Chapter 32
A thunk disturbed Carwyn from her sleep, and she opened her eyes to glare at the wall of the cliff face next to her.
So Selene was wrong.
Her sleep sack cushioned her from the hardness of the ground and protected her from the early spring dew.
She’d managed to retrace her steps the day before, after Selene had dropped her off in Coldbourne, and found her discarded belongings.
Her sleep sack, her precious bow and quiver, and her sword she’d worked hard to afford were all returned to her.
Then she’d moved on, continuing on her journey until the sun went down, and set up camp at the base of the rock cliff – as she and Valerie had done in the past.
Without rolling over, she stated, “You didn’t think I’d fall for that a second time, did you?”
“Wise of you to protect yourself properly at night,” Kier answered, his voice holding the undertone of a rumble. “Lower the ward, Carwyn.”
He bashed it, and she shrugged her shoulder and curled up.
“I was given my freedom as promised. What you promised me.”
“It’s not safe for you to be alone in these woods.”
“I’m well aware of just how dangerous these woods are, Kier. It’s not my first time wandering them. The only reason you managed to capture me the first time was due to your ability to hide. I’m not so na?ve this time.”
She hadn’t wanted to waste her energy on such long-lasting magic when she hadn’t thought she needed it.
“What you overheard...”
She curled up tighter. “I refuse to return to your lair as a captive.”
“Carwyn,” he grated softly.
“I said no!” she yelled, rolling over to greet his stare.
He looked down at her, his red eyes glinting in the moonlight, and they were as intense as ever.
The swallowing darkness suited him, and it was something she never saw within his dimly lit cave.
If it wasn’t for the pale light reflecting white across his scales and glittering like little fractals, she doubted she would’ve been able to see him other than that glowing crimson gaze.
He narrowed it at her. “You will return with me.”
She shifted to sit on her backside and crossed her legs, showing him she had a different opinion. “I won’t be reduced to entertainment, Kier.”
He gave a puzzled head tilt. “What?”
“I’m not a toy you can play with until you grow bored.” She folded her arms. “I deserve more than that.”
“Heavens, female. What the fuck at you talking about?”
Oh my gosh, her mind whined as her head fell to the side in disbelief. How can he be so dense?
Then again, there had been many moments where incidental miscommunications had taken place. She put it up to their different minds; his more creature than human despite his ability to turn into one.
“Why are you even here?” she asked instead, eyeing him over and then squinting at the claw marks cutting across his shoulder.
They looked deep. Did he get into a fight with Selene over this?
When he didn’t answer, his eyes flicking over her, she lowered her head in defeat. “Y-you lied to me. You broke your vow, your promise. Why would I go with you after that?”
“I seek to protect you and keep you close. I had been hoping to gain your trust.”
“Why? Just so you could get under my skirt?”
She scoffed at that despite how much it stung. It’s my own fault. I made myself available to him. She could have pushed him away harder, put up more walls.
“Is that how lowly you think of me? Do you think I’d chase after a female who willingly left my presence if I wanted something so basic? I care for you, Carwyn.”
She hated how much her heart leapt with tenderness. “No matter what you... feel... I won’t let you take me back. I refuse it.”
“Then we shall be trapped like this until the end of time.” He sat back on his haunches, the arrogant cad.
She squinted her eyes into a glare. “Go home, Kier.”
He tapped an agitated claw against the ground. “Make me.”
Her bottom lip fell at his childishness. With a screech, she threw her hands up, then tossed herself against her bedroll and turned over to give him her back.
“Fine. Stay there. Just leave me alone.”
“Seriously? You are going to sleep in the middle of a disagreement?”
She folded her arms with a harrumph. Hopefully he’ll get bored and leave.
His following chuckle coiled her belly with unwelcome warmth.
Her eye twitched before she shut both of them and tried to ignore his existence. Even though everything went silent and she could pretend he wasn’t there, she felt his daunting presence, his nearness. The way his body blocked out the chill of the wind cutting through the trees and shielded her.
Crickets chirped nearby as tree branches clicked and clacked.
She didn’t know how much time passed as all manner of emotions swirled beneath her sternum. Pain, betrayal, hope, and helplessness. She actually felt much safer with him there.
When his voice finally broke through the quiet, it was soft and pensive. “I think Selene is right.”
With her arms still folded, she peeked behind her to find his back to her as he stared up at the waning moon and glittering, cloudless navy sky. She heard the scratch of a claw across the grass and rock as his tail tip curled up tight.
“I like you, Carwyn. More than I should.”
Me too, big guy, her mind grumbled.
“It doesn’t matter,” she whispered, cuddling herself. “You’ll find yourself a mate and no longer want me.”
“And if I have found her?” he asked, turning his head to look at her over his shoulder.
He held her stare for far too long, and it was noticeably uncomfortable. She waited for the ha ha and that it was merely a jest.
It didn’t come.
Her eyes widened and she sat up. “What? Me?!”
“Why not?” he asked, tilting his head and turning slightly.
“You hate witches! You’ve already made it known that you would never mate with one.”
“I... may have spoken rashly and been ill-informed.”
She rubbed her face into her palm with a groan. “You expect me to go along with this when you don’t even sound sure?”
“Yes, well, usually we decide upon such things after a good fucking.”
She choked on her own spit as heat scalded her cheeks. She squirmed a little, alarmed by how quickly that made liquid pool at her core.
“It’s impossible to decide such matters without making sure we are compatible. And considering our vast differences, quite vital.”
“Dear heavens, shut up!” she exclaimed, throwing her hands out and waving them. At this rate, she was going to disintegrate from embarrassment.
“I doubt I would have ever released you, as I would’ve known for certain afterwards and been able to express it with clarity.” He lifted a paw to scratch at the side of his snout pensively. “Admittedly, it feels odd coming to terms with this without a complete physical connection.”
A groan bubbled from her lips as she shoved her face into her hands. Her inner turmoil warred, her mind and heart now battling each other constantly, when they’d been aligned for years.
“I... cannot,” she admitted, shaking her head.
“I know I have hurt you, confused you, but these are the reasonings. Not because of the lies I fed my sister, or whatever ones she told you.”
“That’s not why,” she whispered into her palms. “I cannot do it, Kier.”
At least not now, not like this.
“Carwyn,” he called, his voice tight.
She wished he’d stop calling her name, when each utterance was designed to reach into her soul and steal a chunk of it she’d already given him.
She lifted her head just enough to look down at her palms and give herself space to speak clearly. “I came to these lands for a reason.”
Her eyes bowed at her cursed hands, and what they meant to her. Seeing the lines that made up the insides of them only ripped her to pieces, as they always had. Another witch had told her she had marriage and child lines, and knowing that future was possible...
Tears formed as she opened her mouth to finally reveal the truth. “I want to be rid of this ability.”
“Your powers of empathy?”
“Yes.”
“Absolutely not.”
She lifted her gaze to him with a brow cocked, because he did not have the audacity. “Excuse me?”
His upper lip curled back in deep offense. “It’s a gift bestowed upon you by the dragon gods. To be rid of it is to slight them.”
“I sincerely don’t care.”
He snapped his fangs with a quiet growl, and she climbed to her feet while snatching a rock from the ground.
“Don’t you snap at me!” She threw it, and it bounced off her ward and almost flung back into her own face.
She squeaked and quickly ducked just in time, and she hid her mortification behind her anger.
“This is why I didn’t want to tell you, oh mighty, arrogant dragon!
It is my life! If I don’t want this curse anymore, then that is my choice. ”
He narrowed his eyes at her. “It’s a part of you.”
“And I cannot hold another person’s hand!” she shouted, balling hers into tight fists. “I cannot lie with them, hold them, or even kiss their cheek without being overwhelmed by their emotions.”
“You can with me,” he argued quietly, palming his chest. “Like this, we have done all those things.”
Liquid welled in her eyes as her bottom lip quivered. “It’s not the same,” she rasped. “I mean skin to skin.”
He lowered his paw to support his upright, seated position properly. “That’s because you won’t try.”
“I’m terrified to have sex. Sex is not pretty. It can be embarrassing. It can be filled with nastiness. Once it’s finished...” Her tears spilled over when she recalled the past. “I deserve to experience it like everyone else. I deserve to live a life without suffering.”
“Carwyn... the only thing I will feel when I am inside you is all-consuming lust.”
“You say that...” She clutched her opposing forearm self-consciously as she averted her gaze to the side. “But you didn’t hide how much bedding a witch disgusted you.”
“And now the very idea excites me to an unfathomable degree, witch.”
“And if I had allowed it before you knew...” She brought her eyes back to him and winced. “I felt it that first time, Kier. Your uncertainty, your confusion. Just by your hand.”
“I’m not uncertain now.”