Chapter Eight
Damian returned to the city without Amanda.
She had stayed in Queen’s Isle to watch over Ryan.
Damian was furious with Callie and also felt betrayed.
She had messaged him dozens of times, but he wasn’t ready to speak to her.
He silenced her number so he wouldn’t keep getting alerts.
He blamed her. He knew how easy it was for him to convince her to sleep with him when Ryan left for Australia.
He had seen how drunk Ryan was at the party, and Ryan had admitted they had fought.
But for Callie to go to Marco instead of him didn’t make sense.
He felt he didn’t know her at all and had misjudged her completely.
He concluded she had gone to Marco because he was with Amanda.
Though that hadn’t stopped Ryan from doing what they did in the pantry.
Ryan was another matter. He had confessed his true feelings, but he had been very drunk at the time.
It felt like everyone Damian cared about was self-destructing, and he didn’t want to be in the middle of it.
What he had with them was gone, and he knew he wouldn’t be able to get it back.
He decided he needed to get away from Ryan and Callie and the emotional chaos that came with them.
After weeks of polite friendship, Damian had decided to move on.
Then, in a drunken stupor, Ryan reignited those feelings and sent Damian into a new emotional spiral.
As much as he cared for both of them, he knew he would be no help in their current situation.
Perhaps it was time to consider moving on.
As he recovered, he had time on his hands and began applying for paramedic jobs again.
He had lost his job after the verdict found him liable, but that was in a small town where everyone knew each other, and he understood why they let him go.
In the city, or anywhere else, he might be able to hide his history.
A response to one of his applications had come back.
They were clearly desperate and asked for an interview as soon as possible.
It was in a small town about an hour outside the city, a place Damian hadn’t heard of until he submitted the application.
Now he saw it as a desirable option. He would be in a town where no one knew him, and he could have a fresh start. He quickly agreed to the interview.
He checked his phone and found eighty-two missed messages and calls from Callie. He deleted them all and tossed his phone back on the table. Then it rang, showing a call from Amanda, which he answered.
“How’s Ryan?” he asked.
“Not good,” she replied. “I gave him something to help him settle down and get some sleep. Have you spoken to Callie? I’d love to hear what that bitch has to say.”
“No,” Damian said. “Though she’s tried to reach me, I just deleted all her messages. There’s nothing she could say to justify this.”
“Thank you,” Amanda said. “Thank you for siding with Ryan. Honestly, I wasn’t sure you would. She seems to have a way of getting her hooks into men.”
As angry as Damian was, he didn’t like Amanda saying those things about Callie. He wanted to believe at least that their friendship was genuine. But maybe Amanda was right. Women tend to judge each other better, especially when sex blinds men.
“I’m going to bed,” he lied. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”
He ended the call and started looking at more job openings, but now outside the state.
Ryan left for his cabin in the middle of the night.
He left a note for Amanda and Beth to assure them he was OK but needed some time alone.
He shut off his phone and didn’t want any connection to the rest of the world.
He took every bottle of alcohol he could find in the house, which was a lot, since there were many leftovers from the party.
It was midday when he reached the cabin, and he regretted going as soon as he arrived.
The place reminded him too much of Callie.
He grabbed a bottle, not even looking to see what it was, and started to drink.
He hadn’t slept all night, but he made it halfway through the bottle before he passed out.
When he woke, he resumed drinking. He finished the selection from the day before and then started on a second.
It was another bottle of hard liquor, and he soon found himself on the floor, watching the ceiling spin.
He blacked out, and when he woke again, he had no idea what time or even what day it was.
He was still drunk. He hadn’t slept long enough to get hungover, and he continued his binge.
At one point, he realized he couldn’t remember the last time he had eaten, then he realized he didn’t care.
In those first few days, he was lucky not to have drunk himself to death.
One day, he woke at two in the afternoon and thought he had given himself alcohol poisoning.
He spent the day leaning over the toilet, heaving.
He thought he might die. He debated calling Amanda, but then he didn’t care whether he survived.
When he woke up almost twenty-four hours later on the bathroom floor, completely dehydrated and covered in dry vomit, he realized he had hit rock bottom.
After rehydrating and eating a little, he decided to venture outdoors.
He hiked up the mountain and sat, taking in the view, for most of the day.
Below him was a lake. For some reason, he had never swum in it but he wanted to now.
He worked his way down the hillside until he reached the shoreline.
He stripped off his clothing, shivering slightly in the cool autumn air before diving into the water.
It was colder and deeper than he expected.
He swam toward the middle of the lake, then let himself sink.
He stayed under the water as long as possible.
When his lungs began to burn, he pushed himself to stay longer.
Just before his body convulsed, he forced himself to the surface, gasping for air.
He filled his lungs and repeated the process, challenging himself to stay under longer each time.
After the third attempt, he realized he was nearly too weak to surface and struggled to reach land without drowning.
Once ashore, he lay on his back, finally giving his body the air it desperately needed.
But his mind was clear. He didn’t want to die, and he knew that if he continued his behavior, that would be the outcome.
When he returned to the cabin, he gathered every bottle of alcohol and poured them out.
Ryan repeated the hike every day, extending it each time.
After the first couple of trips, he decided to pack food and a sleeping bag and continued through the night.
When he was too tired to go on, he pulled the sleeping bag over himself and fell asleep against a tree.
On the next trip, he decided to stay out for two nights.
Then he packed for several nights. Being in the forest with minimal provisions forced him to think, but he decided to shut himself off again.
He was tired of the emotional rollercoaster that came with caring for people.
Edward had temporarily convinced him that caring made him happier, but Edward had been wrong.
Ryan didn’t want to feel this way again, weak and out of control, and he would make sure he didn’t.
He would throw himself into his work. It was what he was good at, and it was all he really knew.
He would forget the last few months, with Callie, with the sex parties, and with the increasingly risky behavior.
Then Damian came to his mind. He had confessed to Damian how he had felt, and even though he was drunk, he had meant it.
But that didn’t feel right anymore either.
Despite how he had felt about Damian, Callie always seemed to be an important link, as if the relationship wouldn’t work unless it was all three of them.
He had lost track of the days and was unsure how long his last stay in the forest had been. When he ran out of food, he decided to return to the cabin. But upon returning, he found it surrounded by police cars. He rushed toward the house, unsure what was going on.
“Ryan!” he heard Amanda yell, and suddenly he was violently embraced.
“Amanda, what the hell is going on?” Ryan demanded.
“We haven’t heard from you for over two weeks!” she shouted. “We’ve been searching for you for days! Where have you been?”
“Camping,” Ryan replied, annoyed.
“You look like you’ve been living in the forest as a vagabond for a decade,” she said, staring at him. “You’re a mess, and you stink.”
“I’m fine,” he assured her, as well as several of the police officers watching the reunion.
The police took a formal statement from Ryan and, after a while, left, happy to close their missing-person file. Since it was late in the evening, he had invited Amanda to stay, the drive back would take her several hours.
“I didn’t overreact!” Amanda protested as they prepared dinner. “You’ve been gone for more than two weeks.”
Ryan considered her position and realized he had been unfair. Of course, she would worry. He hadn’t even charged his phone since leaving Queen’s Isle.
“I’m sorry,” he said, hoping it would keep her from yelling at him again.
He also received a lecture from his mother when he called her.
When Amanda confirmed she had found him, Beth demanded to hear his voice.
He then received a similar lecture from George, who must have felt compelled to assume a fatherly role.
George also said that Edward Kline had been asking for him and insisted that Ryan call him as soon as he returned.
“Damian and I broke up,” Amanda said while they ate.