Chapter 40
Chapter Forty
Angus
S itting in the cab of my truck, soaked to the bone after my walk back to the barn, I’ve started the engine, but can’t seem to shift it into drive.
It killed me to leave Mia on my doorstep. The doorstep to the house I had hoped to share with her and Sawyer forever, not just while my loft was being worked on. My loft has been ready for me to move back into for the last two days, but I didn’t tell anyone because that meant leaving them .
Now that they’ve become a part of my life, how am I supposed to live without them? To pretend like I haven’t experienced the best life has to offer? Anything else will be second-rate. How do I not take care of them? Not have dinner waiting for her when she gets home. Not read Sawyer his bedtime stories or help Mia change the sheets in the middle of the night when his diaper leaks. I want their highs and lows. I want their everything.
My teeth are chattering, but I barely register the cold as I put my truck in drive to head home. Not home, but the loft. My truck knows better, though, and it steers me to Mom’s place where the lights are on.
Felling like a zombie on autopilot, I knock on Mom’s front door before letting myself in. The open cuts on my hands sting as I slip off my boots and weave through the house to find Mom sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of tea warming her hands, seemingly oblivious to my arrival.
“Hey, Mom. You okay?”
She startles and glances at me before dropping her gaze to the cup in her hands. “Hey, son. I’ll be fine. It’s just one of those nights.”
What’s left of my broken heart crumbles into pieces at the sight of the desolate woman before me.
“Care if I join you?”
“That would be nice.” She pats the space to her left.
I take the seat, scooting the chair closer so I can I put my arm around her. She rests her head on my wet shoulder, not commenting on the state of my appearance.
“I miss him.” Her voice is solemn. I’ve never heard her like this.
“Me too.”
God, how I miss my dad.
“Your father was far from perfect, but he loved me something fierce. In the end, that’s all that matters. Life without him is just so much less than it used to be.”
“I can’t imagine how hard this has been on you. I’m so sorry.”
Lifting her head from my shoulder, she snaps out of her melancholy, transforming into mom mode.
"Child, you are drenched! What happened to you?”
“Got caught in the rain.”
“Stay there. I’ll be back,” she says, springing to action.
“I’m fine,” I lie.
I’m far from fine, but she doesn’t need my shit right now.
In a flash, she’s back with towels in her hands. “Up you go.”
I stand, as instructed.
She throws one over my head, giving it a little rub, but as I have little hair to dry, she leaves it draped around my neck before handing me the other towel. Instructing me to dry myself, she heads into the kitchen. Cupboards open and close. The mixing bowl, whisk, and flour she sets out means she’s about to make her famous remedy for shit nights like tonight.
“How about some pancakes?”
“You don’t have to do that, Mom.”
“Nah, let’s have some pancakes.”
There’s a light in her eyes that wasn’t there when I arrived. Maybe she needs this as much as I do.
“Sounds perfect.”
Mom’s pancakes have always helped heal everyone else’s broken hearts. Maybe tonight they’re for her broken heart.
She mixes the ingredients and pours the first glob of batter in the pan when the all-knowing woman that she is takes me by surprise. “It’s Mia, isn’t it?”
“What?” I don’t know what else to say, too shocked to make sense of the conversation.
“You love her, don’t you?”
“Mom... I...”
“She loves you, too. I can see how things have changed between the two of you.”
“How? How do you know everything?”
“It’s a gift.”
“It’s frightening.”
She smiles. “So, if I’m right, what are you going to do about it, son?”
“There are complications we need to deal with before we can take things any further. It’s complicated.”
“Ah, so you know who his father is, then?”
What the? How? Does she have my house bugged? How is she so spot on?
“I do,” I say, cautiously.
She plates three perfectly round pancakes. I don’t know how she does it, but there’s never a wonky one. She places them in front of me, followed by butter and syrup.
“Eat up. I want to show you something.”
Once again, I do as instructed, because I don’t know what else to say or do.
She cleans up the kitchen while I eat and when she finishes, she goes to the built-in bookshelf in the family room and pulls out a photo album. Taking a seat on the couch, she pats the spot beside her and I take it.
She flips through the album and stops on a page that says Knox’s 2nd birthday at the top. And there it is. It’s like looking at Sawyer’s twin. He is the spitting image of my oldest brother and I’ve never seen it.
“You’ve always known?”
“As he got older, I couldn’t deny the truth. But for the life of me, I can’t figure out how or when this could have happened. She’s always been head over heels for you.”
Even Mom knew? I’ve spent years thinking my attraction to her was unreciprocated. So many wasted years.
“It’s not my story to tell.”
She smiles and pats my cheek affectionately. “I know. I raised you right.”
“There’s no way we can be together. She has to tell him.”
“And once she does, what does that mean for the two of you?”
I sigh, frustration bubbling up once again. “What can it mean? I’m her son’s uncle. As if her being Daisy’s best friend and Chris’s sister wasn’t enough. I’m not sure we can get past this.”
“Do you love her?”
“So much,” I confess for the second time tonight. “But is love enough?”
“It’s always enough.”
I snort. “I wish I was as optimistic as you.”
“It will all work out.”
“Sure hope you’re right, Mom.”
“If you love each other, it will work out just as it should.”
Mia’s confession plays in my head and my heart rate picks up. Hope is still buried under all the anger brewing inside me, but the sound of Mia confidently telling me she loves me and my mom’s certainty it will all work out manage to reactivate that strange flip of my stomach, a reaction my body has only ever had for Mia.
Unable to keep it in, I tell my mom the best thing anyone has ever said to me. “She told me tonight she loves me. She’s in love with me. Can you believe that?”
“Of course I can.” She takes my hand in hers. “I’m happy for you. If I know your brother, he won't stand in your way. You are going to get through this. As long as you love each other through the hard times, you’ll get through this.”
“From your lips, Mom... from your lips.”