Chapter 20
Chapter Twenty
Mia
M y head is as much of a jumbled mess as my heart this morning.
After Angus left me crying in his bed, I crumbled. I buried my face in the pillow that smelled like him and sobbed.He left without a word, but he didn’t need to say anything. Everything he felt was written on his face.
He was just as conflicted as me, knowing last night shouldn’t have happened, but he wouldn’t take it back. Neither of us could regret something so beautiful.
Angus McKinnon didn’t just want me, he truly saw me.
Flaws and all, he still wanted me.
He worshiped me. Made me feel beautiful. Made me feel comfortable in my own skin, something I wasn’t sure I would ever feel again.
Outside the barn, when he touched me, I thought maybe I was hallucinating. But then his lips met mine, and I have never felt more alive. It felt like existing in a dream state, yet I’d never been more grounded. His kiss, his hands roaming my body, it all felt like we were made for each other.
Nothing had ever felt more right.
Of course, my insecurities had to rear their ugly head, but Angus didn’t let them win. Didn’t let them ruin the most meaningful night of my life.
He’s wanted me all these years.
Sitting here now, sipping my coffee and waiting for my parents to arrive, that’s what keeps playing on repeat in my mind. He’s wanted me since he was eighteen. How is that possible? I would wonder how I missed the signs, but I know better than anyone how a person can love someone from afar, so well not even those closest to them notice.
“One night or a thousand, you’ll always be my goof, Mia. Always.” Those words echoed in my mind as I showered and got ready for the day. Preparing for a whole new set of emotions to bombard me when I say goodbye to my parents as they embark on this new phase of their lives.
They should be my priority, and I am heartbroken they’re leaving. But my emotions are still tangled up in Angus. In the way he looked at me. Needed me. If it weren’t for the bruises on my knees and the soreness between my legs, I’d wonder if the whole night had actually been a dream.
“I am going to worship you. And you’re going to watch.”
Sure, I’ve heard women talk about their nights in his loft, but I never could have imagined sex with Angus would be so intense. But we weren’t in his loft, we were in his bed, in his house.
A knock on the door rouses me from my musings, and I rush to answer. The need for a comforting hug from my mom suddenly overwhelms me now that I know she’s on the other side of the door.
Pulling the door open to find the three most important people in my life beaming at me causes my chest to tighten and my limbs to grow heavy. Sawyer is beaming in his grandpa’s arms and Mom is gazing at them fondly, laughing at something Dad said.
When Mom takes in my appearance, she knows exactly what I need. Lunging toward me with open arms, she hugs me like nobody has ever hugged me. She has always given the best hugs, holding on and never letting go until I’m ready. Any other day, she’d stand here as long as I need her to, but today, they need to get to the airport. So, much sooner than I’d like, I pull away.
She takes my hand, gently pulling me away from the open door and closes it behind us.
Dad and Sawyer are waiting a few feet away and I’m surprised to see the somber look on Dad’s face again. That same desolation fills his eyes, like it did on Christmas Eve when he apologized for their move. Where Mom seems beside herself with excitement to start their next journey, Dad is anything but.
“Mama! Look!” Sawyer says, holding out a familiar light brown and white stuffed English bulldog. Well, what used to be white has turned to a dingey off-white after three and a half decades.
Tears I didn’t see coming overtake me. “Bruce,” I say on a shaky breath, studying the faces of my parents. “Are you sure?”
“We’re sure, honey,” Mom says, shaking the paw Sawyer holds out to her.
Bruce was my brother's most prized possession as a little boy. He went everywhere Chris went. Even through his teenage years, Bruce was always on his bed. Sure, Chris would boot him to the floor at night while he slept, but Bruce was always there.
Chris should be here watching Sawyer grow up. Teaching him how to ride a horse or fish. Instead, my little boy now has Bruce. It’s not the same, but it’s a piece of Chris I will make sure he treasures.
“Thank you,” I say. “For Bruce and for watching him last night.”
Dad lowers Sawyer to his feet and he scampers off to his room.
His absence leaves an awkward tension between the three of us.
“Of course. It was fun. You should have seen him jumping up and down on the beds this morning. It was like his very own trampoline park.” Dad chuckles. They’ve been staying in a hotel the last couple of days since all of their belongings are currently en route to their new home in Sarasota.
Mom’s fingertips tap my cheek. “Looks like you had a late night. How are you feeling this morning?”
More like an early morning.
I need to play this off. If anybody knows when I’m lying, Mom does.
“Shoot, I forgot I had these on.” I peel off the eye masks I put on after my shower. Hopefully, they did their job and it isn’t obvious I’ve been crying since Angus got dressed and walked away. “It was quite the party, wasn’t it?”
“It was a perfect day,” Mom agrees.
“You guys want some coffee?”
“Mia, honey. We can’t stay long. We have to get to the airport.”
Dread falls like lead in my belly.
This is it.
Cue the waterworks.
Dang it!
“Now if you keep that up, you’re gonna make this old man go all watery, too.” Dad pulls me into his arms.
Mom comes up behind me and rubs soothing circles on my back. “Sweetheart, we’ll be home to visit, and you and Sawyer will come see us. Besides, we’ll FaceTime. Often.”
Mom always finds the silver lining, no matter the situation. She’s my rock, helping me see the light at the end of every dark tunnel.
“I miss you already.”
“Sweetheart, we’re so proud of you.” Dad kisses the top of my head. “You are a wonderful mother, and the best daughter we could ask for.”
“Thanks. But why do I feel like there’s a but coming?”
“Because you know your old man well.” He releases me, holding me at arm's length. “You need to take care of yourself, not just Sawyer. Live a little. Have some fun. Fall in love.”
If only it were that easy, Dad.
“What do you mean? I’ve been out more in the past few weeks than I have in the last few years.”
“You have, and there’s a light in your eyes we haven’t seen in a long time. I’d like to see more of that. Your mom and I worry that with all the wedding festivities ending, you’ll go back to work and Sawyer and never leave the house. It’s a beautiful house, but there’s more to life. Promise us you’ll get out?”
“Do Sunday dinners with the McKinnons count?”
“It’s something, but how will you ever meet someone if you don’t put yourself out there?” Mom asks, genuine concern in her voice.
I’m surprised, today of all days, we’re discussing my love life.
“I’m fine. I don’t have time to date.”
“Sure you do. You just have to make time for it,” Mom says, tugging on a piece of my hair.
“What I need to do is get this job, so I can afford to get my own place and stop mooching off old family friends,” I retort, hoping to change the topic.
“Nonsense. You are not a mooch. And you are going to get that job. Mark my words, Mia. It’s a new year and I have a feeling it’s gonna be a good one for you.”
“I sure hope you’re right.”
“I know I am.” She walks down the hall to Sawyer’s room, leaving me with Dad.
“Mia, tell me you heard me?”
“I heard you,” I say sheepishly, embarrassed my impending spinsterhood has them worried. I had no clue.
“You need anything, we’re just a phone call away. We’re always here for you.
That doesn’t change.”
“I know. I appreciate it, but it’s time for you and Mom to stop worrying about me and focus on sunshine, beaches, golf, and gators.”
“It’s our job to worry about you.”
“I’ll be fine. We’ll be fine. You need to worry about those gators. Tell me you heard me ,” I say, throwing his concern back at him.
“Always the smartass.”
Glad to have put a smile on his face, I grin. My first genuine one today. “I learned from the best.”
Mom returns with Sawyer in her arms. “You promise to be a good boy for your mommy?” she asks.
He nods his blond head and now it’s time for Mom to get emotional. She kisses him on both cheeks and gives him a squeeze before handing him to Dad. As soon as her arms are free, it’s my turn. She doesn’t speak, and she doesn’t hold me for long.
Dad hands Sawyer to me and then hugs us both to him. “I love you, little girl.”
“Love you too, Daddy.”
They head for the door, Sawyer and I following. We watch them walk down the porch steps, get in their rental car and we wave when they drive away on the snow-covered road that leads to Sharon’s and their new life.