Chapter 32 #2
Again Ella rolled her eyes. She and her mother had been through this a dozen times.
She regretted telling her mom about going to counseling.
She had taken it as proof that their marriage was not as strong as it should be.
While that might be true, Ella did not need her mother constantly reminding her of it.
Also, she would never admit it to her mother, but the thought of delivering John in Napa with her family close by to help did sound appealing.
However, she knew that would not have been fair to Ben.
She had come to Little Rock knowing that she would have to deliver there.
She could not see Ben being okay with her picking up and going back to Napa to have the baby.
In a way, the soil project had given her the perfect excuse to never have to address the issue.
Wanting to divert her mother’s attention to an easier topic, she said, “Well, I have good news. The project is ahead of schedule and will finish this week. Blesson is so impressed by my work, he offered me another project to work on. Of course, I had to turn it down because it was right in the middle of June. But it was nice to be asked.”
“That is fabulous, Ella. Baby, I am so proud of you. You are going to be an incredible conservationist. Speaking of that, have you made any decisions about moving to Michigan? Sophie has been looking at apartments and houses for rent online. If you are going to take your scholarship, you really need to nail down a place to live. As soon as you do, Sophie is going to go ahead and fly out there and get everything set up.”
Ella tried to break into the conversation to tell her mother that she had still not made any decisions, but her mother was talking a mile a minute. Ella let her mother ramble. “Sophie wanted me to tell you that she has picked out her bridesmaids dresses. Has she told you that yet?”
Ella indeed did know that. Sophie and she talked often.
Ella had already ordered her dress. She decided to order a dress one size up from her usual size two because the wedding would be a few weeks after John’s due date.
She hoped she would have lost enough baby weight to get in it.
At least Sophie had chosen a dress with an empire waist, so even if she still had a baby belly, the dress would fit.
Again Ella would have told her mom that if she had given her the chance, but she did not.
Instead, her mom jumped to the next topic like a squirrel chasing a nut.
“Poor Sophie and Paulo will only have four days together before he ships out for Germany. I hate that for them. I encouraged her to move up her wedding date, but she refused as it might mean you could not be here. That girl idolizes you. I think the only way she will manage being away from Paulo for a year is to be with you and John in Michigan. You will be helping her as much as she is helping you.”
At that point, Ella let out a long, deep sigh.
Her mother was relentless. Ella knew her mother’s words and actions came from a place of love, yet they wore her down.
Did her mom not think she wanted to go to Michigan with Sophie and John?
Of course, she did. But, she also wanted to stay with Ben.
The thought of leaving him, even for a year, made her sick to her stomach.
Phone calls like these made everything worse.
Ella let her mom rattle on for a few more minutes about how great it was going to be for Ella and Sophie in Michigan before she had all she could take.
Sighing, she forced a smile on her face and said in a cheery voice she did not feel well.
“Hey, Mom, I hate to do this, but I see Ben motioning to me. I have to go. I love you. I will talk to you next week.”
“Oh, okay,” her mother stuttered. Shocked that Ella had to end the call when she was enjoying their conversion, she resigned, “I understand. Call this week after your doctor’s appointment.”
“I will,” said Ella, and as she went to click off, she heard her mom remind, “Don’t forget to ask about the toxemia.”
Ella hated that she had hung up on her mom. Honestly, if she had not ended the call when she did, it would have gone on like that forever with her mother urging her to leave Ben. She had had all she could take.
After Ella hung up, she heard a sound and turned to see the most beautiful woman standing behind her.
The lady was about Bennett’s age, and she was as tiny as Ella had once been.
Her long, red hair fell in waves, and she was dressed to the nines.
She was the most elegant woman at tonight’s events—hands down.
Ella gave her a wary look because she had no idea how long the lady had been standing there.
Since the call was on speaker, there was no telling how much of it she had heard.
Giving Ella an embarrassed smile, the lady said, “I apologize. I was not trying to eavesdrop. I came out here to take a call too, and in the dark, I did not see you until I was right here.”
Ella shrugged. What did it matter what the lady heard? She did not know her, and she probably did not even know what she and her mother were talking about. “It’s okay. I was just talking with my mother. She gets a bit carried away sometimes, but she means well.”
“You are lucky. Mothers who care are the best.” Extending her hand, the lady said, “I am Joules Parker. I work with your husband. I am a long-time friend of the family and have known him for years. You picked a good one in him.”
Ella recalled that Ben had mentioned that the big-time political news analyst who used to be his dad’s chief of staff had taken a leave of absence from her national television job to help run his dad’s campaign along with another guy from Washington.
Worry flooded Ella’s face the minute she made the connection that this Joules person not only knew Ben, but probably understood exactly what her mom was trying to talk her into.
Giving Joules a pleading look, Ella said, “I don’t know how much you heard, but I ask that you not repeat any of it.
My mom wants all her chickens back with her.
She thinks if I go to Michigan that I will return to Napa after I graduate.
I think her worst fear is that I will be stuck here in Arkansas forever with no family and no help.
Those are her words, not mine. I know that Ben would not take kindly to hearing any of this and would not understand.
Ben and my parents did not get off to the best start.
I don’t want to do anything that would make that worse.
Not sure if any of this makes any sense. ”
Joules shook her head and said, “It makes perfect sense. You know, you look like someone who could use a friend. I have been told I am a good listener. I know I am a stranger, but sometimes, strangers make the best sounding boards. I have no agenda, and I won’t judge you no matter what you share. So if you want to talk, I am all ears.”
Ella looked at Joules for several seconds, then said, “Okay, I guess at this point it can’t hurt. Pull up a chair.”
Joules grabbed one of the deck chairs and sat down in it next to Ella.
Taking a deep breath, Ella said, “I have a problem. A really big problem. And no, before you ask, it is not this ever-increasing belly. He and I have made peace, and I love him to the moon and back. Nope, the problem is I have no idea how to mesh my dreams for my future with Ben’s.
He wants a life here in Arkansas. I always saw myself getting a grad degree from Michigan, then going home to Napa to run a gold-star self-sustaining winery.
If you haven’t already figured it out, those two things don’t go together very well. ”
“That was why your mom kept talking about Michigan? She thinks if you go to grad school there, you will eventually come back to Napa?”
“Yep, something like that.”
“Does she realize that Ben’s life is here? That he is all set to start law school in the fall while he continues to work for his dad after he wins the governor’s race.”
“You sound pretty sure he will win.”
“Oh, he will,” replied Joules without missing a beat. “I am his campaign manager. Well, me and this other idiot. Between us, he is a shoe-in. But back to your issue. What is it you want?”
Without even thinking, Ella spouted out, “I want it all. I want to stay here and be a supportive wife to Ben and mother to John. But I also want to go to Michigan and learn all I can about soil conservation, hydrology, and self-sustainability. I wish I could clone myself and be in both places at the same time.”
Laughing, Joules replied, “Well that is an interesting response. Since you obviously can’t clone yourself, what else do you have?”
“So far, nothing. A friend suggested couples therapy. We are trying it, but it feels like we are just going through the motions. Ben warned me it might be a waste of time. Even though it hasn’t helped me find a solution to this issue, it has helped me be more appreciative of Ben.
The counselor gave me this homework assignment to write down all the things I love about Ben.
When I look at my list, I can’t imagine ever leaving him—even for a year of school.
Yet, a part of me knows that if I walk away from my life’s dream, I will resent him for it eventually.
I have already had to fight being resentful about being pregnant.
I know that is stupid. It takes two to get this way.
” She motioned to her large belly again.
“But without going into too many details, John’s conception was the result of a very careless moment.
I held Ben responsible for that. I realize that if I didn’t let my anger about that go, it would be a thorn between us forever. ”
“You sound very wise. It sounds like your therapy is working,” replied Joules.