Chapter Eleven
Ryan woke up in a hospital bed. He vaguely remembered driving with Damian.
He had been in so much pain and felt like he was suffocating.
Somehow, Damian had managed to save him.
He tried to recall what had happened before that.
Callie was upset with him and told him to leave.
Ryan now believed that going to find her had been a mistake, not because of his injuries but because of her reaction. And truthfully, his.
“Do I have to implant a GPS in you?” Amanda said, entering the room and interrupting his thoughts.
“I’m sorry,” Ryan replied.
She took a seat in the chair beside his bed and stared him down.
“Your mother is beside herself,” she continued. “She’s been here for almost two days while you slept. I finally convinced her to go home and get some rest.”
“I’m sorry,” Ryan repeated, and he really was. He hadn’t meant to worry anyone again. “What’s happened? The last thing I remember is being in the car with Damian.”
“He called me,” she explained.
She detailed how she had picked him up by helicopter to bring him back to the city. They assessed him and found he had broken ribs, a concussion, and a bruised lung. They expected he would fully recover, as long as he rested properly.
“What the hell were you doing that far north?” she demanded. When he didn’t respond, she drew her own conclusions. “You were with Damian,” she stated. “Which means you were likely with Callie as well. Except she wasn’t in the car with you, and she hasn’t reached out to check on you.”
“We were with Callie,” Ryan confirmed. “But she didn’t know Damian had taken me to the hospital.”
Amanda sat quietly as Ryan explained the reason for the trip and what had happened. But as he explained it all to her, he felt like a fool. He should have just left her alone. She had been happy and was healing.
“Those were her test results you showed me?” Amanda asked, and Ryan nodded. “Ryan, what are you thinking? Are you seriously going to get back together with her?”
“It wasn’t her fault,” Ryan objected.
“I agree, but you are not safe with her,” Amanda protested. “Her past employers are terrible people.”
“Also not her fault,” Ryan replied.
“No?” Amanda challenged. “She’s the one who went to work there.”
“Amanda, I really don’t want to have this conversation,” Ryan said.
“Fine,” she conceded. “Get some rest. I’ll come check on you in a bit.”
Ryan wasn’t tired, and he certainly wasn’t the kind of person who could just lie in bed.
His mind was racing. He replayed the reunion with Callie a dozen times.
She was upset, even after he had told her the truth.
She wasn’t angry with him, as he would have expected.
Instead, she was still angry with herself.
She had explained why, and he had reacted when he hadn’t meant to.
She had confessed her guilt; she had enjoyed what she and Marco did.
When Ryan heard that, it felt like being punched in the stomach.
Ryan didn’t have long to dwell on it. His mother arrived.
She alternated between hugging him lovingly and reprimanding him.
Eventually, she asked what the purpose of the trip was.
He didn’t know how to fully explain it to his mother.
He couldn’t admit to her that he was being threatened by the escort agency that had once employed Callie, and they had set up what had happened at the party.
He just told her he had gone to find Callie.
When she heard that, Beth shared her opinion on the matter.
Ryan knew that anything further he could share with her about the circumstances would only make it worse.
He sat quietly as his mother continued to smear Callie.
He wasn’t listening because he didn’t want to get angry with her, but he did realize one thing: his mother would never accept Callie, even though Callie was blameless.
Eventually, he told his mother he needed to rest. She agreed to leave, and he was exhausted.
It was likely the lingering effects of the concussion, but he felt he had depleted his energy for the day.
When he woke again, it was evening. The room was dim, but he could see someone seated, watching him.
“I was about to leave,” Edward said. “You’ve been asleep forever. George told me you were in the hospital.”
“Yeah, your great idea almost killed me,” Ryan said resentfully.
“What happened?” Edward asked.
Ryan found himself once again explaining what had happened on the trip. Except he was resentful toward Edward. If it hadn’t been for Edward, Ryan would never have thought to look for Callie. But at least he knew Callie didn’t want him.
“I risked my life saving her,” Ryan concluded. “But she still rejected me.”
“She loves you,” Edward insisted. “And clearly you love her.”
“But that doesn’t seem to matter,” Ryan objected. “It’s not enough. There are dozens of reasons why it’s better for her and me to stay away from each other.”
“What did you do?” Edward accused. “Why couldn’t you convince her to come home with you? Had you just saved her life!’”
“I told you everything,” Ryan lied. He had left out the part, when Callie told him she had enjoyed the night with Marco, and he almost vomited.
Edward looked at him sadly. Ryan could admit he wanted Callie. He probably could admit he wanted Damian, too. But the relationship was too damaged, and he didn’t see a way to get back to what they had.
“Well, it sounds like you’ll have a few days to think about that,” Edward said, getting up. “It seems they intend to keep you here a bit longer.”
Edward was right. Ryan had plenty of time to think about it.
The doctors restricted his activity and kept him from using electronic screens because of the concussion.
He spent most of his time sleeping and healing, but when he was awake, he could only think of Callie and Damian.
He stopped himself from reaching out to Callie.
He didn’t know what to say. But he did send a text to Damian during a rare moment Amanda allowed him to use his phone.
He thanked Damian for taking him to the hospital and credited him with saving his life.
Damian’s response read: It’s really hard to stay mad at you knowing you were that hurt.
In the conversation that followed, Damian confirmed he hadn’t reached back out to Callie either.
The brief exchange with Damian challenged Ryan’s self-consciousness, and he once again felt his confidence waver, as it always did when he thought of Damian.
But he realized he missed feeling that way.
Maybe he could reconcile with Damian, but he was still certain Callie would continue to turn him away.
Edward reappeared on the fourth day of his hospitalization. By then, Ryan was so bored that he welcomed Edward's company, even though he was still mad at Edward.
“And how have your days of reflection been?” Edward asked, smirking.
“It doesn’t matter,” Ryan replied. “She sent me away. Just seeing me gives her pain.”
“No,” Edward argued. “It’s not the sight of you. It’s the guilt over the pain she caused you. She doesn’t believe she’s worthy, and she’s punishing herself.”
Ryan closed his eyes and was pulled back into the memories of the hurricane. Callie had run into the storm because she couldn’t bear the thought of how she had hurt him. As Ryan held her in the doorway, his only instinct was to protect her, and that feeling hadn’t left him since.
“I know you don’t want to see her punished,” Edward continued, seeing Ryan’s reaction.
Ryan felt the familiar sensation of a panic attack beginning, a reaction rooted in his fear of losing someone.
He thought he could survive alone, indifferent to others.
However, the loneliness of being apart from Callie grew so intense that it was impossible to ignore.
He no longer wanted to live in a world where he woke knowing she was in pain and where he lied to himself that he was better off without her.
“How do I make her feel differently?” Ryan asked. “I’ve already told her this isn’t her fault.”
“She needs to be able to feel it from you,” Edward replied. “You have to let it go. You can never flinch when she touches you, you can never waver in your conviction that you forgive her, and you have to make sure that every time she looks into your eyes, she only sees how much you love her.”
Ryan leaned back, running his hands through his hair. The images were still burned into his mind. Even though he didn’t blame Marco and Callie, the thought of them together was painful. He knew Callie would never come back to him if he couldn’t get past it. Tears started to sting his eyes.
“The situation was out of your control,” Edward said. “But how you react to it, that’s completely up to you.”
Ryan held back a sob. He wanted her back. He wanted everything back. Her and Damian. Their friendship, but also their intimacy. They were what made him happy, and he didn’t want to think of a life without them. Edward took his hand and held it tight as Ryan tried not to break down.
“I need her,” Ryan confessed once he composed himself. “I honestly can’t imagine my life without her.”
“Then that’s all that matters when you see her again,” Edward said. “Gullrock is still without power,” Edward told him. “And their supplies are running low. I was going to send provisions to them...”
“Let me take care of it,” Ryan replied, and Edward smiled.
The work on the transformer proved more challenging than anticipated, and the town was warned it would take time because parts needed to be ordered and shipped.
But the men didn’t leave. They continued surveying other damage and repairing lines on the street and in homes.
Joel said this was usually handled by county workers, but the men seemed to be following orders to give Gullrock priority service.