Violet #2
‘Point one,’ he said, his teeth chattering.
‘You’re like nobody I’ve ever met before– you’re funny and frank, you’re clever and decisive and loyal to a fault.
You feel things deeply and you take things seriously.
I adore that about you. Point two. You make me feel like I can be myself– or maybe even a better version of myself.
I don’t have to pretend. And for someone who has spent much of his life pretending, that’s incredibly refreshing.
Point three. You make me happy. You make me so happy.
Subclause three B. Being without you makes me utterly miserable, even when it’s only been twenty-four hours. ’
She could feel the corners of her mouth turning up into a smile and wrestled with herself to keep her lips in a neutral line.
‘Point four. On a logarithmic scale where y is how much I like you and x is how much time I spend with you, the growth curve would be exponential.’
‘I’m not sure that’s mathematically possible,’ she said, unable to stop herself.
‘It’s very complicated theoretical mathematics, Violet.
Ask Marvin. Point five. You are happier when you’re with me.
I’m sorry to show off, but you’re asking for facts and that’s a fact.
Point six. I love you. Point seven. I think you love me– that’s less evidence-based and more a hunch, which isn’t quite so scientific but?—’
‘Okay,’ she said, interrupting him before he could reach the end of that thought.
‘You’ve made quite a compelling case– I’ve got to hand it to you.
Lesser women would have succumbed by now.
’ She watched his face fall, and briefly registered that this was one of those instances where description matched reality, Gus’s optimistic eyebrows and forehead really did seem to drop as he realised that a ‘but’ was coming.
‘But,’ she said, predictably. ‘I know you’re a charmer.
I know that you know how to win someone over, how to flatter their ego and appeal to their better nature.
So, how do I know I can trust you now? How do I know that you won’t break my heart despite both your best intentions and your charming and flattering words? ’
He now looked crestfallen– which was a less literal phrase although she thought it probably referred to chickens. Did cockerels have crests or was it geckos? Anyway, his face registered his disappointment before he spoke again.
‘I guess there isn’t a way of proving it to you right now,’ he said, hands spread out by his sides. ‘If I come up with a convincing explanation then you’ll just think I’m saying what I want you to hear.’
She nodded. ‘It is quite the conundrum.’
‘But I could prove it to you over time,’ he said slowly. ‘Couldn’t I? If you gave me another chance– I could show you that you can trust me. No fancy words. No complicated flattery. No charm. In fact, I promise to be utterly charmless…’
‘You don’t need to go that far,’ she said.
‘I promise you,’ he said, ‘that from this day forward, I’ll always be honest with you. If I have doubts, I’ll share them with you. If I’m not happy about something, I’ll tell you. If you ask me a question, I’ll answer it honestly– I’ll be as faithful to the truth as I will to you.’
‘I thought you said no fancy words? That sounded pretty fancy. Like a vow.’
‘Yeah. Well, it is sort of like a vow.’ He laid his palm to his chest, his expression completely serious. ‘I hereby solemnly swear that I, Gus Jovic, will abide by every rule in the Violet Winters code of conduct. At all times. Forsaking all others. For ever and ever. Amen.’
‘I don’t really know whether to let you in, throw you out, or appoint you as a knight of the realm,’ she said.
‘It is quite the conundrum,’ he said with a tiny smile. ‘But if there’s anyone I know who likes to get stuck into a knotty, complicated problem, it’s y?—’
‘Shhh,’ she said, turning slightly in towards the warmth of the house. Strobed lighting was flickering through the doorway of the sitting room and a loudly chanted countdown had just begun. Gus looked at his watch.
‘It’s nearly midnight,’ he said as a snowflake landed on his nose. ‘Is this just a bit too corny for you?’
She considered him for a long moment, this warm, kind, handsome, charming man and wondered whether she could take a chance on him.
Was she brave enough to bend her rule this once?
Did she maybe owe it to herself to try and step outside the boundaries of her own rigid relationship guidelines?
After all, change was a scientific phenomenon, matter existed in a state of perpetual motion, and hypotheses were there to be tested, tried and rethought when new evidence came to light.
Many of her own theories had been tested this week: the one about there being little benefit to engaging with patients had been disproved by Mr Zeller; the one about how sharing her fears and anxieties would cause problems had been disproved by Anjali and her own mother this afternoon; and the one about her being so difficult to work with that there was no point in making an effort with colleagues, because they’d never understand her, had been disproved by Cindy.
Sometimes, in the interests of scientific endeavour and discovery, a risk was worth taking.
Sometimes the rulebook needed to be ripped up and a much more experimental approach taken.
She thought she was probably up to the task.
She took a step forward into the snow and on tiptoe leaned in to kiss Gus, the warmth of his lips against hers making her mouth tingle and her head spin. From the house behind them there was an enormous roar of Happy New Year and deep in the city the cathedral bells began to peal.
‘Yes,’ she said. ‘It is a bit corny.’ She kissed him again. ‘But problems are there to be solved, and even the most hardened scientist deserves her own fairy-tale ending.’