Chapter 20
Spring returned with an almost dreamlike gentleness.
Clara sometimes felt as though the seasons had accompanied the different stages of her story, as if each one had marked a transformation she hadn’t been able to see while she was living it.
Winter had been a time of waiting and distance, that period when she’d had to learn to live with Thomas’s absence without treating each day alone as a threat to their relationship.
Spring, on the other hand, seemed to herald something new.
Thomas had returned for good, his second novel had found its audience, and Clara had started working on a new project that now filled most of her days.
Their apartment had regained its familiar sounds—morning coffee together, impromptu conversations in the kitchen, long evenings on the terrace.
Yet despite this sense of things returning to normal, Clara knew nothing was exactly as it had been before. They had both changed.
She noticed it in the simplest details. Thomas no longer looked at his phone during meals.
Clara no longer compulsively checked her emails while waiting for a work response.
They had learned to say no, to push back on certain obligations, and above all to talk to each other before small problems became major frustrations.
Their relationship hadn’t become perfect—far from it.
They still argued about insignificant things, they didn’t always agree on their plans, and Clara still withdrew into herself when she was worried.
But now she knew how to come back to him.
Thomas, for his part, had learned not to interpret her silences as reproaches.
They had come to understand that love didn’t erase differences in character.
It simply made them easier to live with.
One Saturday morning, Clara woke before him.
She lay there for a few moments, watching the light filter through the curtains.
Thomas was still fast asleep. She smiled, thinking of all the times she’d woken up alone during his assignment.
Back then, she’d believed the solitude would make her fall apart.
Instead, she’d discovered she was capable of standing on her own without him, and that discovery had made their relationship stronger.
She got up quietly, slipped on a light dress, and went to make coffee.
A few minutes later, she heard Thomas’s footsteps in the hallway.
“You’re already up?”
“Have been for a while.”
“And you didn’t wake me?”
“You were sleeping so well.”
“That’s suspicious. Usually you come ask me where your glasses are when they’re on your nightstand.”
Clara burst out laughing.
“I wanted a few minutes of peace and quiet.”
“Ah. So I’m a nuisance.”
“A nuisance I love very much.”
Thomas wrapped his arms around her.
“Good to know.”
They ate breakfast by the window. Clara had made toast, fruit, and coffee. Thomas scrolled quickly through the news on his phone before setting it down.
“Do you have anything planned for today?”
“Nothing.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
“That’s worrying.”
“Why?”
“Because you always have something planned.”
Clara smiled.
“I decided to do nothing.”
“Excellent decision.”
“You approve?”
“Completely.”
They finally decided to go for a walk with no particular destination.
They left the apartment late in the morning and wandered through several neighborhoods.
Clara loved these aimless walks. They made her feel like she was rediscovering places she’d known for years.
They stopped at a bookstore, grabbed a coffee, and continued on their way.
Around a corner, Clara stopped in front of a shop window.
“What are you looking at?”
“Nothing.”
“Clara.”
“That dress.”
Thomas looked at the display.
“Do you like it?”
“Very much.”
“Then go in.”
“No.”
“Why?”
She shrugged.
“Because I don’t need it.”
Thomas smiled.
“Since when do you have to need something to treat yourself?”
Clara looked at him. The words immediately brought back everything she’d learned over the past few years.
“You know you just quoted one of my own lines?”
“Maybe.”
She finally went into the shop. A few minutes later, she came out with a small bag.
“So?”
“I bought it.”
“I’m very proud of you.”
“For a dress?”
“For making a decision without asking if it was reasonable.”
Clara smiled.
“I’m making progress.”
They resumed their walk.
In the early afternoon, Thomas suggested heading home. Clara agreed, but when they arrived near their building, she stopped abruptly.
“Wait.”
“What?”
“I have an idea.”
“Is it a good idea?”
“I don’t know.”
“Off to a great start.”
“Come on.”
She took his hand and led him toward the park a few streets away. They settled on a bench in the shade of the trees.
“Why are we here?”
“Because I felt like sitting down.”
“We could have done that at home.”
“I know.”
“So why here?”
Clara watched the people passing by.
“Because sometimes, I think we forget to look at what’s around us.”
Thomas followed her gaze.
“What are you thinking about?”
“Everything.”
He waited.
“About the woman I was before I met you. About who I’ve become. About everything I thought I had to do to be happy.”
“And now?”
Clara took a deep breath.
“Now, I think I’ve figured something out.”
“What?”
“You don’t become happy by getting everything you once wanted. You become happy when you understand what you really want.”
Thomas smiled.
“And what do you really want?”
Clara turned toward him.
“This life.”
He took her hand.
“Me too.”
They sat like that for several minutes. Clara knew, though, that an important decision was still waiting for her.
She’d been thinking about it for weeks without finding the courage to bring it up.
Her publisher had offered her a contract for three new novels.
The offer was substantial. It would give her considerable financial security and allow her to devote several years exclusively to writing.
But it also meant a lot of travel, meetings, and constraints.
Clara was afraid of falling back into the pace she’d tried to leave behind.
That evening, she finally told Thomas about it. They were sitting on the terrace. The sun was disappearing behind the buildings, and a light breeze stirred the leaves of the plants.
“I got an offer.”
Thomas set down his glass.
“What kind of offer?”
“My publisher wants three books.”
He smiled immediately.
“That’s wonderful.”
“Yes.”
“Why do you look worried?”
Clara sighed.
“Because I’m afraid to accept.”
“Why?”
“Because I know what it means.”
“A lot of work.”
“A lot of work, travel, interviews, deadlines. And if I accept, I don’t want to become someone who spends all her time chasing the next book.”
Thomas thought for a moment.
“You don’t have to accept.”
“I know.”
“And you don’t have to refuse.”
“I know that too.”
“So why are you putting so much pressure on yourself?”
Clara looked at her hands.
“Because I’m afraid of making the wrong choice.”
Thomas moved closer.
“Maybe there’s no wrong choice.”
“What do you mean?”
“There’s only the choice that matches what you want right now.”
She stayed silent.
“Do you think I should accept?”
“I think you need to figure out why you’re accepting or why you’re refusing.”
That struck her as important. She got up and went to get her notebook.
“I started writing down what I want.”
“And?”
“I made two lists.”
“Which ones?”
“What I want to keep and what I don’t want anymore.”
Thomas smiled.
“That sounds like you.”
“In the first one, I wrote: writing, traveling sometimes, having time for us, keeping my freedom.”
“And in the second?”
Clara hesitated.
“Work non-stop, accept every request, be afraid of disappointing people, and think I have to say yes to everything.”
Thomas nodded.
“Then you already have your answer.”
Clara looked at him.
“Yes.”
She picked up her phone.
“I’m going to call my publisher tomorrow.”
“To refuse?”
“No.”
“To accept?”
“To negotiate.”
Thomas burst out laughing.
“Of course.”
“I want three books, but on my terms.”
“There you go.”
“I don’t want to be afraid to set my boundaries anymore.”
“Then don’t just set them in your personal life.”
Clara smiled.
“You know what?”
“What?”
“I think this is exactly the last chapter of my novel.”
“The one you’re writing?”
“Yes.”
“Then you already know how to end it.”
She thought about it.
“Yes.”
The next day, Clara called her publisher. The conversation lasted nearly an hour. She agreed to the contract in principle but negotiated the deadlines, the number of trips, and some of the promotional obligations. She was surprised to find that her publisher accepted most of her requests.
When she hung up, she sat motionless at her desk. She had just said yes without saying yes to everything. That distinction meant everything to her.
Thomas poked his head in.
“So?”
“It’s done.”
“You accepted?”
“Yes.”
“And your terms?”
“They agreed to them.”
He smiled.
“I’m proud of you.”
Clara stood up and kissed him.
“Thank you.”
“You don’t need to thank me for that anymore.”
“Why?”
“Because you did the work yourself.”
The months that followed were especially happy. Clara started her third novel, Thomas settled into a more stable work routine, and they decided to finally make an old dream come true: buying a small house in the countryside where they could spend a few weekends.
They visited several places before finding an old house surrounded by a garden. It wasn’t perfect. Some rooms needed redoing, the shutters needed repairing, and the neglected garden needed attention. But as soon as Clara stepped into the small upstairs library, she knew she wanted this place.
“What are you looking at?” Thomas asked.
“This room.”
“You want to make it your office?”
“Yes.”
“Then it’s decided.”
They bought the house a few weeks later.
The first weekend they spent the night there, Clara stood for a long time at the library window. The countryside was silent. No traffic noise reached them. She heard only the wind in the trees.
Thomas came in.
“You okay?”
“More than okay.”
“Do you miss our apartment?”
“No.”
“Me neither.”