16. Journee
I’m in a relationship. The knowledge of Sincere and I locking in brings a smile to my face much like his presence does.
Not to mention the daze I’ve been in since the night we crossed the lines from two people feeling each other out to lovers.
My goodness, Sincere knows how to put it down in the bedroom.
I had to soak in a hot bath after he left my apartment.
It’s been years since anything other than my toys has been between my legs. But boy, did it hurt so good.
Had I known Sincere’s stroke game was like that, I might have pushed up the timeline for when we got it in.
I have been on a three-day high that I don’t want to come down from.
Sincere makes agreeing to be his woman easy.
From how attentive he is with Milan to his thoughtfulness in planning our first dates, I can’t help but wonder where he’s been all my life.
With a man like Sincere, I know that I picked from the bottom of the barrel with men in my past. But life has always shown that when you know better, you do better, and that’s what I plan to do from now on.
I don’t know where Sincere and I are headed, but I’m happily ready to take this ride.
“I’m not sure what’s changed with you lately, but I love to see the glow and smile you have.”
I look up from the rack where I’m adding new inventory to see Deanna watching me intently. The smile on her lips, matching her eyes, prompts me to reciprocate her merriment.
“Thank you.” I blush without providing any details for my reason.
Sincere and I are new, so I don’t want to jinx us by raving over him until more time has passed.
Girl, bye. You and that man have been locked in since the night he asked you to dance. The heavy desire in his eyes should have told you everything you needed to know.
I blink and lightly bite my bottom lip as I consider the thoughts in my head that I haven’t thought about before now. While Sincere’s gesture was sweet, I never took the time to analyze its meaning. I just assumed he was being nice, like the day he consoled Milan when we met.
Right, the day you insinuated that he was a pedophile. I bet you regret that outlandish thought now, especially after you let him slip and slide in your hotbox like y’all were at a waterpark.
“Alright, I’m going to take my lunch if you don’t mind,” Deanna says before I can process the new thoughts in my mind.
“Oh, sure thing. Enjoy your lunch.”
Deanna smiles and then comes from around the counter before she leaves the boutique, leaving me alone.
The music playing in the area thankfully gives me some company in the otherwise empty room.
I return to what I was doing as I add the shirts to the rack, then push my inventory cart to the next one to do the same.
Once that’s done, I move to straighten the undergarments bin so it looks more presentable.
It always irritates me when customers come in and ransack this container, with no thought to putting things back the way they found them originally.
I hum to the new song that plays just as the doorbell chimes, alerting me to a new customer.
“God must be on my side.”
I exhale heavily and close my eyes momentarily at the sound of BN’s voice. I turn to see him with a mischievous grin as he stalks toward me.
“Let’s not bring my Savior into this mess. What do you want, Brian?” His name tastes like acid leaving my lips, as it’s the first time I’ve verbally said it in four years.
“Why are you acting like we don’t have anything to discuss? I know you’ve gotten my messages. I told you what would happen if you continued ignoring me. Now, what are we going to do about my daughter?”
Before I can catch myself or remember where I am, I light into him.
“You got a lot of fucking nerve waltzing your slick ass in my place of business after all this time, thinking shit should be sweet. You made it clear to me when I told your sorry ass that I was pregnant that you wanted nothing to do with either of us. So why the sudden change? You need a kidney? Blood? What do you want? My daughter and I aren’t up for temporary foundations.
Nut doesn’t make you a father, and neither does your bitch-ass DNA.
” My nostrils flare, and my chest rises and falls dangerously as I stare into his eyes.
“Look, all of this shit is irrelevant. I was going through something back then. My irrational decision doesn’t change the fact that my seed is here and needs to know who I am. Now, we can do this shit the easy way, or I can make your life a living hell.”
“Tuh. Nigga, your existence makes my life a living hell. Don’t come in here trying to throw your weight around. I’m also not scared of you, so your thr—” My words are instantly cut off when BN’s hand wraps around my neck before I can process his quick actions.
“Listen here, bitch. The nigga you knew before isn’t the one in front of you now. I want a fucking relationship with my daughter. You can either get with the program, or I can show you that I was forced to do more than you think while locked down.”
He releases my neck, and I immediately clutch it as water slides out of my eyes, making my vision blurry. The impact of his hold has my throat sore, and all I can do is watch him retreat. Just as I’m about to breathe easier due to his retreat, he pauses and turns back to look at me.
“You have three days to get your mind right, or you’re going to regret playing with me.”
Once he finishes his threat, he walks out of the boutique, and I rush to the door, turning the lock and flipping the sign.
With trembling hands and wobbly legs, I head to my office as tears fall rapidly from my face.
Before now, no man has ever laid hands on me, including BN.
My mind is on overdrive as I replay his words that were spoken with enough venom to make my daughter motherless.
I’m in bed, staring at the blank TV, unable to move as my hand soothes the soreness in my throat.
I texted Deanna to let her know she could have the rest of the day off.
Then I gathered my things and rushed out of the boutique like the boogeyman was hot on my trail.
I’ve been locked in my bedroom for hours, and still my mind reels with what happened between BN and me.
Unable to deal with my sweet baby, I sent Mom a message telling her that I was sick and asked if she could keep Milan for a couple of days.
Thankfully, she didn’t hesitate to agree, which gives me the ability to hopefully recover and come up with a plan for dealing with BN.
My phone vibrates, and I lift it robotically to see a message from Sincere.
Sincere:
Hey. I just wanted to check on you. How’s my Journee?
Tears fall from my eyes as I read the sweet message from my new man.
My chest tightens because he’s what’s good in my life right now.
He also has a career that doesn’t give me the right to cause him any hardship.
BN’s actions let me know that I’ve got to come to some level of agreement and possibly give in.
But if he put his hands on me what he will do if Milan gets out of line or does something he doesn’t like?
I cry harder at the thought of my baby being negatively affected by the idiot I procreated with. Another message from Sincere pops up.
Sincere:
How’s Sweet Face? Are y’all home? I would love to take y’all to dinner tonight.
Lord, I can’t taint this man with this mess. BN is gonna be a problem, and Sincere is an attorney, for goodness’ sake. With shaky hands, I type out a response.
Me:
Hi. Milan is with my parents. I got sick at work and am home resting.
Sincere must be awaiting my reply as he responds immediately.
Sincere:
Is there anything I can do? What’s wrong? I can bring soup, meds, or anything else you need.
My cries grow louder as I type out my new reply, devastation filling me with dread and defeat.
Me:
I have everything I need. It’s not the most pleasant thing for anyone to witness. But thanks for the offer. I appreciate you.
“So much.” My two words are vocal as opposed to in the text with the rest of my words as I cry harder.
My emotions are on overload, and my despair has me feeling like I made a mistake by agreeing to date Sincere without having this situation with BN resolved.
It feels wrong to pull Sincere into my mess.
He’s a great man, and great men deserve to have unblemished relationships.
Before I can put my phone down, a message pops up on my screen from my social media inbox.
Big Bussy Noble:
My words aren’t lip service. Your hot ass is on the clock.
Along with the message is the GIF of Judge Judy, where she’s tapping her wrist. It’s effective and sends a shiver down my spine.
I didn’t ever see him changing into a violent man, as he was always sweet to me.
He also treated me like the finest piece of crystal.
But the hate in his eyes as he spoke to me let me know that he is no longer the man I knew.
My God. Maybe the exorcism I asked Mom to perform when I was thinking about Sincere should have been reserved for BN.
I lock my phone without responding to BN and drop it beside me.
I lift up and scoot off the bed in need of some water to help with my dry throat.
It takes me two seconds to go to my kitchen and another to down the bottle of water.
Once that’s done, I return to my room, remove my clothes, and walk to my bathroom in my birthday suit for a shower.
I need to clear my thoughts under the spray of water and hope to exhaust myself enough to fall asleep.
I’m ready to try and forget this day, and sleep will help me start the process.
Or at least I hope so. I need to shake off this fear and figure out what to do, because the more I think about BN’s actions, the more I know I can’t subject Milan to his presence.
That’s right. You aren’t a damsel in distress. Have your night of emotions and then rip his balls off.
I enter the bathroom and turn on the shower, setting the water temperature to almost boiling.
Once that’s done, I walk to the sink and stare at myself in the mirror.
The visible handprint around my neck makes me want to shed more tears.
But it also infuriates me at BN’s audacity.
The more I stare at myself, the angrier I get.
I can’t believe BN thought this was the route to go.
“Bitch-ass nigga,” I grumble as I force myself to leave the sink and climb in the shower.
I step into the shower, and the water cascades down my frame, allowing me to take a deep, cleansing breath.
Either the water is the thing that snaps me out of my melancholy mood, or the reminder of the bruise around my neck.
Whatever it is, by the time I leave the shower, I know that some people only respond to violence, and I’ll be ready for BN when he comes back.
He will never get his hands on my daughter. Fuck him.