Chapter Eight #3
“Ryan, you can’t just leave her believing this is her fault,” Edward said more gently, recognizing that one of Ryan’s motives was to protect Callie.
“Why not?” Ryan challenged. “I obviously can’t protect her. She's safest away from me.”
“You honestly believe that?” Edward argued, growing angry again. “You know her. She would torture herself over this. You can’t let her live her life believing this was her fault!”
“What would you have me do?” Ryan replied. “Tell her she was drugged and forced to cheat on me because I was stupid and threatened the Night Service? Then she comes back, and we live in terror, wondering what they will do next?”
“Now you’re being a chickenshit!” Edward snapped. “You’re trying to find any excuse not to look for her. You’re pretending you don’t care about her or need her. Fine, if you won’t try to find her, I will. Is it better if she hears it from me?”
“Maybe it is,” Ryan threw back.
“Are you serious right now?” Edward objected.
“You knew I wouldn’t survive another loss,” Ryan reminded him. “I hate feeling that way. I agree it’s not Callie’s fault, but why would I put myself in a situation where I might feel that pain again or cause her pain?"
“Is it really that easy for you to forget her?” Edward asked. “You’re a coward for taking the easy way out.”
Ryan stayed silent. He knew Edward was right.
Ryan was trying to take the easy way out.
Finding Callie and Damian would put them back in danger, but they deserved the truth.
Leaving them to believe a lie was cruel.
Ryan needed to own up to his role in this disaster.
But even if he did, it didn’t mean he would allow himself to feel for them again.
Reluctantly, he admitted to Edward that finding Callie was the right thing to do and that he might know how to find Damian.
“You can’t shut down again,” Edward said. “That’s not how to live.”
Ryan didn’t respond. Ryan tried to tell himself that everything Edward had said changed nothing and that he didn’t want to care.
But it had changed things. He already felt it; the wall he had put up was crumbling, and he barely believed the lame excuses he tried to give Edward.
Edward sensed Ryan was losing his resolve and pressed on.
“Go back to the memory of the first time you saw Callie,” he encouraged Ryan.
“Just think of that moment and how you felt. You admitted to me that she was the reason you began to change. You opened up again, just for her. Yes, you’re hurting, but you know now it’s not her fault.
You were happy with her, with both of them. ”
He reluctantly started thinking of Callie, and Edwards' words forced forward his memories of the first time he saw her.
She was making coffee and deliberately delaying orders for rude customers.
He was fascinated by her subtle retaliation, and in that moment she had captivated him.
He still loved her, and he slowly realized that not being with her hurt more now than when he thought she had cheated on him.
Tears stung his eyes, and he saw Edward suppress a grin.
“When I tell them the truth,” Ryan said. “They will have every reason to hate me.”
“But they won’t,” Edward replied.
“And how do you know that?” Ryan demanded, tears streaming down his cheeks.
“Have I said anything this evening that was wrong?” Edward challenged. Ryan shook his head. “I’m never wrong.”
“Fuck you,” Ryan said, but he meant it in jest, as he wiped the tears from his eyes. He knew Edward was right.
Ryan’s first thought was to find Marco, not Damian. He wasn’t ready to face Damian yet. Yes, he was being a coward, but he wanted to make amends with Marco and get his friend back.
Marco hadn’t disappeared and was easy to find.
He was home alone. His wife had left him after hearing about the circumstances surrounding his dismissal.
Marco had been a loyal friend for more than ten years, and Ryan felt terrible for the repercussions Marco was facing.
Marco’s house was just outside the city.
Ryan didn’t call ahead to warn Marco about the visit.
If Marco had answered, Ryan doubted he would have been invited.
It was midday when he arrived at the house, but he saw Marco’s car in the driveway. He knocked and waited. He noticed a camera pointed at the door and knew Marco was watching him. After a moment, he knocked again.
“You have to talk to me, Marco,” Ryan said into the camera. “I won’t leave until you do.”
“And I can call the police and have you arrested for trespassing,” Marco said as he opened the door. He wore jeans and an old T-shirt; he looked hungover and hadn’t shaved or showered in days. Ryan’s heart sank as he realized how much his friend was suffering.
Marco frowned at Ryan but looked ready to defend himself. He seemed to believe Ryan had come to confront him.
“I’m sorry,” Ryan said quickly, and Marco froze, staring at him, confused.
“What the fuck are you talking about?” Marco said. “Look, I don’t expect you to forgive me, but you have no reason to be here, especially if you’re going to mess with me.”
“It wasn’t your fault,” Ryan continued. “You were set up.”
“I know we were set up,” Marco replied forcefully. “You think I didn’t know that?”
“Why didn’t you say anything?” Ryan asked, confused.
“It doesn’t change the fact that I fucked your girlfriend,” Marco snapped.
Ryan shrank back. He knew this wasn’t their fault, but the fact that it had happened still hurt. He wanted to forget it, blame the people who were truly responsible, and pretend he didn’t care.
“How did you know?” Ryan asked.
“Well, for one, I would never have willingly cheated on my wife. And Callie would never have cheated on you. But there were condom wrappers all over the nightstand,” Marco explained. “I’m allergic to latex. I’m pretty sure I’d be dead if we’d used that many condoms.”
Ryan remembered Marco’s allergy. He had noticed the wrappers but hadn’t thought about it at the time. He was too furious with them to process anything else. Mr. Wilson’s plan couldn’t have worked better.
“It’s more than just the staged room,” Ryan continued.
“You’re not telling me anything I don’t already suspect,” Marco replied. “I was there when you threatened those people. I figured they had done something, but I don’t know how.”
Ryan pulled out Callie’s lab results and handed them to Marco. After Marco had a moment to read them, he explained what each medication meant and how that level would have left her completely unaware. He also told Marco about Edward’s date and about her confession.
“And you were drugged as well,” Ryan concluded.
“My wife left me,” Marco stated, sadly.
“I can talk to her,” Ryan offered.
“It doesn’t matter,” Marco said. “Her bag was already packed when I got back to the house. She didn’t even want to talk about it.”
“I’m really sorry,” Ryan said. “I just wanted you to know it wasn’t your fault. If you want your job back, it’s yours.”
“No, thank you,” Marco replied.
“Marco,” Ryan started to protest.
“Ryan, even if you forgive me for sleeping with your girlfriend,” Marco continued.
“How could I possibly come back to work for you after that? You paid me to protect you and Callie. Now you have confirmation that the people I was supposed to protect you from are responsible for all this. I failed at my job.”
Ryan realized Marco’s anger wasn’t directed at him. Marco was angry with himself. Despite Ryan’s actions and the drugs, Marco still blamed himself.
“Marco,” Ryan protested. “You said it yourself. I made your job harder. And it didn’t help that I was being an idiot that night.”
Marco stared at him, and for a moment, Ryan thought Marco might see it his way. Then Marco shook his head.
“It’s a no, Ryan,” Marco repeated. “I can’t even look at myself. I certainly can’t look at you, or, god forbid, at Callie again. But thanks for coming by."
Ryan sat in his car, staring at Marco’s house for a long time.
Marco was in pain, which meant Callie was likely somewhere, devastated.
People couldn’t just turn off their feelings, and Ryan knew he was lying to himself, thinking he could.
He didn’t want to care. Yes, he wanted Callie and Damian to know the truth, but he didn’t want to be in love with either of them anymore.
He knew that if he saw them again, his walls would come down.
Ryan drove away, knowing what he needed to do next.
He had avoided it for too long. He just wasn’t sure how Damian would react.
It had been over a month since Damian accepted the new job and moved.
Fortunately, they needed someone right away, and he was available.
He stayed at the only hotel the small town had to offer for the first week.
Then he found an apartment in an old mansion converted into several rental units.
His new boss introduced him to the landlord.
Apparently, this was the kind of town where everyone knew everyone.
But Damian liked it. It was small and quaint.
People were friendly, and he was happy with his decision to escape.
He and Amanda had a clean break. Thankfully, she had no interest in a long-distance relationship, and they agreed to end it.
She didn’t even ask where he was going, and he hadn’t heard from her since.
He had tried to reach Ryan before accepting the job and again before moving, but there had been no response.