Chapter 49
Sawyer
Eight and a half years later.
“ H ey, kiddo, how you doin’?” Mom asks from the doorway of my room.
“A little nervous, but I’m good.”
“You know you don’t have to do this?”
“I’m not nervous like that. I’m excited nervous.”
“As long as you’re sure?”
“Mom, it was my idea. Stop worrying.”
“Okay, okay.” She holds her hands up in surrender. “Let’s get going then. Everyone’s waiting.”
It was my idea. After years of making wishes when I blew out my birthday candles, I decided to grant my own wish. Since I’m the only one who could really grant it anyway. One day, a few weeks back, Dad and I were in the barn when I finally got the guts to talk to him.
“I know what I want for my birthday this year.”
“What’s that, buddy?”
Oh, man. Why am I so shaky? I’ve wanted to ask him this for so long. I just hope I’m not too late. Maybe he’s changed his mind. Maybe Grace and Aidan are enough, and he doesn’t need me to be his anymore.
“Sawyer?” he says, his head tilted to the side like he does when he’s wants to know more.
“Well, you’ve been asking me for a really long time and I’ve always wanted to say yes, but I was too chicken. I don’t know why.”
“Bud, are you saying what I think you’re saying?”
“Only if it’s what you still want?”
“Of course it is!”
He drops the brush he was using on his horse and walks over to me. He picks me up in a great big bear hug and then sets me down on my boots.
“Have you talked to your mom and dad about this yet?”
It always makes me feel icky when he calls Knox my dad, but I know what he means. Knox is my father, but I call him papa. He has a say in the things I do, not just Mom and Angus. But it makes me feel bad for dad, because I’ve always lived with him.
“No, I wanted to make sure you were okay with it first.”
“Bud, I know you have a father, but I hope you know I love you as much as I love your brother and sister. There is no difference to me. You are my son, in here,” he says, pointing to his chest.
I try not to feel embarrassed when tears sting my eyes, but I tell him what I’ve always felt to be true.
“Gus, you’re my dad. I know Knox made me, and I do love him, he’s a great papa, but you’re my dad. I want to have the same last name as you and mom and Aidan and Grace.”
He hugs me again. “I love you so much, Tater.”
Finally ready and dressed in my wedding clothes, as I like to refer to my khaki pants and long-sleeved button-down shirt. It’s because of all the buttons that it took me so long to get ready. I’m surprised to see Dad dressed up in a suit and tie. Mom, Gracie, and Aidan are also wearing their fancy wedding clothes. But it’s Dad and his big smile that makes me so happy. I knew this was a big deal to him, but it makes me feel all weird inside to see how excited he is. It’s more than happiness, but I’m not sure what you’d call it.
Angus can’t adopt me, because Papa Knox is my actual dad. He’s always around and we go riding at least once a week unless he’s out of town. I know he loves me, and I love him too, but Gus has been my dad for as long as I can remember.
When I was born, Mom gave me her last name. Then she married Angus, and they had my brother and sister. They're all McKinnon’s. Technically, I am too, but at school I’m still Sawyer Powell, because that’s what my birth certificate says. When I turned ten, Mom asked me if changing my last name to McKinnon was something I wanted to do. It had been brought up before, but she said since I was double digits now, they would leave it up to me. When I said no, she said if I ever changed my mind to let her know. I wanted to say yes, but not for the reason I should have wanted to.
I was proud to be related to Knox McKinnon, but I wanted the McKinnon name mostly so I could be like Angus, and I felt bad about that. It’s nothing against Knox, he’s just not Angus.
Now, seeing the person who has always been my dad all dressed up and grinning for a silly name change at the courthouse, I’m so glad I finally said yes.
“You look nice,” I say to him, pulling on his tie.
“Thanks. You clean up nice, too, Tater.”
“You didn’t all have to get dressed up for the judge to sign a piece of paper.”
“Buddy, this is a big day for all of us. Even if it is just a piece of paper,” Dad assures me.
“C’mon, we’re running late. Everyone in the truck,” Mom commands and, of course, we all do as she says. There is nothing Mom hates more than being late.
It doesn't take us long to get to town and once we park the truck and all climb out, my tummy feels nervous. Mom holds my hand on the way in, while Dad carries Gracie and holds Aidan’s hand. Goose Hollow is small and so is the courthouse. My parents know the lady at the front desk, and she tell us to go on in through the big brown doors to the left.
When the double doors open, I can’t believe it. Grandma and Grandpa are here all the way from Florida! Papa Knox and my stepmom Ryan are here, and so is Grandma Sharon, Uncle Cal, Aunt Charlie, and all my cousins. Aunt Daisy is blowing one of those things we make noise with on New Year's and Uncle Owen is holding his camera up, recording us as we walk in. Everyone is clapping and cheering.
All the attention makes my cheeks hot.
Dad hands Gracie to Grandma Sharon. Grandpa Powell takes Aidan because Mom, Dad, and I need to take our paper up to the judge’s table. Papa comes with us because he and Mom need to sign the paper before the lady can stamp it.
They each sign and when the ladies’ stamp clunks on the table, it makes me jump, but Dad and Papa each put a hand on my shoulders. My nervous nerves go away because I feel safe with both of my dads and my whole family around me.
We watch the judge sign the paper and then he says, “Young man, by the state of Oregon and the town of Goose Hollow, you are officially a McKinnon.”
Everyone goes crazy. They clap and yell and Dad picks me up in the best bear hug he’s ever given me. When he sets me on my feet, he bends down so he can look at me in my eyes. “I love you, kiddo.”
I feel too much to say anything, so I just throw my arms around his neck and hug him again. When I release him, Mom is waiting for her hug and after her is Papa.
“Come here, kid,” he says in his way that sounds serious, but I know means he’s trying hard not to get mushy. He’s taller than Dad and has to bend way down, but he gives me a good hug, too. While I’m in his arms, he says, “I’m prouder of you than you will ever know. It’s an honor for you to carry on the McKinnon name. I hope you know how much we all love you. How much I love you.”
He’s still holding me when I nod my reply, but I don’t let go of him just yet. I feel so much my eyes sting. And I don’t want him to see me crying.
Because I do know I’m loved. All the people here today love me, and I feel lucky. And Mom’s right, having two dads is kinda awesome.
I’ve always wanted the world to know I’m a McKinnon and now I am.
“Hey, Sawyer,” Gracie calls out.
I turn around, and as soon as I do, my family starts singing, and a cake with candles appears out of nowhere.
Today I turned eleven and became a McKinnon.
Best birthday ever!