Chapter 49
Forty-Nine
Scarlett
23 Years Old
“Why would you want me to give up on you?” Scarlett asked, her voice so soft that she worried he didn’t hear her question because it took him so long to answer.
Colin sat down on the stool again and leaned over his legs, covering his face with both hands. “I had convinced myself that my existence only brought people pain and suffering. That I was a nuisance and no one really liked me at all. That you took pity on me because my parents died. And maybe you thought you loved me, but no one could really love me because they were just fooling themselves.” He took a steadying breath. “There was a reason I had no friends other than the people who were forced to live with me. There was a reason I destroyed any friendships I did have growing up with my lack of social skills. People thought I was rude when I wasn’t trying to be. People thought I was weird and awkward and distant. I didn’t like loud music or loud social gatherings, and everyone rightfully stopped inviting me to those things. I couldn’t read a fucking room, Scarlett. I could look people in the eyes, but it was so uncomfortable that I couldn’t think when I did it, and I counted the seconds till I could look away. I thought about how sad you must have been that I never looked into your eyes and actually wanted to. I thought about every time you cried because I inadvertently said something that hurt your feelings. I thought about how I couldn’t dance with you at Prom because it was too loud. I thought about how I didn’t see that you wanted to stop when we were intimate, and I just couldn’t fucking do it anymore. It didn’t matter how much I loved you, because I was just hurting you over and over and over again. I figured if I truly loved you, I’d let you go.”
A choked sob left Scarlett’s throat. “No.” The tears rolling down her face as she shook her head fell faster. “I loved you. I still love you. You made me feel special and built me up more than any other person. You interested me. Everyone else seemed so boring by comparison because no one else researched all of my thoughts or cared as much as you. I felt lucky , Colin. In my naivety I thought you had taken pity on me . That you had chosen me out of anybody you could have because you were so smart and attractive and sweet and I— God —I was so in love with you I was willing to forget about any of my hopes and dreams to support you in yours. Because you told me to paint when I wanted to paint. You listened to my long, rambling stories when other people thought I was annoying, and you wanted me.” Her breathing was so shaky that each breath was its own sob. “The same way you do now.”
“I’m so sorry,” Colin whispered, head hung low. “I hate that I made you think I didn’t love you. I’ve always wanted you, Scarlett. You were the first person who chose to be with me, not because of circumstance or familial ties, but because you wanted to.” He sniffed when she came to stand in front of him again, and he squinted his eyes shut, agony sinking into the lines of his now tearstained face. “There’s more. But… I’m scared to admit the next part.”
“Please tell me,” she begged, pulling him into her chest. “Tell me like this. Where we’re both safe.”
“Okay.”