80. Chapter Eighty
Chapter Eighty
Mariella
T he hours pass, and I don’t dare leave his office. What awaits me beyond this room? Guards? Freedom? Death?
My future has never been more uncertain. But none of it matters.
Mateo is hurting because of me. Because of my family.
The closest person he had in his life is dead at my father’s hands. He will never forgive that.
This is most likely my last night in this house and on this earth.
I glance around. The space is so masculine, so Mateo. My gaze snags on his large sitting corner by the window, the leather sofa where we cuddled just the other day.
My stomach twists. How will I go on without him ?
Unless he shows mercy, I won’t have to.
A flash of blue catches my eye. His sweatshirt. It’s crumpled over a cushion, abandoned, like me. He wore it last night under the oak tree while I played for him, his head tilted back, eyes closed, lost in the music.
My hands tremble as I pick it up. I press it to my nose, breathing in his scent. Fabric softener, aftershave, him. A comfort I no longer deserve.
Still, I slip it on, the sleeves swallowing my shaking fingers. Then I curl onto the sofa, knees to my chest, and inhale deeply.
Pretend.
Pretend he’s beside me. Pretend my head is on his chest, his heartbeat steady under my palm.
Tears burn the back of my eyes, but I blink them away. Crying won’t change anything.
I don’t know if Mateo left the house or is brooding in another room. Either way, he wants space from me. That much is clear.
He will never forgive my family. Never forgive me for my father’s betrayal.
The De Marco law demands blood. And my family will pay for the sins of one man.
For a fleeting moment, I had happiness. But my father has a talent for destroying everything good. His ambition, his greed. He sacrificed us all for it.
Would Mateo kill me himself? Or delegate the task?
A violent shiver wracks my body. If I have to die, I want to die in his arms. But that would haunt him forever, and I won’t do that to him.
The thought makes me sick.
I could warn mamma , urge her to flee with my sisters, but what kind of life would that be? Running. Hiding. Always afraid. We have nothing. We are nothing.
I could beg him to spare us. Ask for exile instead. But could I bear a life without him?
My throat tightens. My breath turns shallow, crushed by regret.
Now, we’ll never know what we could have been.
Mateo and I are over.
I can’t breathe.
I rub my face, but the exhaustion won’t let me rest. My mind won’t stop. My heart won’t stop.
Mateo is my world. My universe.
It would be kinder to die, because a life without him makes no sense. Not now that I know what it’s like to be loved by him.
If he despises me, I couldn’t cope. Watching the love in his eyes turn to hate would kill me.
It already has.
He wanted to marry me today. This should have been the happiest day of my life.
But just like my last wedding day, doom and gloom hang over me.
There is no happily ever after. Not for me, anyway.
God, what have I done to deserve this?
I tried to be good. To be selfless.
So why am I being punished?
There is no winning.
Only pain.