Chapter 37
Chapter Thirty-Seven
ANGUS
T aking in a deep inhale of sun-warmed earth and the hint of manure, my soul breathes a little easier.
There’s nothing better than a spring day on the ranch. At the moment, the horses are tied to a tree, grazing on a fresh mix of grass and clover while Cal and I fix a hole in the fence line.
We haven’t talked much, but I know my brother. His job is at the store, the ranch and riding are what he does when something is on his mind. However, he prefers to figure things out on his own. He asked me out here for a reason, but I’m not gonna push. If there’s anyone who knows how hard it is to say what’s on their mind, it’s me.
Finished with the fence, we climb back on the horses, taking our time as though neither of us have businesses to run. Like there is nowhere else in the world we need to be. Instead, we mosey along at a leisurely trot, traversing the endless pastures side by side without a care in the world. Cal even stops Mabel here and there in search of blackberries. It’s early in the season but wouldn’t you know it? He turns up with a handful.
That’s how his life has gone since Charlie showed up in our little town. The man won the damn lottery when she found her way back to him. And with their announcement this past Sunday his life just keeps getting better. Charlotte is pregnant. Apparently, she found out on their wedding day, but they’ve kept it to themselves until they were through the first trimester.
“So, how’s the mom-to-be feeling?”
“Not too bad. Her morning sickness is more like all-day sickness, but considering, she’s doing good.”
“Glad to hear it.”
He scratches at the couple days' growth on his face, tilting his head in contemplation, like he’s trying to make a tough decision.
Hmm... What’s bothering you, big brother?
“And how are you?” I ask. Keeping my inquiries short and sweet. Too much digging and the man will take off at a full gallop.
He exhales, his body sagging as he confesses, “I’m scared shitless. That’s how I am.”
And there it is. That’s what’s on his mind. Callen McKinnon, who can defeat any foe, is afraid of becoming a dad.
Is there anything scarier?
Or fucking cooler?
“What is it that has your panties all twisted up?”
“Make fun all you want, little brother. You’ll get it one day.”
“Well, help me get it now. Because there is no doubt in my mind that you’re gonna be a great dad.”
Moments tick by, but only the song of a sparrow and the horses’ hooves on the dirt answer. Cal, as usual, is working out what he wants to say next. He gets there eventually.
“Not worrying about Charlotte’s safety, not having her at arm’s length at all times, is a day-to-day struggle. I know she’s safe. I do. But since I found out she was carrying my child; my anxiety is off the charts. What the hell am I gonna do once the baby is actually here?”
“Well, you know Charlie’s safe. You made sure of that,” I say, referring to the stalker that showed up in Goose Hollow last summer. “And when the baby gets here, you’ll take care of her or him like you do everyone else in this family. If any of us are meant to be a parent, it’s you, dude. C’mon, you know that.”
“You think?” His eyes are dark with worry.
He’s not fishing for compliments. The man really doesn’t think he’s ready for the next and biggest part of his life. He wants to know I’m not blowing smoke up his ass.
“Cal, what’s got you so wound up?” I duck under a pine tree branch along the path back to the barn. “I thought you were excited.”
“I was. I mean, I am. It’s just a lot, you know? Running the store, building the house, and now Charlotte is pregnant. What if I’m not around enough? What if she feels like I’m not pulling my weight? What if the dog doesn’t like the baby?”
I hold my chuckle in, enjoying this vulnerable side of my big brother.
Careful not to let my smile show, I do my best to ease his mind. “Listen, I get that you’re scared, I do. But you’ll figure out how to prioritize all the balls you’re juggling. It’s not like you’ll be building the house for the next twenty years. It’s your dream house, on your dream piece of land. It will all be worth it. As for Ruby, she’s gonna be that kid’s best friend. She’ll protect the baby just as much as you will.”
“You’re right. I know you’re right.” He says the words, but I’m not sure he believes them.
“You got this, big brother. I think you’re just so damn happy you’re waiting for something shitty to happen. Sorry to tell you, but I think you’re finally living the life you’ve always deserved. Quit worrying about what could happen. Live in the moment and count yourself lucky as hell.”
He gives me a nod. The turmoil behind his eyes has lightened and hopefully, the load weighing on his shoulders has lessened. He may not realize it, but it means a lot that I was the person he reached out to. Cal has been there for me countless times. It’s nice to be on the other side of the equation.
The moment is fleeting, because what Cal says next nearly knocks me out of my saddle.
“So, you’ve been into Mia our whole lives and we all missed it, didn’t we?”
Now I’m the brother with the zipped lips. Shocked at the change in conversation, I measure the words in my head before allowing myself to reply. Seems to be hereditary.
“Charlotte noticed it the first time she saw you two together, and I told her she was crazy. But then I saw you carrying her to the barn the night of the wedding.”
“What?”
“Yep, you cock-blocked me on my wedding night, asshole.” He chuckles. “Charlotte and I were about to make our way to the tack room to consummate our vows, but you beat us to it.”
“Sorry for the cock-block, but I’m not gonna apologize for Mia. Never.” I know how defensive I sound. I’ve known one day soon we’d have to face our families. However, I am not prepared for today to be that day.
“So?”
“What do you want me to say, Callen?”
“This is a lot more than a fake relationship, isn’t it?”
“I’d do anything for Mia and Sawyer.”
“Because you love her.” It’s not a question.
I won’t deny it, but I’m also not ready to confess my love for Mia to my big brother before I actually say the words to her. She deserves to hear them first. So, I leave his statement blowing in the wind.
“Well, if you’re worried about the family, don’t be. You know how we feel about her. You’ve got our support. Daisy will require a conversation, but you know she’ll come around. Besides, I think she already knows. She’s been shifty anytime the two of you and your fake marriage come up.”
“Shit. Does it come up a lot?”
“As much as you would expect. Not a lot happens around here. We have to get our entertainment where we can. But the look on your face tells me it’s not as funny as we thought.”
“What does Mom say?”
“Like I said, it’s all good. All any of us want is for you to be happy. Both of you. But she’s a package deal, Gus. You ready to be a daddy?”
“I love that kid.”
“We all do. But this is different. If it doesn’t work out, it’s not just her heart. It’s Sawyer’s, too. And they aren’t going anywhere. So, there’s that.”
“I’m well aware.”
“Good.”
“Is that all?” I ask, because it feels like he should have a lot more questions.
Shaking his head, he shivers in his saddle. “Normally, I would ask for details, but this is Mia, and I don’t wanna know a damn thing.” He signals to Mabel, and they take off.
And just like that, our conversation is over. I give River a squeeze to his rib cage, and we take off at a breakneck pace after them. Between the rush of the wind against my skin as we race back to the barn and the relief that I seem to have the support of my family to move forward with Mia, I feel lighter than I did when we met at the barn this morning.
My feelings for Mia aren’t a secret anymore, and I like it that way.
Now we just need to take care of her to-do list and see about getting our real life started.