way again.”
“I’ve realized something about losing the people we love,” Edward replied. “It never gets easier, but we grow stronger.”
“I’m tired of trying to be strong,” Ryan said, wiping away his tears again.
“You’ve been the one supporting everyone else,” Edward observed.
“Let me be someone you can lean on. I know your father isn’t around to do that, and I imagine your mother has her own sorrows to work through.
A lot has happened in a short time, Callie, your father and now Damian. If you need someone, I’m here for you.”
Ryan thought about his offer. Edward seemed to understand things Ryan hadn’t even admitted to himself.
Ryan realized he wouldn’t be reacting this way if he and Damian were simply friends.
His feelings went beyond friendship, and he finally had to admit it.
If Edward was the only one he had the courage to confide in, at least he had someone.
“Ryan, I don’t need to tell you that life is short,” Edward said. “But I do need to remind you that this is your one life to live. And you shouldn’t be ashamed of who you want to share it with.”
“People keep telling me that,” Ryan admitted.
“I have spent a lot of time observing people,” Edward continued. “I recognize people's true desires, even when they don’t want to admit them.”
Ryan nodded, appreciating Edward's ability to understand him without him needing to say anything. Ryan took a deep breath and explained how Damian was hurt and what his condition was. He didn’t tell Edward about his attraction to Damian, but he felt he didn't need to, Edward knew.
“Do you know who hurt Damian?” Edward asked cautiously.
“Damian was being threatened. The messages were made to look like they were from Blake Ryder,” Ryan admitted. “He’s involved in a lawsuit against Damian. The police questioned him and are sure it wasn’t him. But I can’t think of any reason anyone else would want to hurt Damian.”
“I don’t think it was Blake Ryder,” Edward said bluntly. “There are some very upset people because they aren’t making any money from Damian.”
“You think the Night Service tried to kill him?” Ryan asked, shocked.
Edward nodded, and Ryan thought he might be sick.
Why would they go after Damian? He had never betrayed them; he had left to protect his health.
He couldn’t be the first to resign. Callie had, but that was different; they knew she was in a position to expose them and Lawrence in a terrible way, so they let her go quietly. But going after Damian made no sense.
“Why would they do that?” Ryan asked. “It can’t just be about money, can it?”
“I don’t know for sure, but you could be right. It may not have been just about money,” Edward speculated. “But who else would have known to look for him at Annie’s place?”
“Why was he at Annie’s?” Ryan asked. He knew Callie had found it odd that Damian had been with Annie, but they never pressed the issue.
“All I know is that Annie was off for health issues,” Edward replied. “I have my suspicions. She wasn’t sick, and she wasn’t in rehab.”
“She was hurt,” Ryan concluded, and Edward nodded. “Did he do it again? My father? Did he hurt Annie?”