Chapter 42
River
It’s been a week since I came home from the nightmare of my heat.
But it wasn’t completely a bust. I found my Kismet bonds.
Well, more like they found me. It’s weird.
Until I smelled their scents, until it enveloped me, I never wanted a pack.
Now, I find my mind changing with every minute I spend with them.
When I asked them to take it slow, I thought they’d resist, but they didn’t. They made a plan to spend one-on-one time with me. Courting me. Giving me the time I needed to get used to being with them.
It’s all I ever wanted in a pack. One who valued me. Valued my thoughts. Treated me with respect.
They’ve each asked me about my work and how they could help me. I’m not sure yet, but when the time comes that I need help, I promised I would tell them.
Today, we’re having a group date. A picnic by the lake on the property. I take a look at myself in the mirror. The weather’s nice, so I decided to wear shorts and a tank top. I’ve never had this much of my skin showing, always hesitant of anyone seeing my scars and the Arcane bond mark.
“You can do this, River,” I tell myself. As much as I want to change clothes, cover up the marks, I refuse to. They are a part of me, and if the three of them are really going to accept me, then this is part of who I am.
There’s a knock on the door before I hear Torin, “You ready?”
“Yeah, I’m coming.” I take one final look in the mirror and head to the living room. Torin’s sitting on the couch, flipping through a book I saw sitting on the coffee table earlier.
“Can I borrow this after you’re done?”
“Of course.” I sit down beside him, and put on my socks and shoes. I see him looking at what I’m wearing, but he doesn’t question me. He just smiles.
“Are you nervous about today? About seeing all three of them at the same time?” He doesn’t look at me, just taps his fingers on his thighs.
“Yes. But it’s something I need to do,” I confess to him.
“The guys and I were talking, and we think it’s time for you to be alone with them.” My eyes go wide, and my heart starts pounding at just the thought.
Being alone. With them.
“They haven’t given us any reason to doubt them, and this is an important step for you. You’re going to be on the property, so if you need us just call or hit the panic button on your phone and we’ll be there.”
I rub my neck with my hand, hoping that it’ll ease the throbbing vein that’s threatening to burst. My knee begins to bounce, and Torin places his hand on it to calm me.
“Do you think I’m ready?” I ask, glancing over at him, chewing on my bottom lip.
“I do. You’re River McCormick. You can handle everything.”
“No, I’m River McCormick Ashbourne. You’re my family too. You and the guys mean the world to me, and I consider each of you brothers.”
He wraps his hand around my shoulder, pulling me into his side. “And you’re our bratty little sister. We couldn’t live without you.”
“Good thing you’ll never have to.” I tease. He kisses me on my forehead before letting go of me and standing up.
“Guess we should head downstairs then.” I haven’t had them in my apartment yet.
We’ve spent our time together at the main house or on the deck.
Having them in my space still didn’t feel right.
But if today goes well, I think that’s the next step.
I’ve been craving their scents, and I’ve been trying to work up a way to ask for some of their clothing.
We leave the apartment and head down the stairs. Much to my surprise, the guys are already here. Tav has them off to the side by the golf cart, and he’s talking to them. Nash sees me first and gives me a wave, a huge smile on his face.
“Can you please tell him that his jokes aren’t funny?” Torin whispers in my ear.
“I can’t. Personally, I love them.”
“Shit. We’re doomed.” He throws his hands up in the air as he pretends to storm off in a tizzy. I laugh, watching after him as Tav turns to look at me with a questioning look.
“He’s just being overly dramatic.” Tav nods and turns around, finishing what he has to say to them, before waving me over.
“I know Torin already told you, and I was just telling them about us letting him go on this date with you alone today. No escorts.” He turns, taking a moment, moving his gaze between each of them.
“But we can be there in an instant. We expect you back by four pm sharp. Not a second after.” He gives them a death glare before turning and heading into the house.
“He’s scary. Intimidating. Even worse than Roman,” Holden says softly, causing me to giggle.
“I’m not scary,” Roman growls. And I giggle again.
“Yes, let’s keep her laughing. I love how cute she sounds.” Nash winks at me, and I can feel my face heating up.
“Should we get going? I have salad and sandwiches packed for lunch,” Roman speaks up, holding out his hand to me.
Hesitation claws at me, but I extend mine out, slipping my hand into his as he closes his fingers, locking us in place.
He brushes his thumb across my knuckles and it feels right.
Shocking me. We move over to the golf cart, and he helps me into the passenger seat.
Holden and Nash slide into the seat behind us as Roman sits down in the driver’s seat.
He turns the golf cart on and heads toward the dirt road that leads to the lake. I turn to face him, curious how he knows the way there. He must see my confusion. “Josh showed me yesterday,” he answers without me having to ask.
“Oh, it seems he was being sneaky,” I whisper.
“River, Nash and I were wondering if we could show you around campus tomorrow. We have an early morning class, but Roman could bring you to the school around lunchtime. We can give you a tour and maybe go for ice cream before we bring you home?”
School. Where everyone could stare at me. See the scar on my face.
“It’s okay if you don’t want to,” Holden adds a bit nervously. “We just thought it might be fun. Maybe even might make you want to start going to school on campus… with us.”
I glance over my shoulder, seeing a twinge of excitement mixed with disappointment on their faces. It’s just a tour of the school. I’ll be with them. They’ll keep me safe. At least they say they will…But how will I know if I don’t give them the chance?
“Sure. It might make me a little anxious. All those people, and the scar on my face. I’m not sure how I will handle people staring.” My voice cracks a little.
“If they stare, it’s because you’re so beautiful. The scar on your face just makes you more attractive,” Nash says sweetly, and I can’t help but laugh. He’s such a Sour Patch-kid. With his brothers, I’ve seen him be grumpy, and to me he’s nothing but sweet.
My eyes shift back to the road, and I see it before Roman.
“Watch out for the hole.” He tries to swerve to miss it, but the passenger side catches and it causes me to bounce, shifting on the bench seat and pressing firmly against Roman.
I inhale his lime-orange scent, and a soft moan escapes me.
I feel Roman’s body stiffen, and I can already feel my face turning a bright shade of red.
“Sorry,” he says quickly.
“It’s okay.” I slide back over and place my hands in my lap. Roman slows down, making sure not to hit another bump in the road. When we finally made it to the lake, I’ve calmed down again.
“This is gorgeous,” Holden says as he lets out a low whistle.
“Isn’t it? This is my favorite spot on the property. The guys bring me here a lot.”
Roman pulls the golf cart to a stop, and we all get out. Holden grabs a cooler, and Nash gets the blanket, and we walk as a group toward the lake. “This looks like a good spot. We have some shade,” Roman tells us, looking to me for approval.
“It does.” Nash takes the blanket and lays it down flat on the ground. When he’s done, he reaches out and takes my hand, guiding me to sit down.
“Would you like a salad?” Holden asks, sitting beside me. “Or do you want the sandwich first?” I think about it for a minute. I’m starving. Should I just go ahead and eat how I normally would, or be like all the omegas that went to my high school and eat like a bird?
“Both,” I answer.
“That’s what I’m talking about. I love a girl with a healthy appetite,” Nash says joyfully, while Holden winks at me. He already knew I liked to eat from our conversations. But I’m glad he gave me the option to choose.
“River,” Roman coughs. “I was wondering if I could take you out to dinner one night. Just the two of us? Maybe a movie?”
I’ve spent the least amount of time talking with him.
I feel like I’ve gotten to know Holden and Nash through our conversations when we were messaging.
Conversations we still have when they’re not with me.
But Roman, there was never a reason for me to message him.
Other than the few times I did using my burner phone.
“I’d like that. Or we could order some food and eat it at my place,” I offer. “My apartment.” Just to clarify, I didn’t mean at Tav’s house.
“That’s even better,” he hums.
The guys start to glance at each other as if they’re speaking with some type of telepathic power. My stomach starts to knot, worried about what could be happening. Our conversation has been good, we’ve even made some dates. I don’t have to wait long to find out what it is.
“River, you know Storm talked to us about your past. Your father, the pack he sold you to and the cutting.” Roman starts, and I freeze.
“We don’t want you to rehash anything if you’re not ready, we’d just like to know why you started cutting.
Is there anything that makes you want to now? Ways we can help you.”
Okay, that’s not too bad. I can do this. They are my Kismets.
“First, know it wasn’t about trying to kill myself.
I want to live. To be happy. But the pain in my life was so great, and I had no control over what was happening to me.
Cutting gave me an outlet. It was something I controlled.
It was a way of taking the pain I was feeling with everything in my life and replacing it with something else. ”
They move closer to me, each of them touching me in comfort, Roman taking my hand in his, Holden placing a hand on my back and Nash placing his on my leg.
“I never wanted therapy, but honestly it helps. I know what to look for, what sets that need off.” “What sets you off?” Holden asks softly.
“Stress, feeling out of control, reminders from the past. But with each day, it lessens. I know I’ll never be cured and that the urge will always be there, lingering, just below the surface. But I’m stronger now.”
“And you have us.” Nash adds.
I smile at all three of them.
How did I get so lucky? We spend the rest of the day getting to know each other.
When did I become a girl who dates? A tour of the school with Nash and Holden and dinner with Roman at my apartment. My life is turning into something I never imagined. A life with a pack that’s mine.