Chapter 42
CHAPTER 42
JESSY
I walked away.
Despite Luke’s request to stay, I made a decision that will probably turn out for the best – for both of us. Luke doesn’t need another problem in his life. He is not in the right frame of mind to start something before he’s even ended his current situation. By the sounds of it, something important has come up and I doubt it involves this village or this house.
His old life – his current life is calling and rather than lose him just as I’ve found him, I’m walking away to preserve my sanity.
As expected, the air is frosty and the stars twinkle in the deep ebony sky, casting soft shadows across the lake that is bathed in a mist that will freeze in the morning. The snowflakes left at the switch of a button and there is no excited chatter in the air as the villagers anticipate a different kind of Christmas this year.
The air is still and not even a bird is awake to disturb the peace and it’s as if nature is hiding along with me and it’s the safest place to be.
I make my way up the path and note the lamp on in the hallway. I head into the warm kitchen where the embers in the fire glow with the last traces of oxygen and I turn my attention to the kettle and make myself a mug of tea.
That’s what we do in Granthaven. When big decisions are made, we make tea to help us. When we are lost or grieving, tea is the cure for all evils and when we entertain, the first thing we offer is a nice cup of tea.
I need it now because my heart is heavy and I’m aware I may have made the worst decision of my life. It was certainly the hardest because opportunities, hell – men like Luke, don’t come into my life often, if at all.
I walked away from possibly the most amazing thing to have ever happened to me because I’m scared. I am already preparing myself for him to leave me before we even begin.
That is no basis for a relationship. A one-sided one with no choices. I am better off settling down with a man like me. Normal, I suppose, and not in a world of celebrity that I understand nothing about and frankly terrifies me.
I sit at the wooden table and stare into the dying fire. My hands wrapped around the mug, contemplating my decision.
I am a fool. I already realise that, but being with Luke in any capacity terrifies my soul.
Morning arrives and my heavy heart reminds me of what I did last night and I wonder what Luke thought when he set off to find me. He will realise I’m not interested and that’s the saddest part of all. I am interested and more than is good for my health.
“Hey love, do you fancy a bacon sandwich?” Mum asks as I hover in the doorway, brushing the sleep from my eyes.
“Sure.”
She nods towards the teapot on the table. “Help yourself. The tea is fresh. Your dad’s chopping some logs. We are running out fast. Thank God the delivery is due later today.”
As I help myself, mum says sharply, “Okay, tell me what happened?”
“Nothing happened.” I lie, and she shakes her head and groans.
“I’m your mother. I know when something’s happened and your face doesn’t lie, love. You look as if you hardly slept a wink last night. Are you worried about the pantomime today?”
“Yes.”
I seize on that to get her off my back, and her voice is firm as she flips the bacon in the frying pan.
“You’ll be fine. It’s not as if you don’t know the bloody play. It’s been the same one for the past thirty years, even before you were born. Even I could recite all the words. In fact, it’s difficult to forget them no matter how hard I try.”
I laugh softly and sip the sweet, calming tea.
“Is it the filming?”
“Yes.”I lie and she huffs, “Pretend they aren’t there. Just go through the motions and let the rest of the team worry about how it looks. Honestly, Jessy, there is absolutely nothing to worry about.”
She turns back to her task and I ask carefully, “Mum–”
“Yes love.”
“Have you ever regretted a decision and wished you’d made a different one?”
“Lots of times.” She chuckles as she dishes the bacon onto the bread.
“Actually, I was offered a job as cabin crew once, with the national carrier, no less.”
“You never said.”
“It was not long after I met your father.”
She drops the plate in front of me and smiles. “It was long haul. I would be away for most of the time and I was so besotted with him I hated that thought, so I turned it down and went to work at the local bank instead.”
“And you regret that?”
“Of course. You see, if I had known then what I learned very quickly, I could have had it all.”
“In what way?”
“Well–” She grabs her own sandwich and sits at the table and stares at me with a thoughtful gleam in her eye.
“If it’s meant to be, it will work out regardless of the obstacles in the way. Your father would still be here on my days off and could have travelled with me on occasions. I would have seen the world and been paid for it with no regrets. You see–” She fixes me with her sharp gaze and says softly, “You owe it to yourself to seize every opportunity life throws at you because you only get one life and have no way of knowing what will work unless you try? Never give up your dream to suit someone else, Jessy, because they may not be the person who progresses through life with you. Only you will make that journey and you owe it to yourself to live life to the full.”
She takes a bite of her sandwich and I must ask, “So you wish you had travelled, but what if Dad found someone else?”
“Then he wasn’t my destiny. You see, true love will survive even the most temporary of tests and that is all life is, Jessy. Several chapters all involving different things and you are lucky if that special person features in every one of them.”
Dad heads inside, stamping the ice from his boots and blows on his frozen hands.
“Is there one of those for me?” He asks and mum rolls her eyes.
“Of course, pour yourself a cup of tea and I’ll make you one as soon as I’ve finished mine.”
As dad sits down, he smiles at mum and I note the tender moment they share and it strikes me that even after all these years, they are as deeply in love as they were at the beginning and it gives me hope that one day I will be as lucky.