Chapter 11
Deliverance
Iresisted the idea for a long time.
Didn't want it to be true.
Truly it would be a curse from God to bring a child here, to the closed walls and shadowed faces of Grayspires Manor.
Anything but that, I raged in my nightly prayers.
I can bear it all. Just don't curse me with this.
But there was silence. And each week that passed and my monthly courses did not come, only confirmed what I already knew.
I was with child.
In my exhaustion, I had to drag myself to meals every morning, although I had no stomach for food and could barely choke anything down.
"Eat," Gideon ordered sharply one morning as I nibbled at a piece of buttered toast. "I do not buy food for this table to see you pick at it like a silly child."
"I'm not hungry,” I said in a low voice, even though the greasy kippers Ada was eating made me feel almost light-headed with nausea.
"Your tea is getting cold," Gideon added. "Drink it."
I reached out with trembling hands for the cup and brought it to my lips.
"What does it matter if she eats?" Ada asked languidly. "If she wants to starve herself it's her own stupid affair."
Ada was looking pink and plump with pleasure, like a cat with cream, as she patted her lips delicately.
Since Gideon had been putting his prick back in his pants when I came in, it was no mystery what they had been doing.
I was still wearing my shabby gray gowns, and for once their shapelessness pleased me, because it was a way to hide the little bump that I could see swelling my belly.
But how long could I keep the secret from my husband, how many nights until he realized my arm was across my womb for a reason. . .
“I’m amazed you’re still hungry after swallowing all that seed,” I said sweetly.
She flushed, and I knew if we’d been alone she would have slapped me again.
“How dare you! I demand you punish her, Gideon.”
But he was only leaning back lazily in his chair, looking at me under those heavy-lidded dark eyes.
“Why should I? You are a whore.”
Ada gave a little shriek of dismay.
“That’s not a very nice thing to say about your sister,” I put in and this time he did laugh, throwing his head back, his bright sharp teeth flashing white.
"The little mouse has claws. Now eat your food. I don’t want you to turn into a corpse.”
“Why? Wouldn’t you fuck that too?” I shot at him, and I knew it was too far.
He instantly rose from the table and I turned to flee, but I was too slow. One hand was crushing my jaw, the other gripping my plate.
“Those claws are never to be turned to me. Now eat it.”
I regretted my naughty words as he force-fed me the entire greasy breakfast, first the bacon, then the kippers, then the slippery egg, and I had to eat it all, gagging and wailing.
As Gideon went to a side table to wipe his fingers, Ada watched with a look on her face that I couldn't interpret. Surely she couldn't be jealous of this.
“Deliverance, you should be careful,” she said in what was almost a dreamy voice. “Grayspires is very old. Very, very old, and there are lots of dangerous places in it. You wouldn’t want to have an accident.”
“Are you threatening me?” I demanded, but she changed her voice as soon as my husband came back to the table.
"If you would join me in the study," she said. "There are a few household accounts I'd like to go over with you."
Gideon nodded, but his eyes were still on me as he left the room.
Very strange behavior, but then, he was a strange and capricious man.
What should I make of Ada’s threats? I resolved to be more careful as I roamed Grayspires.
I had hoped to get outside today, although the weather was getting very windy, but I found I could barely make it up the stairs to my own room.
After laying in bed all day, I had no more energy by dinner-time, and could barely drag myself back down again. By the time I made it to the big dining hall, Ada and Gideon were already at the table, Ada tapping her fingers impatiently against her new chinaware.
"My lord—" I started to apologize, when suddenly, I fainted!