Chapter 12
Lexi
I've never once gone to someone with the intention of having sex, but the idea of it is surprisingly enticing.
I think it's because I'm doing this for the right reasons.
I want to feel close to Edur, I want our relationship to be possible, and I want to feel good.
Those are all solid reasons for me to have sex with him, even if I'm not fully sure what that's going to entail or how it's going to make me feel.
I knock on the door to Edur's flat, not at all surprised when he pulls the door open almost immediately.
"Hey," he says, running a hand through his dark blue hair. The action draws attention to his handsome face and the easy smile he always has for me. My heart flutters in response.
"Hi," I respond, the nerves jumping around inside me. They're not enough to make me run away, but they're difficult to ignore.
"Would you like to come in?" He gestures for me to enter, stepping back so that I have space.
Without being able to help it, I burst into giggles.
"You okay?" he asks, looking at me with genuine concern.
"I'm sorry," I say through my laughter. "I'm just not used to this kind of situation."
"Me neither," he responds. "Do you want anything?"
I shake my head.
"All right, well, you know where my room is." He pushes open the door, and I step inside.
Tears prick the corners of my eyes as I take in the room. He's set up candles, giving the room a warm glow without it being too bright, and there's faint music playing.
"I know it isn't much..."
"It's wonderful." I turn around just as he shuts the door, bringing us a lot closer together than I expect.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" Edur asks.
I nod, feeling a little nervous, but also intrigued and a little excited. "I've been thinking about this all day."
He raises an eyebrow. "You have?"
"Yes."
"I'm surprised. I didn't think you would."
"I can't really explain it," I admit. "I wouldn't say that I'm turned on, but I'm ready, if that makes sense."
"None at all."
I let out a small laugh, realising as I do that it takes some of the nervousness with it. "I think it's like mentally preparing." I make my way over to him and wrap my arms around his neck, feeling the tingle of the cold emanating from him immediately. "So yes, I want to do this."
His fingers brush against my waist, and I can feel a sense of anticipation growing within me. I want to feel good, and I want to give him what he needs, even if it can't be everything.
"You need to tell me if anything is too much for you."
I nod. "I will." I lean in, brushing my lips against his.
I kiss him deeper than I have before, and can feel the knowledge of what we're about to do building within me.
I'm not really sure what to do with the response.
I know I'm not scared or uncomfortable, but it's not like anything I've felt before.
My lips tingle from the cold where his meet mine, and where his hand brushes against my arm. It isn't unpleasant. Far from it. The cold makes me all the more aware of every touch and every moment that the two of us are together.
"How do you want to do this?" he murmurs against my lips.
"Just...keep talking, I guess," I respond, my fingers brushing against the buttons of his shirt. "Can I?"
"Be my guest," he responds.
I swallow hard as I fumble with his buttons, managing to get them all undone so I can push the shirt over his shoulders and let it fall to the floor.
His chest is the same icy blue as the rest of his skin, with patterns that look like snowflakes travelling down his neck and over his collarbones. I trace one of them with my fingers, enjoying the feel of his smooth skin under my touch.
Edur doesn't say anything and lets me continue my exploration, patient and willing. He strokes his thumb over the skin of my arm, only adding to the intimacy of the moment.
At this point, with anyone else, I'd feel scared, but that's not what's happening here. With Edur, I'm safe.
"Can I go further?" I look up at him, noticing him watching me with his almost-silver eyes.
"Of course." His voice is a little hoarse, insinuating that I'm having some kind of effect on him.
I trail my hands further down, fumbling with his belt, but not getting very far.
"Let me." He reaches down and pulls my hands away so that he can undo it himself.
Nerves flutter into life within me, but it's not as scary as I thought it might be.
I watch him undress, interest and intrigue growing within me. He sits down on the bed, completely naked. I swallow hard and go to join him, still wearing my dress. I'm not sure if that's for the best, but I'm not ready to take it off.
Edur catches my hand and tugs me closer.
He cups my cheek and pulls me to him so that he can kiss me.
I relax into his touch and let my hand start to roam again.
His breathing catches as I move further down, my fingers brushing against his cock.
I'm nervous as I wrap my fingers around it, but not because I'm touching him, just because I want to do this right.
He breaks the kiss as a soft moan escapes from him.
I take it as a good sign and continue stroking him in a steady rhythm, getting more noises from him in response.
I like it. I can't fully explain how it makes me feel, but I can feel myself relaxing into the moment, especially as I start feeling more in control of everything.
Warmth spreads through me, and I can feel my own body start to respond now that I'm in a situation where I'm physically stimulated. The reaction helps me relax. If I can feel like this, then maybe I have nothing to worry about.
I quicken the pace of my strokes, causing his cock to twitch within my grasp, but I don't let go. I want to make him feel good, and this is a good way to do that. And it's good for me. I'm in control, and every part of me knows that, even if I would otherwise be worried about it.
Edur closes his eyes and sucks in a breath through his teeth. Unsure precisely what caused it, I repeat the same motion as I just did, getting a similar response and making me want to do it more.
He clears his throat. "Lexi..."
"Yes?"
"I'm going to come. If you don't want me to, now is the time to stop." His voice is hoarse, and it sounds like he's barely holding back.
"I don't want to stop," I respond, knowing that I need to say the words out loud for both of us.
He stills beneath my touch as he finds his release. He groans, his face contorting into something that I have to assume is pleasure. His cock twitches a few times, and I don't let go, hoping that the pressure will add to the pleasure, even as it softens.
I let go, and Edur hands me a cloth so that I can clean my hands.
"Are you okay?" he asks, his voice low and full of something that seems like satisfaction.
"Yes," I respond. "Are you?"
"Definitely." He gives me a reassuring smile. "You didn't have to continue if you didn't want to."
"I wanted to," I assure him.
"So, is that all you wanted to do? Or did you want to try something else?"
I bite my bottom lip and think about the offer. "Yes."
His eyes light up as he looks at me. "You'll have to tell me if anything doesn't feel good."
"I will," I promise, getting to my feet.
I can feel him watching me as I reach for the hem of my dress and pull it over my head, leaving me standing in the middle of his room wearing nothing more than my underwear.
He clears his throat. "You look amazing."
"You like it?" I ask, feeling a little more confident.
I picked my underwear based on knowing that he was going to see it, which is an unusual thing for me to do, but I think it's part of me feeling ready.
Putting on a matching set was partly me admitting to myself that tonight was going to happen, and that I wanted it to.
Right now, it feels like a good decision.
"Very much," he responds, reminding me that we're in the middle of something.
I don't really know what to do with myself, other than stand in the middle of the room and let him look at me.
He raises his hand, but then pauses. "Can I?"
Instead of answers, I step between his legs and take one of his hands, moving it so it touches my waist. There's a small part of me that's waiting for the panic to set in, but it doesn't. The weight of his cool touch is enough to soothe that part of me.
Edur looks up at me, adoration in his eyes. "Do you have any rules?"
I shake my head. "None that I can think of. Just, maybe go slow?"
"Of course," he promises. "Do you want any of your underwear to stay on?" The tone in his voice makes it clear he's finding it hard to concentrate, which only makes me appreciate his restraint more.
I shake my head. "I can help with that." I reach behind my back and unhook my bra, shrugging it off and letting it fall to the floor.
I like the feeling of being in control, even if it's a new one for me, and my panties soon follow.
"What do you want me to do?" As much as I don't want it to be the case, I am feeling my inexperience.
I should have looked up more advice about what to do, or something like that.
"Lie down," he says gently.
I do as he suggests, not feeling as exposed as I thought I would, despite being naked.
He shifts on the bed so he's lying beside me, an intense expression on his face as he reaches out and touches my shoulder. He runs his hand down my arm, his fingers catching on my fins and making me giggle.
"You're ticklish?"
"It's my fins," I respond, holding up my arm. "I guess it's sensitive where the fin meets my arm. I don't know about the ones on my legs."
"Want to find out?"
I nod.
He brushes his hand over my leg, his touch gentle and a little hesitant as he slips it around the back of my calves and runs his fingers over the seam of my fin and my leg.
I let out a small gasp, surprised by how good it feels.
"That seems like a good sign," Edur murmurs.
"Yes," I respond a little breathlessly.
He watches my face as he smoothes his hand higher up my leg, dipping inwards to touch my inner thigh.
He never takes his attention from my face, reassuring me that if I seem uncomfortable, even for a moment, he'll stop.
I didn't feel like this with my ex, and if I'd told him that I didn't want to do something, he'd just insist that I'd get used to it.
I banish thoughts of him from my mind. This isn't the time or the place to give him any attention.
A hint of surprise goes through me when I realise I'm disappointed when Edur doesn't move his hand between my legs, instead, skimming his hand over my stomach and up to my breast, leaving a trail of pleasant chills behind him. He runs his thumb over my nipple, and I arch up into him.
"Again," I murmur, wanting him to know that it feels good.
He repeats the motion, his touch a little bit firmer this time. Pleasure shoots through me in response, and if I weren't too focused on it, I might cry with relief.
I squirm against his touch, wanting more of it, but not really knowing how to ask. My hand drifts across my thigh, and I'm almost tempted to touch myself, but that wouldn't help me know whether or not I'm comfortable with him doing that.
"Is that a hint, Lexi?" he murmurs.
"Yes."
He tugs on my nipple one last time, getting a moan from me in response, before trailing his hand back over my stomach.
I part my legs without him even having to say anything, and he slips his hand between them.
"When you said you enjoyed orgasms, does that mean you touch yourself?" he asks, his voice hoarse.
I clear my throat. "Yes."
"Guide me?"
I swallow hard and reach down, taking his hand in mine and moving it into the right position.
His finger brushes against my clit, and a spike of pleasure goes through me in response.
He tries to repeat it, but doesn't manage until I guide his fingers back into the right place, but that seems to be all he needs in order to find it again.
Pleasure starts to build within me, a lot more intense than I can achieve myself, and I've soon lost all rational thought.
I'm sure I'm making all kinds of noises, and I'm certainly pushing more into his touch, but he carries on regardless, not stopping even when my whole body begins to shake and it becomes impossible for me to hold back.
The release crashes through me, taking away what's left of my awareness. It courses through my body, reaching every part of me before it subsides, and I collapse back onto the bed.
Edur pulls his hand away and pulls up the blanket so it's covering us.
"Was that okay?" he asks as he leans back against the pillow.
"Yes." I turn towards him and rest my head against his chest. "It was great."
"You enjoyed yourself?"
"Yes." I look up at him, tears pricking at the corners of my eyes.
"Lexi?"
"I'm fine," I mumble, wiping them away.
"You can tell me if you didn't like it." Genuine concern crosses his face.
I shake my head. "I'm just relieved. I know that wasn't really sex..."
"It was sex," he responds firmly.
The way he answers makes something within me settle and feel right. "It felt good," I say through the lump in my throat. "And I don't know, that makes me feel relieved. I know I don't have to have sex, but I was worried about what it might mean for us if I couldn't."
"It's not about if you can do it or not," he responds. "It's whether you're comfortable and happy with it."
I bite my bottom lip and nod. "I'm comfortable. But maybe we can take a break before we do anything else?"
"We don't have to do anything more tonight," he promises, pulling me closer into his arms. "We'll just keep talking about it and find what works for us," he promises.
"I'd like that."
"Good." He leans in and presses a kiss against my forehead.
Warmth spreads through me despite the coolness of his touch, and I close my eyes, feeling the pull of sleep coming over me even if I shouldn't be tired. But I suppose that's okay, I can fall asleep in Edur's arms, and when I wake up, I hope things will be as good as they are now.