Chapter 29
Elira
I will not cry. I will not cry.
The words echoed in my skull like a drumbeat, steady and hollow, as I made my way down the hall.
My footsteps quickened. The walls of Shade Tower felt narrower than usual. Like they knew I was about to betray something sacred.
Ahead, I caught a glimpse of Leo slipping into Phoenix’s office. I froze—then ducked into the shadows, pressing my back against the wall.
“Have you seen Elle?” Leo asked, his voice carrying.
“Not since this morning,” Phoenix replied. “Why? You lost her?”
Leo shrugged, but I saw it. The worry behind his easy smile. The edge in his posture.
My face burned with guilt.
They deserve better than me.
But they wouldn’t understand. None of them would.
This wasn’t about loyalty or trust or what they thought was right.
This was about Finn.
And if I didn’t help him now, I’d never forgive myself.
Even if it cost me them.
I turned away and ran.
**
The second floor was quiet when I reached it. I barely hesitated before knocking on Maddie’s door.
She opened it after a moment, her hair rumpled, eyes bleary with sleep.
“Elira?” she blinked. “What’s going on?”
“I’m sorry it’s late,” I said quickly, pushing inside before she could object. “But I need your help.”
She stared at me for a second. Then something in my face must have shifted, because her tired expression hardened into something focused. She stepped aside and closed the door behind us.
The second-year dorms were nicer—larger, neater. Her bed was tucked against the far wall, and her dresser was cluttered with books and little potted plants that reached toward the moonlight spilling through the curtains.
She didn’t speak. She just waited.
And I exhaled.
“I need to leave the Tower,” I said. “Tonight.”
“What? Why?” She asked.
“Don’t ask me that. I don’t want to give any details, in case…”
“In case Thorne goes on the warpath. Ok. What can I do.” Maddie asked. I smiled at her. Her fierce determination and loyalty made her a formidable friend.
“You aren’t going to push me?”
“Elle, if you say you need to go, I trust you. I’ll help you any way I can.”
I reached over and grabbed her hand. “Thank you.”
She pulled me to the bed and sat me down. “Ok, talk.”
“I need to know how you overrode the wards with your power.”
She bit her lip. “I’m not sure. Just, ever since I came here, they haven’t really worked on me. I think it’s my connection to the earth. I kind of go … under the wards, if that makes sense.”
I thought for a minute, taking this in. “Can you make a hole?”
Maddie stared at me. “Maybe. But it would only be very small.”
“Small is fine. I can work with small.” I said, nodding.
“The best place would be downstairs on the first floor. We can’t access the ground floor without the elevator. You need clearance for that.”
“I understand.”
“It means there will be a drop, Elira. You will have to drop down.”
“I told you that’s fine. If I can phase through the hole, I can get out.”
“Phase?”
“I can become full shadow. But I’ve only done it once before.”
Maddie grinned. “That is awesome.”
I smiled back.
“What are you going to do once you get out of the tower?”
I thought of that grate from so long ago. “I can figure something out.”
Beside me, something jumped up on the windowsill. I turned to see that same midnight black cat. “You again?” I asked.
Maddie gave me a knowing smile. “You’ve met Nyx I see.”
“Nyx?” I asked.
“Nyx. Our local night spirit.”
“You know her too?”
“She shows up from time to time. Often as a warning or guide.” Maddie smiled. “Her being here is a good sign.”
“The king seemed frightened of her.”
“Nyx isn’t a normal cat, Elle.” Maddie said, stroking the soft fur of the feline. “She’s a spirit. If you are seeing her, it means she has chosen to protect you. Of course that scares the king.”
“Nyx,” I said, reaching over to the cat. She nuzzled my hand and I felt a sense of peace and resolve.
“So tonight. When can we do this?” I asked her. Maddie thought hard for a moment.
“Midnight. By the training yard doors. There are windows there that lead outside.”
“Ok,” I said. “But what about the others? They’ll be in my room. How will I get past them?”
Maddie reached into her drawer and pulled out a small pouch. “I told you I work with poisons right?”
“I won’t hurt them!”
“Of course not! No this is nightshade powder. It will knock them out for hours but they’ll wake up completely fine, I swear.”
“Maddie…”
“I promise you. I promise, Elle.” She said. “I wouldn’t hurt Leo. He’s my friend too.”
I believed her.
“How do I use it?”
“Mix it in wine and it works as a sleeping draught. No more than a teaspoon, got it?.”
“Each?”
“For all of them. It’s strong stuff.”
I took the small pouch and thanked her. Just as I tucked it away, a knock startled both of us.
“Hide that.” Maddie hissed.
I slipped the pouch behind my back.
I jumped to my feet like I'd been caught stealing, while Maddie instinctively moved to block the door.
It opened a second later. Leo stood there, scanning the room until his eyes fixed on me.
“There you are! You didn’t come to dinner.”
His voice was light, teasing—but I saw the tension behind it. The worry.
“I wasn’t hungry,” I said, trying to keep my tone neutral.
Leo stepped inside, closing the door behind him. “Slade is grumbling about you skipping meals again. Said something about dragging you back to the kitchen himself.”
I smiled faintly. “Sounds like him.”
He tilted his head, glancing between me and Maddie. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah,” I said quickly. “Just needed to talk.”
“About what?” he asked, casual—but there was a flicker of something else in his eyes. Curiosity. Maybe suspicion.
“Stuff,” Maddie said smoothly, stepping in before I could fumble. “You know, girl stuff.”
Leo looked unnerved. “Girl stuff like periods or something? Or boys?”
He was joking, but there was a tension in his voice—a coil tightening beneath the words. I forced a smile, hoping he couldn’t hear the pulse racing in my throat.
I forced a laugh. “You’re reading too much into it.”
He didn’t press. Just looked at me a second longer than necessary.
“You sure you’re alright, Elle?”
I nodded. “Yeah. Really.”
Leo exhaled. “Okay. Just don’t disappear like that again, alright? We worry about you, even if you’re being all mysterious and broody.” His smile returned, easier now.
“Duly noted,” I said, giving him a tired grin.
He reached for me. “Come on. Slade took some food to the room. You know he’ll wait all night for you to eat it. You may as well get it over with now.”
I sighed but offered him a real smile. I let him lead me out, but not before I turned to Maddie. “I’ll see you later?” I asked carefully.
She swallowed but smiled. “Totally.” Her fingers brushed mine for just a second—like she wanted to hold on but knew she couldn’t.
**
Back at my room, the door creaked open to the warm scent of herbs and roasted vegetables. Phoenix was perched on the windowsill with a book open in his lap. Slade stood by the small table, arms crossed, hovering over the food like a mother hen with a combat knife tucked in his belt.
He took one look at me and pointed. “Sit. Eat. You don’t get to skip two meals in a row.”
I smiled, something fragile fluttering in my chest. “Thanks, Grumpy bear,”
I crossed the room and kissed his cheek, gently—just a brush of lips and gratitude.
His ears turned scarlet immediately.
But before I could pull away, he leaned down and pressed a kiss to my forehead softer than I thought he was capable of. Protective. Quiet. Unspoken.
Across the room, Phoenix raised an eyebrow. “This is a new development.”
“Shut up,” Slade muttered, not meeting anyone’s eyes. I just nudged him affectionately.
Leo flopped dramatically into the nearest chair. “Okay, but seriously. It’s cold as balls in here, Phoenix. Can’t you do something about that?”
Phoenix sighed like a man being terribly inconvenienced. “That’s all I am to you now—a glorified matchbox.”
Still, he set his book down and moved to the fireplace, muttering under his breath as he coaxed a flame to life with a flick of his fingers.
Warmth spread slowly through the room.
I settled between them—these three warriors, these unexpected anchors of safety—and let myself soak in the moment.
The laughter. The comfort. The quiet loyalty none of them had ever spoken aloud.
And I wondered…
If tonight would be the last time I ever saw them like this.
The fire crackled low, casting soft amber light across the walls.
One by one, we relaxed into the space, into each other.
It was strange, how natural it felt now—like we’d known each other for years instead of weeks.
Somehow, these men had become important to me in a way I still didn’t fully understand.
My body warmed when they were near. My heart stuttered at the smiles they saved only for me.
Which made what I had to do all the harder.
I didn’t want to leave—not now. But fate, as always, had other plans.
So, I laughed with them, let their teasing wash over me like music. I let them touch me—small, casual brushes of fingers, a hand on my knee, a lean into my shoulder. Innocent gestures, and others that lingered longer than they should have.
Slade had finally kicked off his boots, slouching on the floor beside my chair.
His head tipped back, fingers brushing mine where they dangled over the armrest. He wasn’t the type to ask for affection, but he never pulled away when I gave it.
I ran my hand gently through his short, spiked hair, and he sighed, sinking against me. I wanted to weep.
Leo sprawled across the rug, one leg slung over the other, hands folded behind his head. He watched the flames, the firelight dancing in his eyes, like he was trying to memorize the shape of this night.
Phoenix sat at the far end of the couch, a book balanced in one hand—but he wasn’t reading. Not really. His gaze flicked up to me more often than the page, as if sensing something shifting. Something he couldn’t quite name.
When I pulled out the wine, none of them blinked. I measured everything carefully—my glass first, then theirs.
They didn’t even notice.
And I felt like a monster.
Because you are one.
Then there was a knock.
The door creaked open, and Thorne stepped inside without waiting for an answer. In the shadows of the hallway, he looked like an interloper.
His eyes swept the room, taking in the scene—the three of his brothers resting near the fire, me curled up in the centre of it all like some kind of anchor.
I met his gaze.
But he didn’t step closer. I was glad.
Could he read my thought from there?
If he could, he didn’t show it. Instead, he just stood there uncertainly. He stayed near the door, one hand braced on the frame like he was debating whether to say anything at all.
“Just checking in,” he said finally. “You’re not on the board for training tomorrow, so... sleep in.” His voice was flat. Guarded. Like the words had been rehearsed.
“Fine,” I clipped out.
The others exchanged glances, sensing the tension in the room, but said nothing.
“Everything ok, Thorne?” Phoenix asked finally.
Thorne just kept his eyes on me. “Everything’s fine.” He snapped.
“You can go now.” I replied, my voice cold.
He nodded once and lingered for a beat too long before stepping back into the hall and closing the door behind him.
He left like he’d forgotten how to be one of us. Or maybe he never was.
**
Hours later, the Tower was asleep.
Even the stones seemed to breathe softer in the dark.
The nightshade had done its job quickly.
It was time to go. I dressed quickly and carefully, tightening my weapons around my body in the darkness. When I picked up the dagger Thorne had bought me, I held it in my hands for a moment. It weighted my hands like it belonged there. I ran my fingers over the handle with reverence and sighed.
It still felt like mine.
So, I strapped that on to.
At least this way, I had something to remember them by.
I pulled on a pair of black fighting pants, boots and a black shirt. A woollen jumper that was a few sizes too big, so it hung low to my knees.
I didn’t take everything. Most of my clothes I just left, neatly folded on the bed. I couldn’t take much more than what I was wearing.
Besides, none of the rest of this stuff was ever really mine anyway.
I told Maddie I’d meet her at the training yard. But first, I had something I had to do. One more time.
Just once more.
Leo was curled up on the rug, arm tucked under his head, the other flung dramatically across his chest like he’d passed out mid-performance. His curls caught the firelight, soft and unruly. His snores echoed around the room.
I knelt beside him, brushing one back from his brow.
“Thank you for seeing the good in me,” I whispered. “Even when I couldn’t.”
I kissed his cheek, gentle as dusk. He murmured softly, smiling at my touch in his sleep.
Slade was half-slumped against the wall, chin resting on his chest, arms crossed in that way he always sat—like he was on guard even in sleep. One boot was still on. The other was off. It made me smile.
I crouched beside him, pressing a hand to his chest just briefly.
“Thank you for protecting me, even when I didn’t want to be protected.”
I leaned forward and kissed the edge of his jaw.
He stirred slightly but didn’t wake.
Phoenix lay stretched out on the bed, one arm over his eyes, his book forgotten beside him. His breathing was deep, steady. Calm.
I stood over him for a long moment.
“Thank you,” I murmured, “for never asking for more than I could give.”
I bent and pressed a kiss to the back of his hand, fingers still curled around the edge of the blanket.
Then I stepped back, standing in the middle of the room, heart breaking in the quiet.
“I’m so sorry.” I whispered. But then I turned and left them behind.