Chapter 20 A Rush of Reality #4
She’d tried to convince him that he should stay at the party, that she would take a cab, but Theo wouldn’t hear of it.
So he’d summoned Jan and she’d called his driver and here they are, one tense, silent car ride later.
Theo leans against the granite countertop of the kitchen bar, arms folded, and Sage stays perched on the edge of the leather couch, the low light of the living room lamp Theo turned on winking against her dress.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” she finally asks.
His gaze is fixed on the hardwood floor, and he keeps it there as he says, “It was before I knew you.” His jacket is discarded on the bar next to him, his collar undone, and in the dim light of the floor lamp that illuminates the open space, he looks gaunt.
He meets her gaze slowly, jaw tight, eyes stoic. “It means nothing about what I think about your work,” he rasps. “It just wasn’t a fit for me. They’ll find someone better suited, and—”
“They dropped it,” she interrupts.
“What?”
“They dropped it. When you turned it down, they dropped the project entirely. He told me at Comic Con.” Sage can’t shake the monotone from her voice.
She doesn’t know how else to deliver the news other than directly.
Plain facts, no emotion despite the fissure of hurt that’s opening into a yawning chasm somewhere behind her sternum.
Theo stares at her, lips parted. “That was your shitty meeting. Christ, Sage, I had no idea.”
She grips the edge of the leather. Digs her nails in. Let’s some of the hurt and frustration seep into her tone as she says, “Yeah, well, neither did I.”
Theo pushes himself off the counter and takes a single step toward the couch. “It’s not … it’s not personal. Honestly, it has nothing to do with you, I just don’t want—”
“It has everything to do with me, actually,” she cuts in. “It’s my work. My career. It might not seem important to you, but—”
“That’s not fair,” Theo interrupts, hurt flickering across his face, there and gone in an instant. “You know that’s not what I meant. Don’t … don’t put words in my mouth.”
“Well, I have to fill in the blanks somehow,” she snaps, and god, that pain she feels, hollow and aching, is rapidly turning into something hot and pressing and bitter. “You’re not exactly forthcoming.”
“Oh, piss off,” he bites back. “What was I supposed to say? Hi, Collins, wonderful to be getting to know you, but just so you know, I turned down an offer to be tied to the film adaptation of your book. Fancy having a drink with me?”
There’s just enough mockery in his words, just enough condescension, to strike a match against the flint of anger in Sage’s chest. “So you kept it from me in the hopes that it wouldn’t ruin your chances to get in my pants? Charming.”
“Bloody hell, Sage, you know that’s not true!
” He runs an irritated hand through his hair, fingers snagging in the product his styling team had carefully placed just hours ago.
“You know that those types of roles aren’t what I’m after, that I’m trying to move away from big-box studios like that, and—”
“Are you?” she demands, as she pushes off the couch. “Because Jaylen Hammel seems to think he’s getting you on board. Have you shared your sentiments with him?”
“You know it’s not that simple,” he grits out. There’s a flush spreading across his cheeks, and anger in his gaze, and Sage meets it head-on with her own.
“Right,” she breathes. “Sure.”
“My dad—”
“Don’t,” she seethes. “Don’t even try.” She’s pacing, the wood cold on her bare feet.
“You can’t be angry with me for doing exactly what you’ve been encouraging me to do this entire time,” he mutters darkly.
“But you’re not,” Sage snaps, whirling to face him. “You’re still catering to your dad, who won’t even consider what you want! Jesus, Theo, he couldn’t even be bothered to come for Christmas, and yet he shows up here with a fucking script that you don’t even push back on!”
Her eyes are stinging, and her anger is mounting, and she’s plowing recklessly ahead before she can stop and think about the words flying out of her mouth. “You’re so intent on keeping him happy, but he doesn’t give two fucks about you!”
Theo lifts his chin, eyes bright and lips twisted into something furious and hurt.
“I know it might be difficult for you of all people to grasp,” he spits, his voice trembling.
“But I don’t have a brother to pick up the slack anymore.
So forgive me if I don’t share your views on abandoning the only family I have left. ”
He’s not yelling, but the words are quick and biting; they cut right into her softest, most vulnerable parts with a ruthless precision.
Sage takes a step back, nearly stumbling over her abandoned heels, her chest caving in on itself as she stares at Theo.
He blinks, and that twist of his mouth vanishes.
“Shit,” he breathes. “I didn’t mean that.”
“You did,” she insists quietly. “You think I’m being selfish.”
She’s doing it again, she realizes. Putting words into his mouth. But she can read between the lines. It’s always been her blessing and curse. “Don’t hold back now,” Sage says bitterly when Theo remains quiet. “Better to get it all out in the open, isn’t it?”
“Fine,” he bites out, his fingers tugging at his tie. “You want me to be honest?”
She doesn’t. She really, really doesn’t. She’s not sure she’ll survive it.
But Theo is sucking in a breath and squaring his shoulders and there’s a steeling resolve to him as he says, “Is this really about me not taking the movie? Or is this about Jaylen implying that I was going to be shopping it elsewhere?”
“What are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about you being buried under the weight of opinions that don’t fucking matter!”
Sage reels back, her mouth moving soundlessly before she finally finds the words to express her incredulity. “You expect me to be happy that people think I’m using you?”
“No, Collins,” Theo asserts. “I expect you to not cave to people who don’t fucking matter.”
“You have no idea what it feels like when people suggest that I am where I am because of you.”
“Don’t I?” he demands quietly. There’s a subtle brokenness in the dip of the question, and it only gets thicker in his voice as he shakes his head and says, “Christ, you’re obsessed with getting validation from people who will never give it to you.
And it’s suffocating you. I mean, Sage, you’ve achieved incredible things, and it still isn’t enough!
It’s never going to be enough because you want everyone to love you, to tell you that you’re good enough, that you’re worth it, but you don’t even believe that you are!
You’re chasing something that doesn’t exist, and you’re running away from everything real to get it. ”
Theo blinks, and his eyes are wet, but he’s not done. “You know what the worst part is?” he asks, the words trembling across the space between them. “You’re so scared of people making assumptions about you—of them judging you without actually knowing you—but you do the exact same thing.”
A tear slips down his face. “You wrote me off the moment you met me. And I don’t think you’ve ever actually stopped.”
There’s something fragile inside of her, something tender and sacred, and it feels like it’s one breath away from shattering. But her mind is latching on to something he’s just said, connecting another piece in a puzzle she never wanted to build.
The moment you met me.
“Did you know who I was on the plane?” she rasps.
Theo sucks in a shaky breath, and that fragile thing tips precariously.
“No.”
“When,” Sage demands. “When did you realize it was me?” Theo’s throat bobs. “When I left the airport. Emerson said your last name, and I put the pieces together on the ride to my hotel—”
“Oh my god.” Her trembling hand covers her mouth as she turns away from him. She seriously thinks she might be sick.
She remembers thinking his insistence she come to Vibe was out of pity after the paparazzi scandal. She never thought it might be because of something that happened before they ever actually met.
“Oh my god,” she says again.
“Sage—”
That fragile thing shatters.
This was never going to work. It was so stupid to even let herself try.
“You were right,” she mutters, turning back to face him. “This … this was a mistake.”
For a long moment, Theo simply looks at her. She can see the argument building behind his parted lips, the wetness in his eyes giving way to something that looks like indignation, but then …
Then there’s a burst of honking on the street below, and cheers from the surrounding flats, and they’re dragged ruthlessly into reality.
It’s midnight, and the streets of London are alive with people celebrating as another year begins.
But here, in a flat five thousand miles away from home, Sage knows without doubt it’s not a beginning she’s facing.
It’s an ending.
Theo’s expression shutters, and Sage …
Sage cannot stand to be in this living room for another second longer.
“I’m going to bed,” she waves a hand toward the guest room. Theo doesn’t say a word as she turns and makes her way to it.
She closes the door behind her and lets her head thump back against the wood.
She can still make out the cheering on the street as, finally, her tears fall.