18. Havoc
Havoc
“Rowan,” she whimpers when she stops trembling. “Please, I need you inside me.”
There it is again.
Rowan.
Every time she says my name like that, something inside me cracks open a little wider.
I kiss her thigh. Her hip. Her belly.
There’s no hurry in those kisses, even if every instinct inside me is screaming that there should be. I want her to feel them. Want her to know that I'm not looking past any part of her to get to something else.
Not after she stood in front of me worried that somehow this gorgeous body wouldn't be enough.
Fuck that.
She's enough.
More than.
I work my way, dropping kisses along her body until I am kneeling between her legs, my cock pressed against her entrance.
Her eyes find mine.
The vulnerability there damn near guts me.
Because I recognize it.
That moment when you want something badly enough that wanting it becomes fucking terrifying.
I know that feeling better than most. Only this time, I'm not running from it.
“Look at me, Honey Girl. Watch me take you,” I growl, lifting up so she can see the exact moment I press into her.
We both moan, and for a moment I am stunned.
Nothing—and I mean no one, nothing, never—has ever felt so fucking good in my entire life.
Heat encompasses me. But it’s not just that—it’s like a sense of rightness. Of belonging.
Home.
The thought comes out of fucking nowhere.
I almost recoil from it. I haven't had a home in longer than I care to remember.
Everything I've had has been temporary. Places to sleep to recharge.
Yeah, the mountain is different.
The A-Feral crew, too.
But this feeling? This is something else.
Something that reaches straight through the violence and noise inside me and finds the male underneath.
Monster surges, and I can feel my fingers become claws.
Ours.
For once, the word doesn't make me argue. It scares the shit out of me for an entirely different reason.
Because I'm beginning to want it to be true.
“Easy,” I mutter, though I don't know whether I'm talking to Monster, Gabby, or myself.
Her gaze flicks toward my hands.
I immediately try to pull the claws back.
Control.
I need fucking control.
The last thing I will ever do is hurt this woman.
But Gabby doesn't shrink away. Doesn't look frightened. Instead, she reaches for me.
“Yes, please,” she whispers, clinging to my shoulders and lifting herself up so she’s practically sitting on my lap.
Fuck.
Her arms wrap tighter around me. Her cheek brushes mine.
She's trying to get closer.
As if the distance between our bodies—what little fucking distance remains—is still too much.
And something inside my chest twists painfully because I understand.
It’s not enough.
I understand.
My arm circles her waist instinctively, holding her against me while my other hand slides into her hair.
“I can’t get close enough to you either, Honey Girl,” I tell her, brushing her hair back from her face and kissing her as I start to move my hips.
Her eyes flutter closed.
“No. God, you feel so good,” she whispers reverently.
She opens them again, startled. I touch my forehead to hers.
“Keep looking at me,” I tell her.
“Bossy Wolf,” she breathes.
There’s my girl.
My mouth twitches.
“Stubborn woman.”
“Rowan.”
Fuck.
The teasing disappears from me instantly. I kiss her again. Because I can feel something happening between us.
Something changing.
Monster feels it too.
The Wolf goes unnaturally still inside me, every predatory instinct focused entirely on the female in my arms.
Not hunting.
Not fighting.
Recognizing.
Her sweet pussy squeezes my shaft, massaging it, and fuck—I think I’m growing even bigger inside of her.
Fuck.
I am. I’m actually knotting her.
I press in deeper, and I feel that pop that joins us—locks us in the most intimate embrace possible.
The realization hits me like a fucking freight train.
Knotting.
Not just sex.
Not just some physical reaction I can ignore.
My body is trying to bind itself to hers.
“Gabby.”
She looks at me, and the trust in those amber eyes nearly fucking guts me.
She doesn't understand. Of course she doesn't. And suddenly that matters more than anything Monster wants.
“Honey Girl, listen to me.”
Concern flickers across her face. “What?”
I force myself to hold her gaze.
“I-I’m sorry. I’m knotting.”
“Knotting?”
“Yeah. Shit. Knotting isn't just something Wolves do.”
Her brow furrows.
“What does that mean?”
“It means my True Alpha nature recognizes you.”
Her breathing catches.
Our bodies move, still joined.
We gasp, but we can’t stay still. The need to claim, to mark—to fuck—is too strong.
“Recognizes me as what?”
Fuck. There it is. The question I've been avoiding since the word first exploded through my skull.
I brush the dark hair away from her damp forehead.
“My Omega.”
Her eyes search mine.
“But you know I'm not a Wolf.”
“I know.”
“So how can I be your Omega?”
“I don't fucking know. But you are. Mine,” I growl the last bit—Monster slipping out.
Her eyebrows shoot up. And I almost laugh because, yeah, stellar explanation there, Cross.
“I mean it. I don't understand it either.” My thumb moves slowly across her cheek.
“Being an Omega isn't necessarily about species. Not the way Monster means it. It's something deeper. Magic. Biology. Fate. Fuck if I know where one ends and the other starts.”
Her gaze flickers between my eyes.
“And the knot?”
My stomach tightens. I could lie. Could make it sound insignificant.
I won't.
“It’s part of mating.”
She goes very still.
“Mating?”
“Yeah.”
The word hangs between us.
Heavy.
Dangerous.
Real.
I feel her uncertainty through every place we're touching, and immediately my instincts scream at me to reassure her.
Not convince. Not pressure.
Reassure.
Because Monster might think she's ours, but Gabriella doesn't belong to anybody who hasn't earned the right to stand beside her.
“Knotting is an Alpha instinct,” I explain. “With the right female—the right Omega—it can happen when the mating drive takes over. It keeps the pair together. And traditionally...”
I hesitate.
Her eyes narrow.
“Traditionally, what?”
Fuck.
“It's tied to breeding.”
Her eyes widen.
“Breeding?”
“Yeah.”
“Rowan!”
“I know.”
“You probably should've mentioned that!”
“I fucking know.”
Her palm hits my shoulder. Not hard. I let her.
“Before now!”
“I didn't plan this, Gabby. I can try to pull out, but it will hurt.”
“Stop! Gimme a moment to process,” she says, and I can’t believe we’re having this conversation when I’m nine and a half inches deep inside her.
“Okay, so your penis has a surprise feature, and you didn't think that deserved a conversation?”
Despite everything, a laugh nearly escapes me.
“Honey Girl—”
“Don't Honey Girl me!”
There she fucking is.
Even Monster settles at the sound of her temper. I cup her face.
“And you’re goddamn lucky I have an IUD.”
“IUD?”
“Birth control.”
For a minute, I’m disappointed, but I have to admit it makes sense. Babies should be born with forethought and consent from both parties.
She watches me warily, and I work to soften my expression.
“Gabriella.”
That gets her attention.
“Birth control is a responsible decision. And for the record, I didn't expect to knot you tonight.”
Her anger falters.
“Why not?”
Because I never expected to find anyone my Wolf wanted this way.
That answer feels too fucking vulnerable.
Which means it's probably the one she deserves.
“Because I never thought I'd deserve to be gifted an Omega of my own.”
Her expression changes. The anger leaves. Curiosity in its place. And something else, too.
Fuck.
I can't look away now.
“I've spent most of my life believing Monster was too fucked up for this. Too dominant. Too aggressive. Too dangerous.”
“Rowan—”
“So when he started reacting to you, I fought him.”
Her eyes soften.
“I noticed.”
“Yeah, well. Apparently, I'm not subtle.”
“No. You're really not.”
My mouth twitches. Then the seriousness comes rushing back.
“But this?” I whisper. “This is different.”
I take her hand and press it over my heart.
It’s pounding. Hers isn't much slower.
“My body is reacting to yours like it recognizes something I've never had before.”
“An Omega.”
“My Omega,” I say, then immediately shake my head. “Fuck. No. That came out wrong.”
She blinks. I tighten my fingers around hers.
“I don't mean you belong to me because Monster says so. I don't get to decide that. Fate doesn't get to decide it either.”
Something in her expression breaks open.
“Then what are you saying?”
“That I want you.”
Her lips part.
“Me, Gabby. I want you. Not just as my Omega. Not some female my Wolf picked because biology told him to. You.”
I bring her knuckles to my mouth.
“The woman who argues with me.”
A kiss.
“The mother who would burn the fucking world down for her kid.”
Another.
“The pain in my ass who keeps telling me things are none of my business.”
Her mouth trembles towards a smile.
“They aren't.”
“Working on that.”
“Rowan.”
I grin briefly. Then I sober.
“I need you to understand something.”
“What?”
“If this knot means what I think it means, Monster isn't going to stop wanting you.”
Her smile disappears.
“And you?”
That's the question.
Not what does the Wolf want? What do I want?
I look straight into her eyes.
“I don't want to try to stop wanting you, Gabby. Truth is, I can’t stop. I want to claim you as mine.”
Her breath catches.
“I've tried staying away from you. Fuck knows I've tried.”
My thumb strokes her cheek.
“But I don't want another woman. I don't want another Omega. I want Gabriella Santos.”
The silence between us feels alive.
“And if I don't accept this?” she whispers.
My chest hurts, but I answer immediately.
“Then you don't.”
Her eyebrows lift.
“I'll deal with Monster. I'll deal with myself. I'll never force a bond on you because my fucking body decided it found its mate.”
“You would do that?”
“For you?”
I don't hesitate.
“Yeah.”
Something wet shines in her eyes.
Fuck.
“Shit. Don't cry.”
“I'm not crying.”
“You're absolutely fucking crying.”
“Shut up.”
I kiss the corner of one eye. Then the other.
“Bossy.”
“Says you.”
I press my forehead against hers.