Chapter 31
Thirty-One
Colin
23 Years Old
“What if I meet someone tonight?” Pearl wiggled excitedly in the passenger seat and Colin glanced in her direction for only a second as he seamlessly parallel parked outside of the community center.
“Like a guy?” Colin asked cautiously.
“Yes!” Pearl squealed. “What if I have this incredible love at first sight moment with someone and we dance all night? You said there would be dancing, right?”
“There will be dancing, but it’s a charity gala. It’s mostly going to be adults. Also, I promised Walker that I wouldn’t let you dance with random strangers, so the likelihood that you’ll dance all night with someone you just met is zero,” he said simply. “You’re sixteen, so the likelihood that you’d fall in love is even lower.”
Pearl pouted and crossed her arms over her chest. “You fell in love when you were eighteen. Most people say that’s young, too.”
Colin shifted the car into park and killed the engine before turning toward his sister. “Yes, I was young, and it didn’t work out because I made a dumb decision based purely off an emotion that didn’t stick. Don’t do what I did. You have plenty of time left. Just be lucky that I talked Walker into letting you leave the house in that dress.”
“Okay, one, you’re too hard on yourself, and two, this dress isn’t even scandalous.” She looked down at her princess line dress with a frown.
“It makes you look older than you are, which is why Walker is not a fan, but it’s a nice dress.”
“I’m almost an adult,” Pearl protested. “I should get to dress like one.”
“I wouldn’t have bought you the dress if I knew that was your reasoning. I agree with Walker. You don’t need to grow up any faster, and you don’t need to be dancing with boys or falling in love anytime soon.” Colin unbuckled his seatbelt, and Pearl followed suit, huffing as she stepped out of the car and followed him around the front.
“What’s with the big brother act? You’re gone for years, and now you want to come in and pretend to protect me?” A shiver ran through her little body, and she brushed her hands over her arms a few times as they stepped onto the cobblestone path that led up to the grand entrance. “I should have brought a coat,” she muttered. Colin paused and yanked off his jacket to drape it over her shoulders.
After his other jacket perished in the fire last month, he had ordered the same exact one from his stylist, Min, back in Maryland, and she had shipped it to him already customized with his corduroy elbow patches. The brown slacks and gray-brown blazer he was wearing now had come in the same shipment, and he had finally ordered some clothes for Theo as well. Theo’s jackets and sweaters were customized with micro suede elbow patches, because while Colin loved the ridges of corduroy, Theo detested it and had looked at that fabric sample like it had personally offended him. In an attempted show of good faith toward Pearl and Cooper, Colin had also offered to get them things, too. Pearl had opted for the silky blush pink dress she was wearing now, and Cooper had readily declined, still angry and unwilling to accept any gifts if Colin was the one giving them.
“I’m sorry I didn’t come back or talk to you all as often as I should have.” Colin sighed, getting back to Pearl’s comment. He had been getting the cold shoulder from Cooper for months now, and he was desperate to work his way back into his little brother’s world again, but Pearl was more direct with her disdain over his absence. She was old enough to talk about more mature topics, at least the dumbed-down version, and he knew he was overdue for an explanation. “I was not well, Pearl.”
“Not well,” Pearl repeated before prodding further. “Not well as in sick, or not well as in not okay?”
“Mentally sick,” Colin replied. “I got diagnosed, and I made some terrible choices based off a feeling I felt at the time, and that feeling didn’t go away for years.” He knew he was being vague, and that usually wasn’t his style, but he had spoken to Walker and his therapist about it a few times, and they had both confirmed that he was allowed to share however much he wanted to share with whomever he wanted to share it with. “I wanted to come back, but I thought everyone was better off without me, especially in that state.”
“That’s not true.” Pearl all but stomped her foot on the ground, outraged at the idea.
“I know that now, but even when I came back for holidays, if I stayed too long thinking about Archwood, I’d think about Scarlett, and my… feelings would get even worse.”
Pearl smiled softly, and he dropped his eyes to the ground. “Are you still in love with her?”
“Yes.” There was no use in lying about it. “I’ve tried not to be, but I can’t help it.” The breeze kicked up, and Colin could feel the chill now through his blazer and pinstripe dress shirt.
“You should dance with her tonight. If I don’t get to, then at least one of us should get to dance with someone they love.” Pearl pulled at the lapels of his jacket, hugging it around herself as they got closer to the large brick building.
“I am going to dance with someone I love. You.” The only response he got was an eye roll as they reached the top of the stone staircase and a tall man wearing a catering outfit held open the door for them. Colin let Pearl enter first, waving her forward before he trailed behind her and jogged to catch up. Pearl was tiny, but she always moved at the speed of light, outpacing even his long legs. “Should I be offended that you don’t want to dance with me?
“I love you, and of course I’ll dance with you, but I also want to dance with someone who’s not my brother. You’re going to be really technical about it,” she said.
Colin furrowed his brow. “Dancing is technical.”
“It’s also supposed to be fun,” Pearl said.
They followed the line of guests dressed to the nines down the hall as they filed into the ballroom. Colin adjusted his shirt and nervously patted his pants downward over his thighs. “I think practicality and control are fun. Knowing the right steps makes it so you don’t have to worry about doing the wrong thing. If it’s choreographed and not left open to chance, then there won’t be any awkward lags.”
Pearl took his elbow as they moved through the large doorway into the heart of the gala. “I get that.” She nodded and then tipped her head to the side. “But getting swept up in the excitement of not knowing what comes next is half the fun. Like… a kiss.”
“A kiss?” Colin furrowed his brow and guided her to a table in the back corner.
“Yeah. Like that butterfly feeling you get when you aren’t sure if it’s going to happen, and then the relief when it does mixed with an explosion of feeling.” Pearl pulled out a cushioned chair and sat down at the white-linened table.
“But I knew when I was going to kiss Scarlett because we agreed to it, or I just wanted to, so I did.” He sat down beside Pearl and shifted the plate and silverware so that everything was perfectly parallel. “Do you think that’s where I’m going wrong? I’m not good with spontaneity. It makes me panic. I did put out a fire in her studio. That’s spontaneous, right?”
“Um, sure,” Pearl said slowly. Her face fell a moment later when she shrugged. “But I think where you went wrong is thinking she and all of us were better off without you to begin with. I know you were sad, but we could have helped you.”
“Pearl.” Colin swallowed and looked briefly at his sister before dropping his eyes to his hands. He thought they had moved past this line of questioning, but given the dejected look on her face, he was wrong. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry, be better.”
He shifted uncomfortably in his seat, trying to think of something that would better explain why he had made himself so scarce without featuring the worst parts. “Do you remember the night Walker and Roscoe told us about our parents’ accident?”
“If I’m being honest, no.” She turned toward him and gave him a flat smile. “I think I blocked it out.”
“Well, I remember it vividly. I had a full-blown meltdown at the thought of any change at all, let alone the loss of our parents.” Colin drummed his fingers on the table, fighting against the pang of sorrow and regret in his chest. “Walker was moving in, and I screamed at him that he wasn’t allowed to because I didn’t want him to disrupt the routine. I scared the shit out of you and Cooper. You were sobbing in the corner the whole time, and I couldn’t pull myself together for long enough to see that I was making everything so much worse, no matter how much Walker, Piper, and Carter tried to calm me down. Change, especially the bad kind, makes me feel like my nerves are on fire and trying to crawl their way out from under my skin like a million little bugs writhing around just under the surface. I wasn’t in control of my own body. After everything that happened with Scarlett, I truly thought that everyone would be better off if I made a new routine. College was a lot of change all at once, and the only reason I got through it was because of my hyperfixation on my studies. But I did it. I did it without hurting anyone because I wasn’t around to hurt anyone.”
“We missed you, Col,” Pearl murmured. “None of us were thinking about the times when you can’t control yourself. We were thinking about how you weren’t around to make a stupid pun or beat us at Monopoly. I was thinking about how no one cared as much as you did about my questions. No one ran off to research my thoughts and came back with a dissertation as an answer. No one is like you, Colin.”
“I guess that’s true. No one has my exact DNA.”
“No one has your exact personality, either.” Pearl smiled. “You know, the personality of someone who takes my extremely heartfelt declaration about how much your family loves and misses you being around and turns it into something about science.”
Colin let a smile spread across his face. “I love science.” He shrugged. “I think it’s safe to say that my original hypothesis was wrong, though. No one was better off without me.”
“Very wrong. For that massive brain of yours, you’re really very stupid sometimes.”
Colin scoffed, shaking his head. “I might purposely step on your toes later.”
“I’d like to see you try.” She smirked. “I think you’ll be too distracted all night, anyway.”
“Why?” He pulled his eyebrows together and followed Pearl’s responding nod toward the stage. Scarlett was always easy to pick out of a crowd due to her bright copper hair, but Colin was pretty certain he would be able to find her in complete darkness. The dandelion yellow floor-length dress she was wearing dipped at her cleavage, revealing even more as she bent to fix a microphone stand. He swallowed involuntarily and looked away. “Do you think she needs help with any of the setup?”
“Hmm,” Pearl hummed. “Why don’t you go ask, lover boy?”
“I hate that nickname.” He grimaced. “I’m not a boy.”
“Lover manchild, then.”
He got up from his seat and brushed his hands against his thighs again, patting down the fabric. He had only washed this new set of clothes once, and they still felt a bit starchy. “The odds of me stepping on your toes just increased.”
“I’ll have to find a new dance partner, then,” Pearl challenged.
“No.” Colin pointed at her. “Walker would kill me.”
“Walker doesn’t have to know.”
“The answer is still no, Pearl.” He gave her a stern look, and she slumped in her seat, looking like a sad puppy.
“Piper did so much worse than me when she was my age.”
“She did. She made poor choices and dated guys I hated so much that I punched one in the face. Don’t make me punch anyone, Pearl. Pay attention to the way she is now with Leo, not the way that she was when she was your age. Now, stay put while I check in with Scarlett.”
“Fine,” Pearl grumbled.
Before he had a chance to think twice about it, Colin strode over to the other side of the ballroom all while fidgeting with his shirt. Scarlett’s hair was down today, waves of smooth curls jerking back and forth as she wrestled with a mic stand. Even in a fight with an inanimate object she looked beautiful. The last few steps he took to get to her were careful and quiet, scared to startle her with his presence. In the months leading up to the gala, he had been a bit of a coward every time she mentioned the fundraiser, electing not to inform her that he would be in attendance. He couldn’t figure out where the line was. Sometimes he thought she didn’t mind his company at all, maybe even enjoyed it. The tight hug she had given him the day of the fire felt like it had scorched his skin more than the actual fire had. But if her unhappy reaction to his tattoo was any indication, she would no doubt feel like he was inserting himself into her life without her permission or without coincidence.
Trying to gauge what her reaction might be was exhausting, and due to the ongoing renovations at the studio, art classes had been postponed, so he didn’t get a chance to tell her closer to the event like he had been planning. The last time he had seen her was the day after the fire, and it was only briefly to let him into the studio so he could collect some art supplies for Theo to continue to paint while everyone waited for the studio to open back up. He had been without her for long periods of time before, but after spending so much time with her in the studio, two months away made him feel like he was in a desert, waiting for a sip of water. And seeing her again wasn’t just a sip, but an oasis.
Just as Colin suspected, when Scarlett’s gaze flitted up from her vise grip on the stand, she clocked his presence, and her green-speckled eyes widened. “Do you want any help?” Colin asked tentatively.
“W-what are you doing here?” Scarlett stuttered.
“Your charity is sponsoring my work. Most of my coworkers are here.” When her mouth parted in what looked like confusion, he continued, “If you mean what am I doing standing in front of you, I saw you messing with the microphone and thought I could help.”
“You work for Sloan CRO?” She stopped maneuvering the stand for a moment, and Colin nodded. “What happened to Earth science?”
“I changed my mind long ago.” He spoke carefully, unsure of how far he should take this conversation given that his special interest in his occupation had everything to do with her.
“Do you work for the lab or the clinic?”
He evaded her gaze and shifted his stance. “The lab. My bedside manner isn’t great. Best to not be around people, or at least be with a bunch of other nerds.” He pointed to her hands to avoid further questions that he knew he would answer if she asked. “Do you want help?”
Scarlett lifted her chin and set her shoulders back. “I can do it myself. I’m capable.”
“I didn’t say you weren’t,” Colin said. “I asked if you wanted help, not if you needed it. I know you don’t need me.”
Scarlett paused in the way she used to do, getting that distant look in her eyes. It didn’t mean she wasn’t listening or thinking about it, it was the exact opposite. The same way he was listening best when he wasn’t making eye contact at all. Scarlett always retreated into her head for a moment before any outward response. He could tell the moment she decided because she stepped back from the mic stand and gestured for him to go ahead. “The clasp is really tight, and I forgot the last time we held an event here I had to hit it with something so I could adjust it.”
It only took Colin a few seconds to lift himself up onto the stage, eager to do anything Scarlett asked. This was the closest she had really let him into her world outside of Theo and their conversation about the painting, and he felt tingly with excitement. He had to tell himself repeatedly that it didn’t mean anything, but if he could just be her friend for a minute, then he would consider it a success.
The clasp was just as tight as Scarlett said it was, but Colin managed well enough, prying it free from the main rod and looking to Scarlett to tell him how high she wanted it. To his utter delight, she stepped closer, so close he could feel the heat of her skin just inches away from touching him. He thought she might close the gap, but she didn’t, leaving him so unfulfilled that he thought about doing something rash, like pulling her in. Maybe he could do spontaneity if it meant he could touch her one more time. Her hands moved the extension piece up to her desired location, and she looked up at him, their faces only a breath away. His body hated it, both the near touch and the prolonged look she gave him that made him feel entirely too perceived before his gaze snapped away.
“This is good,” she murmured.
“Hmm?” Colin hummed, distracted by how good it would feel to grip her body and drag her over to him.
“The stand?” Her voice was solid and confused. He wasn’t exactly sure how he had managed to forget what he was doing in the span of ten seconds, but his brain finally caught on and bent the clasp back to hold the extension in place. “Thanks.” There was no lingering like he wished there would be. Scarlett pulled away from his side and started toward the side stairs, seemingly nonplussed. If there was any tension at all between them other than her general distaste for his presence, then he couldn’t tell. Then again, it wasn’t like he could read people well. It was times like this when he wished Carter and Piper were present to extend their knowledge on social cues to him.
Frustrated with himself, Colin returned to Pearl at their round table and slumped into the seat.
“That was interesting,” Pearl noted.
“Me failing at talking to Scarlett? I know.” Colin ran his fingers through his hair then nervously combed the top of his head to fall over his cowlick.
“Failing?” Pearl cackled. “I don’t think you failed. That was not a two-person job, nor did it require you both to stand unnecessarily close together.”
Colin abruptly sat up straighter in his seat, his interest piqued. “That was good? I thought she was just making sure I was doing it right.”
Pearl shrugged, looking amused. “I doubt it.”
As much as Colin wanted his sister’s assessment to be true, he also knew that Pearl had a habit of romanticizing anything and everything. In Pearl’s world, no one just looked to look at something. Everything had a hidden meaning of love and affection, even when it didn’t. “I think she was just doing her job.”
“And I think you don’t go out of your way to touch someone like that, especially someone you have history with. If she hates you as much as you seem to think she hates you, then I would think she’d keep her distance. I would think she wouldn’t have even entertained a conversation with you at all.” Pearl punctuated her statement by grabbing her glass from the table and taking a large sip of water. Colin drummed his fingers nervously on the table, a feeling seeping under his skin and making him rock forward and backward. Hope wasn’t something he had wanted to hold on to, because he had all but convinced himself that Scarlett would never, ever consider being anything other than an acquaintance to him again. Their encounters at her art studio were becoming more friendly, but it still felt like there was a wall between them.
“I want to believe that,” he finally said. He looked back over his shoulder, seeking out Scarlett in the crowd. He found her sitting at a table near the front, speaking animatedly to her mother and sister with a glass full of ice in her hand.
“Why don’t you just tell her?” Pearl suggested. “Get her to dance with you, and tell her you’re in love with her.”
“Because I don’t think she wants that,” Colin said simply, reaching for his own glass and taking a sip before he looked over at Scarlett again, unable to help himself.
“Okay, so, you’re trying to get her to like you again first?” Pearl asked.
“I’m not strategic about it. I’m not manipulating her into liking me again, I just do things to help her out because she deserves it, and I want her to be happy.” Hand raised to a passing waiter, Colin leaned toward the man as he came to stop in front of him. “Can you please refill the waters at that table over there?” He gestured toward Scarlett’s table, and the man nodded before beelining toward her with a pitcher of ice water. A lot had changed about Scarlett since they were eighteen—her confidence, for one—but some things hadn’t changed at all. She never drank enough water. Sometimes at the studio, he would watch her go hours without it, and he would try to gently remind her that water was necessary to survival, especially when she started to massage her temples like she was about to get a headache.
“Thank God, people I know.” The table jolted a bit as someone sat down to Colin’s right. Colin shifted his attention to the kid and lifted his eyebrows in surprise to find his brother Cooper’s best friend, Camden, wearing dress clothes and a bow tie. It was a massive change from the Crocs and gaming T-shirt Colin had seen him wear earlier that week. “My mom has been talking to sponsors for over an hour now, and I think I’m starting to get gray hairs,” Camden said.
“You’re thirteen,” Pearl scoffed.
Camden raised a finger. “Thirteen and three quarters.”
The shock of Camden’s presence wore off in time for Colin to remember an important piece of information. “Your mom works for the foundation.”
“Yep. She’s in charge of the donations. She keeps telling old women that I’ll dance with them, and people keep pinching my cheeks like I’m a child. I’m both bored and humiliated.” Camden’s head swiveled to look at Pearl as he grinned. “How much do I have to pay you to dance with me the whole night so I don’t have to dance with any of them? I’ll warn you right now that I only have five bucks.”
Pearl laughed and shook her head. “Walker said I’m not allowed to dance with anyone but Colin.”
Colin considered that for a moment before butting in. “He said you weren’t allowed to dance with strangers.”
Camden, who had previously deflated, sat bolt upright in his chair. “And I am not a stranger.”
“True.” Pearl leaned over the table toward Colin. “Dancing with him will be like dancing with a brother, anyway. Can I?”
“We aren’t related,” Camden grumbled.
While Colin was generally clueless about this kind of thing, he was not oblivious to the massive crush he knew Camden had on Pearl. Between Carter blatantly telling him about it and Walker watching Camden like a hawk every time he came over, there wasn’t much Colin could miss. But, in the end, Camden Fortran was harmless. “You can dance with him and only him,” Colin decided.
“Better than nothing,” Pearl said, brightening a bit.
Camden lifted his chin. “I’m going to spin you so much that you throw up.”
“Charming.” Pearl rolled her eyes.
“If you want me to be charming, I can be charming.” Reaching across the table, Camden snatched a white rose from the centerpiece, and Colin watched in mild amusement as he held the stem out to Pearl. “For you. I would have brought you a whole bouquet of flowers, but I didn’t know you were going to be here.”
“And because you only have five dollars,” Pearl said, taking the rose. Colin’s attention was mostly focused on Camden now. Despite the childish way he went about things, the kid was surprisingly smooth. Within just a few seconds, he already had his crush agreeing to dance with him.
“I don’t have a job yet, but I’ll steal flowers for you.” Camden’s voice cracked a bit, as if he was trying to lower it into something more manly.
“I don’t know if I can dance with a criminal,” Pearl said.
“Too late. You took the rose. We’re both criminals now, so we might as well dance until they catch us.”
“I will dance with you once .” Pearl pointed a stern finger at him.
“We’ll see about that,” Camden challenged.
“How do you do that?” Colin interrupted whatever thing Pearl was going to say next.
“Do what?” Pearl and Camden answered in unison.
“I can barely get Scarlett to talk to me, let alone dance with me. You,” Colin gestured at Camden, “clearly like my sister, and you got her to agree to dance with you in less than a few minutes.”
Camden’s eyes widened comically as he jerked his head from side to side. “What? Me? No, I don’t!”
“Ew,” Pearl giggled. “I’m not into thirteen-year-olds. He’s like my brother.”
“Thirteen and three quarters!” Camden practically shouted. “And I am not like your brother. Not at all. We don’t share any blood.”
“I’m adopted. I don’t share any blood with my brothers, either,” Pearl pointed out. “Your name even starts with a C, and you’re at my house so much you might as well live there. Like my brother.”
A frustrated groan slipped from Camden’s mouth before he turned fully to Colin, who had been doing his absolute best not to laugh at the whole encounter and had finally gotten his smile under control. “To answer your question, I guess I picked up some of my charm from my asshole dad. I got a front row seat to him flirting with countless women.” Camden shrugged and then quickly added, “not that that’s what I was doing.”
“I unfortunately only have a dead dad,” Colin said.
“Dad was also a huge dork, so I don’t think he’d help you with getting Scarlett to dance with you,” Pearl chimed in.
“He used to dance with Mom all the time,” Colin reminded her.
“Oh. I guess I don’t remember that.” Pearl blinked slowly and cleared her throat before shaking her head and standing up quickly, rattling her silverware atop the table. “I’m going to use the restroom.” The second Pearl was out of earshot, Camden broke Colin out of his longing gaze at the table across the room with newly filled water glasses.
“Is she okay?” Camden asked.
Colin peered across the room just as Pearl exited the double doors that led toward the restrooms. “She’s just using the bathroom.”
“No, she got up after you talked about your parents dancing. I don’t think she actually has to use the bathroom.”
“I didn’t realize that was why she got up.” That small voice Colin had pushed away so many times told him once again that everyone was better without him. Not five minutes into the gala, and he had already made Pearl leave the table. Worse, he didn’t even know what he had done wrong. “Did I upset her?”
“I don’t think it was you. I’ve forgotten a lot of things about my dad from when he was around, but it doesn’t hit me hard because my dad was a jerk. I think if he wasn’t a jerk, I’d be sad to forget any memories of him.” Camden swallowed and reached for a water glass on the table, taking a swig. It was frustrating that no matter how hard he paid attention, Colin would never understand the same subtleties that Camden had picked up on with ease. He would never catch when Scarlett was upset without a verbal confirmation. If he couldn’t tell when his own sister was unhappy, then it would be the same with Scarlett if he ever got another chance with her.
“Shit,” Colin said glumly. “I wouldn’t have known if you didn’t notice.”
“Catching on to other people’s emotions isn’t your thing.” Camden shrugged. “But action is. I bet now that you know, you’ll do something about it.”
He was right. Colin was already calculating ways he could cheer Pearl up. Someone in their family had to have a video of their parents dancing to show her so she didn’t have to remember. It was hard to speak about their parents, but maybe not speaking at all wasn’t the best option, either. The memories needed to be kept alive. Just like Scarlett’s brother’s memory needed to be kept alive. “Action,” Colin murmured.
“That’s the key for how I got Pearl to agree to dance with me, too. And how I’ll get her to cheer up as soon as she’s back.” Camden took another rose from the centerpiece and held it out to Colin. “Sometimes being bold is the answer. Sometimes it’s not, but my dad’s one good quote was that ‘you miss one hundred percent of the shots you don’t take.’”
“That’s actually a Wayne Gretzky quote,” Colin corrected.
“I’m not surprised he took someone else’s quote and used it to hit on hot younger women, but that’s not the point.” Camden shook the stem a bit, the flower still outstretched to Colin. Colin finally took it, a curious expression crossing his face. “Her dad left, didn’t he?” Camden asked.
“He did.”
“If I were her, I’d want someone to stay,” Camden said simply.
Colin felt his face lose all its color as he peered across the room at Scarlett again, a knot in his stomach. “And I left exactly like her dad did.”
Camden cringed. “Yeah, that’s probably why she’s not giving you a second shot so easily.”
“So, then, what do I do?” Nausea roiled in Colin’s stomach, and he thought he might throw up. He knew that Scarlett would be upset when he broke things off, but he hadn’t realized that she would take it as yet another person who had left like her dad, or even her brother, who didn’t exactly have a choice but to go.
“That seems like a pretty obvious answer to me,” Camden said. “You stay.”
With a resolute nod, Colin agreed. “I stay.”